Why are Aspie Men Bitter Towards Women??

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Haliphron
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26 Apr 2009, 7:41 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
Well, I once met an Aspie man at a social function. I hung out with him afterward, and thought that we had a good time, talking about various subjects. He expressed his desire to find a girlfriend, and I made it clear that I enjoyed talking to him, and wouldn't mind hanging out, but that it would go no further than that. Because I wasn't attracted to him. Well, I really meant what I said. I spelled it out. I offered to be his friend.

So, he proceeded to dump me. When another opportunity presented itself to hang out and talk, he dropped me like a hot potato. That smarted. What this guy didn't seem to realize, was that accepting me for a friend, would have helped him to learn how to attract what he wanted. I had said that I was willing to listen if he wanted to bounce ideas off me about any woman he felt attracted to. But he was just a tool. :x


I hate to say this hartzofspace but I totally understand his motives for doing so and I very well might have done the same. Sexual tension ruins friendships cuz usually the person who doesnt want any more than friends starts to get uncomfortable being around someone who has feelings for them when they dont share those feelings. :? In my experience,
friendships that start out as platonic almost NEVER(except in 1 special case)go any further for me because if she does have feelings for me it becomes abundantly clear early on. The older I get the more true this becomes. When I was a teen I tried to have as many female (platonic)friends as I could to compensate for not having a gf and now that Im much older women dont seem to be interested in that sort of thing. If I befriend a woman it is only temporary and if she has a bf or she gets one then she drops me as a friend.



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27 Apr 2009, 12:29 am

hartzofspace wrote:
Well, I once met an Aspie man at a social function. I hung out with him afterward, and thought that we had a good time, talking about various subjects. He expressed his desire to find a girlfriend, and I made it clear that I enjoyed talking to him, and wouldn't mind hanging out, but that it would go no further than that. Because I wasn't attracted to him. Well, I really meant what I said. I spelled it out. I offered to be his friend.

So, he proceeded to dump me. When another opportunity presented itself to hang out and talk, he dropped me like a hot potato. That smarted. What this guy didn't seem to realize, was that accepting me for a friend, would have helped him to learn how to attract what he wanted. I had said that I was willing to listen if he wanted to bounce ideas off me about any woman he felt attracted to. But he was just a tool. :x

IMHO, if this guy couldn't be a friend to a woman, I didn't see him getting any further with any woman, beyond the most casual flings. Which, btw, he'd admitted to having a few.


He was probably mad that he thought he was close to having a bf then you bursted his bubble. You should have never said anything and stayed away from him, that way you wouldnt have had to hurt his feelings. but idc, its whatever.

I think men get to a point in thier life where they get sick of being lonely and they just want a girl right away. would i have done the same thing?
theres no probably so
theres no maybe

hell yes i wouldve done the same thing. if you werent attracted to him then why do you care. besides it gets him away from you anyways. I would have done what he did because I would have felt that the relationship with you wasnt going anywhere. and maybe so, if he was your friend it couldve made him look more attractive to other women. but it's silly.

idk, but i know one thing, i wouldve found out someway if you were interested in me b4 I started telling all that stuff about not having a gf.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH ASPIE GUYS....THEY TALK TO DAMN MUCH... i use to be like that.
I was thinking about joining a support group, but why....it's not going to do anything thing.

first of all there will probably be only 3 girls there.
2nd of all the girls will more than likely have a boyfriend.
3rd of all, all the other aspie guys will either like one of the girls or be all over her.


either us aspie guys be what society wants us to be or settle for nothing. I'd rather settle for nothing, cuz its easier than changing myself. the only way to get a girl is to be what society wants us to be. If we acted like what society said we should, all of these threads about being bitter to women would stop....instead we'd be bitter at ourselves because we are being someone we dont want, and we dont want that.
We need to be comfortable with ourselves, and if that means being an 80 year old virgin, then that's what we need to be



KenM
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27 Apr 2009, 5:08 am

I just thought of this. I feel another mixed message from women: When I women tells you they want to be friends, it usally means that once you are friends, you will NEVER have a romantic chance with them. But then they say "I want to start out as friends and grow from there.". So what one is it? Are we friends with no chance of romance or the other way?

