Slys dating site advice help thread.

Post Reply New Topic

Do you know what a lot of women find attractive? Artists. Particularly men who write deep songs and poetry. When my sister met her now husband, that's exactly what he was. A poor artist.

But I'm going to tell you right now. You have a tendency to people's words to meet your own negative perceptions of yourself and that needs to stop if you want to form a relationship because in a relationship it will destroy it. It's healthy to acknowledge your short comings but I think you have a bit too much self loathing going on.

I’m trying loose weight but it’s hard especially when I get upset from here and over eat from sadness.

The other stuff yes. Constantly being told to do stuff I can’t do just makes me feel like crap. I don’t need to be constantly reminded of how I’m horrible and can’t do stuff. It just makes me feel terrible. So any good day I might be ha I guess is just ruined upon me coming here. Today was crap but over all ok, and some women messaged me but now after coming here I’m feeling super sad and upset . How’s that helpful to me?

My city had one of the best public transportation systems In the nation. We use to be in the top 50 or 10 I can’t remember but they bragged about it all over and on the news.
Public transportation will always be limiting they simple can’t go everywhere that’s why taxis exist. A car simple isn’t in the cards for me. Likewise a lot of people on disability don’t have cars either.

Really, sly? For more than 5 years people have been giving you "actual help," with their recommendations of all sorts of different methods to try treating your depression - hell, even to consider treating it at all in the first place, and you either shoot it down or ignore it. Don't pretend like everyone's said shut up/leave/get a real job/lose weight/buy a car - that's BS and you know it. People have suggested books, counselling/therapy, exercise, diet, pharmaceutical options, other medicinal options, listening to audiobooks, meditation, meet up groups, hobbies, and on and on and on and yet there's been exactly zero positive reception of advice on your part or a post about taking action to try something to see if it may benefit you. What "actual help," are you expecting other forum members to provide you with besides advice & information that could help you think and feel better?

You're not paralyzed and we haven't told you to walk. You're depressed and we've suggested you do something/anything about it rather than do nothing but carry on with the same complaints.

Pretty well all of us here are permanently disabled. So what? That doesn't mean that you can't treat your depression and feel better. It doesn't mean that you can't improve and be higher functioning than you are. All kinds of people are permanently disabled, but that doesn't mean they're stuck at their present level of any aspect of their health and life and it's impossible for them to ever be any better.

Re: Work & money, you can't work full time right now, but that doesn't mean you never can if it's your goal to do so in order to earn more money. But it seems you'd rather just give up than make an effort to try to do anything of the sort, and that's the biggest reason you're not on your way to doing it.

No one said "just go get those things," or "be happy alone forever," etc. Everyone has said work on yourself and build yourself up until you're able to get those things, and be content to be solo for a while as you do it. Once you're well enough to enter a relationship, an opportunity will present itself because you'll attract it.. and you'll attract it by being more attractive, which you'll be for having worked on yourself & improved your thoughts and mood. This is all very basic cause & effect chain reaction stuff that we've gone over several times and you continue to ignore.. because it seems you'd prefer the attention and sympathy you get from complaining instead of working towards being a more datable attractive sly.

It'd be easy for me to write messages for you, or to write a dating profile or personal ad.. but when it's Me writing it it's completely unauthentic and that will be apparent when you take over at the keyboard or meet in person. Someone else ghost writing dating ads or messages isn't a solution to make you better at communicating with women or being with them in a social situation. Only self improvement can change those things. Change yourself, you'll change your whole world.

There's about a zero % chance that anyone here is going to set you up with women, either. Why on Earth would I, or anyone who's following this saga, think "Ya know, that sly fellow.. he's so dreamily suicidally depressed I think I really ought to introduce him to Suzy! I'm sure she'd be thrilled to make the acquaintance of such a severely depressed man she'll thank me for making the introduction!" Yeah. f*****g. Right. Never. Gonna. Happen. Not in the state you're in, sly. No one's going to set you up with anyone because everyone but you can see that it won't work out, until you're better. That's why everyone keeps telling you you've got to treat & overcome your depression before you're ready to date anyone.

