27 Feb 2009, 3:21 pm
Haliphron wrote:
So MissConstrue: Do you AGREE with me??? 
I'd like to say something futher about friends and *the friend zone*. MANY idealistic people have tried to impress on me how the strongest, most lasting relationships start out as platonic friendships. What Ive concluded is that when you're young(that is, in your teens and early 20s)this is often the case. HOWEVER, what Ive discovered is that the older you get[as one exits ones teens and progresses through ones 20s and beyond], the Harder and Harder it is to forge and maintain platonic friendships with the opposite sex(for straight people). Women in particular seem to be FAR less willing to be just friends with a man once they're not in college anymore and if they're single they size men up they meet based on how sexually attractive they find such men.
IOW: Its starts to become very difficult to befriend a woman if your a man in his mid-20s and beyond because she will Often Assume that by doing so you have ulterior motives.
I'd like to say something futher about friends and *the friend zone*. MANY idealistic people have tried to impress on me how the strongest, most lasting relationships start out as platonic friendships. What Ive concluded is that when you're young(that is, in your teens and early 20s)this is often the case. HOWEVER, what Ive discovered is that the older you get[as one exits ones teens and progresses through ones 20s and beyond], the Harder and Harder it is to forge and maintain platonic friendships with the opposite sex(for straight people). Women in particular seem to be FAR less willing to be just friends with a man once they're not in college anymore and if they're single they size men up they meet based on how sexually attractive they find such men.
IOW: Its starts to become very difficult to befriend a woman if your a man in his mid-20s and beyond because she will Often Assume that by doing so you have ulterior motives.
All I can say is my personal experience is quite difference... when I met my fiance over eight years ago, I was very attracted to her - but she was already involved with someone else. I knew that I wanted her in my life, so we became friends... at the time, we were both in our early-to-mid twenties. And after quite the odyssey with us each getting engaged to other people over the years, we admitted to each other how we felt, how we had felt, and decided to allow ourselves to follow what we felt instead of continuing to push it away. I can agree with the female perspective to an extent; some men claim to want to be 'friends' when instead they are overtly pushing to find an opportunity. That is conditional friendship, conditional love, and such things (as their name implies) can only reach so far. Having an agenda will work against you when it comes to relationships - if anything I've learned, that would be it over the years. I'm not sure of your age, Hal... so I can't speak to your situation. I did notice that in the early twenties (20-22) and then again some 5-10 years later, many people (male and female) go through periods where they do not want the attachment of friendship and seek less substantial connections... which, to them, appear to be satisfying in their perspective - such a thing doesn't work for me.
I don't believe that nice guys finish last, or first - you have to find the right person, and find the balance between the two within yourself. I'm not always a nice guy... my temper can be unpleasant, my personality demanding, my patience slim, my focus self-centered. At the same time, there are many aspects that veer towards kindness, acceptance, devotion and consideration. Somewhere in the middle, there's me - and being me, not some facade, a veneer doomed to peel and crack, is what I have found allows me to connect with others along the way. I will admit, there is a fair segment of the population that has not, does not, and probably will never have any interest in me... whether in a relationship, a friend, or even to become acquainted with. And that's ok. While how one looks has an -effect- on their interactions and ability to attract a mate, it is hardly the only criteria, and from my experience those who have it as a priority are not the sort of women that I want to be involved with. They weed themselves out, as it were.
M.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| Nice guys finish last |
17 Nov 2024, 11:22 pm |
| Are ruthless guys more attractive than kind, good guys? |
17 Nov 2024, 8:07 am |
| Do you have a nice laugh |
16 Nov 2024, 12:53 am |
| Nice article about Daryl Hannah |
22 Nov 2024, 6:39 pm |