The last women I meet said she just wanted to be friends. But later on she told me "I wish things with us was different, but I will only feel just friendship towards you." If you wished things were different, why not give it a shot instead of putting up a wall??? :roll:



Haliphron
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27 Apr 2009, 9:52 am

KenM wrote:
I just thought of this. I feel another mixed message from women: When I women tells you they want to be friends, it usally means that once you are friends, you will NEVER have a romantic chance with them. But then they say "I want to start out as friends and grow from there.". So what one is it? Are we friends with no chance of romance or the other way?

The last women I meet said she just wanted to be friends. But later on she told me "I wish things with us was different, but I will only feel just friendship towards you." If you wished things were different, why not give it a shot instead of putting up a wall??? :roll:


I dont know what to say about the 2nd paragraph KenM, but you're totally right about what you said in the first paragraph. I too have been sent A LOT of mixed messages by women these last 6-7 years and its gotten to the point where I shrug off any woman who does. It often makes me wonder how a woman would behave towards me if she were GENUINELY Interested and not just wanting to play games.



hartzofspace
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27 Apr 2009, 1:06 pm

Haliphron wrote:
I hate to say this hartzofspace but I totally understand his motives for doing so and I very well might have done the same. Sexual tension ruins friendships cuz usually the person who doesnt want any more than friends starts to get uncomfortable being around someone who has feelings for them when they dont share those feelings. :?

Well, if there was any sexual tension, I certainly was unaware of it. I didn't think he was attracted to me, because he was always talking about another girl. So, I offered to coach him about asking her out, etc.
Haliphron wrote:
When I was a teen I tried to have as many female (platonic)friends as I could to compensate for not having a gf

Maybe that's what this guy was doing. He did tell me that he had lots of female friends, but no girlfriend.


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hartzofspace
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27 Apr 2009, 1:23 pm

jbinion wrote:
He was probably mad that he thought he was close to having a bf then you bursted his bubble. You should have never said anything and stayed away from him, that way you wouldnt have had to hurt his feelings. but idc, its whatever.

It's silly to say that I should never have said anything. We spent a nice evening, and I enjoyed it. We both had been going to the same social group for weeks, and he never once showed any attraction to me-he was attracted to another girl there. Since I was not physically attracted to him, I thought we could be friends. I don't understand why some guys think every relationship has to end up in a bedroom. I really don't understand! Friendships are just as valuable as intimate relationships; even more so, because there is no sexual tension - on my part, anyway.
jbinion wrote:
hell yes i wouldve done the same thing. if you werent attracted to him then why do you care.

Why do I care? Because unlike some guys, I do not go around cultivating people's friendship, secretly hoping that they will go to bed with me. I had genuine friendship to offer. It was rejected. What's wrong with just being friends? I think men are truly a whole different breed that I will never, ever understand.
jbinion wrote:
I would have done what he did because I would have felt that the relationship with you wasnt going anywhere. and maybe so, if he was your friend it couldve made him look more attractive to other women. but it's silly.

I think you get it, jbinion. But we weren't in a relationship. He was just a casual friend that I hung out with, one time.
jbinion wrote:
idk, but i know one thing, i wouldve found out someway if you were interested in me b4 I started telling all that stuff about not having a gf.

Correct. He should not have opened up to me like that, but we are Aspies. What can I say? :wink:
jbinion wrote:
THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH ASPIE GUYS....THEY TALK TO DAMN MUCH... i use to be like that.
I was thinking about joining a support group, but why....it's not going to do anything thing.first of all there will probably be only 3 girls there.
2nd of all the girls will more than likely have a boyfriend.
3rd of all, all the other aspie guys will either like one of the girls or be all over her.