Many people here, not just myself, have provided you with actual helpful advice. Why are you pretending otherwise?

No one told you you don't have a right to be here and post like anyone else. All we're saying is that we have the right to post, too, and we're calling out your behaviour as being attention seeking for the sake of sympathy instead of asking for advice for the sake of self help. You don't seem interested in the least bit in helping yourself do anything about anything and it's very, very, strange.

We've both offered you real help. We continue to do so, too. Hell, I offered to buy you a helpful book/audiobook. We're not telling you to shut up. We're telling you that the routine of ignoring help & requesting sympathy over and over again is growing tiresome and we'd rather see you put even 1/10th the energy into self improvement as you do into self destruction.

Goldfishbhas got me super upset theni read your posts. I’m sorry.
I just want people say yup not having a car supernlimits you but your unable to get one so let’s figure around thst Rather then being told to get w car. Yeah I’m not stupid I know having a car a good job would solve my issue but I can’t get either

Winning he lottery would solve it too but that’s just as impossible and so people are t suggesting it. To me getting a good job and car would be just as likely as winning the lottery. So I’d rather not talk about it at all. It just serves to remind me how horribly defective I am which makes me sad.

I’m laying in my bed 2 hours past my bed time shaking uncontrollably.

But I’m sorry if I upset you. He just really upsets me. I shouldn’t have lashed at you

Yes, it can be difficult to stick to a diet when one becomes upset.

I would like to remind you though that you are on a forum for people on the spectrum. We are not psychologists or counselors or even empaths and I think perhaps you are expecting too much of the people here in terms of not saying things that upset you, because most of those upsetting you are doing their best to help you. Perhaps you need an actual life coach or counselor. So that is my recommendation to you. That you seek help from a professional who might better be able to meet your needs, and additionally, not frequent places that upset you, or not read posts from people who have a history of upsetting you.

Okay, I said I wouldn’t post in here again, but I wanted to reply to this.

I know getting demon facing advice is not always uplifting but I really think you can be happier with or without a girlfriend. If you cannot deal with it at the moment, okay, I will respect your wishes and back off.

A lot of people can’t work full time, Including me. My health deteriorates on a regular basis due to stress because I cannot cope with my job. It definitely isn’t really an option for a lot of people. I would never expect otherwise. But there are people who don’t judge others on that. You just need to meet them. Hence why I think some sort of group is really important. Maybe you could request on on of your work days to work different hours?

Also you could try setting up a group of your own on your own terms. Like I mentioned before, Facebook has good communities for aspies. I’ve met some cool people that way.

Doesn’t take an empath to hear someone say your not helping leave me alone, and stop.
So no I don’t think goldfish is try f to help me.
I try ignoring them but it’s hard. If I read their posts which I try not to then I get upset and feel need to reply.

I am an aspie but I’m more the capable of hearing someone say I’m hurting them and stopping what I doing. When I’m told something upsets someone I apologize and try to not do it again. But he just doubles down.

I can’t ever be happy alone I was never happy alone. Before I had lots of friends and wasn’t even interested in women but purity hit.
Now I’m completely alone. No gf, no friends. Everyone else is having families with their gf turned wives. They do t have time for friends.

I thought you said you do work full time?

There’s two shifts. Morning snd night,s since I only work 5 hours it makes more sense to work me nights, since the morning person has more tasks. Thst take longer. I als prefer nights I’m not a morning person and the process lady is really mean to me and she works mornings so by working nights I avoid her. The night process guy(started month or so ago) is really nice and helpful. So I think they work me nights cause 1. The tasks. And 2. To keep me away from the process lady afte the incident 4 months ago. Works been nicer not having to deal with her. Then now I work m,w,f but it changes like two weeks from now it’s m,t,f last week it was m,th,s. Each week can be different. They working me around other lady who’s in college.