Well, joining a support group give you a chance to work on social skills. If you go there with the expectation of finding a girlfriend, you will only end up frustrated.


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silentbob15
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27 Apr 2009, 1:28 pm

I am not bitter at women, and I am sure there are plenty of aspie men
who are not bitter either, don't lump all aspie men into your category.



Lonermutant
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27 Apr 2009, 3:03 pm

Let's see... We grow up bullied by them because we are a decade behind them in maturity? Most women don't want a guy living on social security or one that's working as a janitorial assistant?



WintersTale
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28 Apr 2009, 7:36 am

I'm not bitter, I'm just frustrated that they say one thing and mean another. How are you supposed to work with that?



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28 Apr 2009, 9:33 am

I'm generally bitter to human beings with the exception of "true" Christians.



Kasek
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28 Apr 2009, 1:11 pm

I'm not really bitter towards women, especially since they've always been the ones who extended the hand of friendship to me. It's men I feel bitter towards. They always think that, since I am a male, I must fit the male stereotypes. But I don't, and then they drop being friends with me when they realize this. Women appreciate me for who I am, a feminine man who is kind and caring and and would love few things more than being friends with them.

As for relationships. I have had women literally throw themselves at me, wanting to be my girlfriend. Though I usually turn them down... I've only had one girlfriend before, who just broke up with me due to personal issues (she won't tell me what they are), so I think I might get another girlfriend soon.


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ZEGH8578
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28 Apr 2009, 1:19 pm

im bitter towards all of them, for having it so much easyer, not just the women.

like one of my oldest and best friends, all he has to do to get a woman, is go to a party.

thats it.

he enters the party, and he has a serious relationship from then on.


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Haliphron
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28 Apr 2009, 2:52 pm

Kasek wrote:
I'm not really bitter towards women, especially since they've always been the ones who extended the hand of friendship to me. It's men I feel bitter towards. They always think that, since I am a male, I must fit the male stereotypes. But I don't, and then they drop being friends with me when they realize this. Women appreciate me for who I am, a feminine man who is kind and caring and and would love few things more than being friends with them.

As for relationships. I have had women literally throw themselves at me, wanting to be my girlfriend. Though I usually turn them down... I've only had one girlfriend before, who just broke up with me due to personal issues (she won't tell me what they are), so I think I might get another girlfriend soon.


Different strokes for different folks Kasek. I HAVE had relationships before but they've been few and far between. There were 2 cases some 5 years ago where 2 different women I know expressed interest but I just wasnt physically attracted to them among other things. The very first relationship I had was the most promising by far, too bad I was too f*****g immature to handle it.
The last 2 however, were with the WRONG people and the most recent was a Long Distance Relationship with a woman living 2600 miles away. I dont know you so I cant say for sure what it is girls like about you but their reaction to me is often rather negative. Either I intimidate them or I irritate them. What can I say......*SIGH*. :? But thats how girls are, the more attractive the find you(romantically/sexually) the better they treat you as a person. Guys are the same way with women but we tend not to pay attention to women we dont find attractive rather than freak out and give them a hard time. Seems like there is a certain, very specific kind of person that I tend to attract, and sadly its a type of gal that is VERY rare or the kind of person I dont run into very often[or both for that matter]. Lastly, you're being an efeminate man says A LOT about why women like you: Because they view you as someone they can relate to easily. :wink:



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28 Apr 2009, 3:16 pm

Through the years, more of my friends have been women than men... many guys look at me and think I am really rough because with flannels and a beard or stubble, I have a look of a lumberjack or something... I love all women, some irritate me more than others - some do not irritate me at all... but can not live without them. I irritate some of them as well....



Mienai
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28 Apr 2009, 4:06 pm

Because when a woman is shy and awkward, she gets men.
When an aspergian male is shy an awkward, he dies alone.



Asmodeus
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28 Apr 2009, 8:03 pm

Loneliness makes bitterness.
And awkwardness makes lonliness.
And autism makes awkwardness.
Though this isn't exclusive to autism.