I wouldn’t know how. Meet up cost money also to run a group.
I tried joking wrong planet Facebook group.

Also forgot. Finding a woman who doesn’t care is really hard, every time I think I did she turns out to care and she wasted weeks or months of my time.
This last lady didntn have any of the list on her profile but soon as she found out I didn’t have a car she listed it off saying I’m not good enough.
Even the ones who say they aren’t judgmental and just want a guy who won’t judge them on their wieght have all ended up doing it. I find it super hypocritical for s woman to be upset guys judge them on their looks and wieght but then judge guys willto accept and love them for who they are based on his income and car status. Sorry but they are judgmental, what fakes. Is that wrong of me?

Last edited by sly279 on 01 Feb 2018, 6:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

There you go thriving on sympathy..

This thread turned into people addressing the root causes of your lack of dating success and trying to help you overcome them.

Not one person told you "to just man up find a full time job and buy a car." No one ever said that. Many people have told you if you'd work on yourself, improve your mental health and well being, that those things could become realistic goals for you to achieve again. You can't right now, but that doesn't mean you can't forever. So work 3-4.5h/day until you improve yourself to the point where you can do more.

I don't make you feel like anything. Only your own thoughts can make you experience an emotion. It may be your thoughts about my posts that make you feel like crap, but it's certainly not me doing it to you. I've very consistently posted suggestions for self improvement, not hateful negativity intended to bring your mood down.

I’m not suggesting to be happy alone, but it’s probably possible to at least be happier than you currently are.

I do work full time, I push myself to the limits of my sanity. It’s not good for me. But I need to do it so accept it as the pay off for hopefully having the freedom to one day have full control over where I live.

Okay, so working nights is better for you. Fair enough. What about talking to homeless people? I do that sometimes and have some wonderful conversations.

I think a life coach is a great idea but they’re expensive.

I’ll have to have a think about some more ideas.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 01 Feb 2018, 6:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

No one is bashing you except for you, sly.
No one has used the phrase "be a real man," except for you, sly.
No one bashed you into buying a car. I was even very transparent about all the reasons I was entertaining the car conversation. No one suggested you run out and buy another car right now. Everyone who had anything constructive about it suggested it might be a motivational long term goal for you to set for yourself and work towards achieving.

Ok, so you wanted help with what to message women.. and we learned that you need WAY MORE help than that before you're ready to successfully message and interact with women, and that's why you've gotten 54 pages of advice and counting. You're not ready to communicate & interact with women successfully, yet. You've got a lot of hard work to do to overcome your depression well enough before you're in the right frame of mind to date anyone.

It's not the same. Shut up would be "stop talking." Instead she said stop complaining, as in feel free to keep posting - but post something constructive or positive instead of complaining to no end. Big difference, sly.

I've written many times that maybe you can't work full time right now, but work on yourself and maybe you can in the future. I couldn't work at all 6 years ago. Now I can work overtime. So I know first hand that it's possible for people to change and improve. Maybe not from less than zero to overtime, but maybe you'll go from part time to full time - you have no idea how much better things might get if you start working towards them.

So find a meetup group that meets at noon or on your day off. There won't be as many, but they must exist.

And this, right here, sly, is why you can't afford to keep approaching everything here the way you are. How many forum members who pay attention to you and offer their help, advice, and assistance with things are you going to alienate with your attitude before you start doing anything to help yourself?

You are the only one who says you're horrible and can't do stuff.

Stop twisting what I said to fit your narrative. I've never said "just go get a good paying job and buy a car." I've repeatedly said things like "build yourself up bit by bit, and eventually you'll be able to earn more money, and then as a long term goal you may be able to realistically be able to put another car on the road." There's a HUGE difference between what I say and what you say I said.

How can pages upon pages of advice on how to deal with your depression, on your own terms via one or several methods, not be considered trying to help you?

If I wasn't trying to help you I'd have said something mean instead. Or nothing at all.