27 Apr 2011, 7:35 am
03 May 2011, 6:40 pm
Giftorcurse
Veteran
Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,887
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina
09 May 2011, 4:47 pm
11 May 2011, 3:10 am
11 May 2011, 4:49 am
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11 May 2011, 2:59 pm
11 May 2011, 10:51 pm
11 May 2011, 11:13 pm
12 May 2011, 4:20 am
DW_a_mom wrote:
Sometimes on this board I wonder if men who describe themselves as nice guys would be so perceived by the women around them. Women do like nice guys but, yes, they also like to feel attracted. That runs both ways; it's not like you guys are out looking for women you don't think look good. Odds are you are chasing the same women that all the other guys are chasing, and those select few women - NOT the norm - learn fast that they can wait for the guy who has it all: looks, money, and personality.
But us average women - - we definitely want nice. Nice that happens to come with the right guy for us. If it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be, but that doesn't mean "nice" was the problem. Nice is GOOD.
All of the husbands in our social circle are nice guys. I only know a few jerks. Women by and large don't marry jerks; they marry what they think are nice guys.
So what have I noticed that women consider nice, that give them the warm fuzzies about a person (yes, warm fuzzies are good)?
1) Men who listen to them. Really listen. Show an interest in what interests her. SUPPORT her interests, don't knock them. Example: DON'T be a dork and talk about how illogical faith is if she tells you she goes to church (amazing how many guys would do that sort of thing, and then wonder why I turned to someone else ... why would I date a guy who thinks my beliefs are psycho babble and tells me that before I've even known him an hour?).
2) Notice things. If she's looking for something in her purse while trying to balance a glass of wine, offer to hold the glass of wine! Funny how many guys simply don't pick up on the clue. Nice guys DEMONSTRATE their interest by NOTICING and DOING.
3) Men who have nice things to say about the people and things in their lives. If you start a conversation by ragging on your boss, you don't come across as a very positive person. Negative may be honest, but it does not come across as nice. If you're carrying grudges, it shows fast in the dating world and it keeps you from being perceived well.
4) Respect her space. When someone gets too far into your space it feels like they are trying to own or control you. That is not nice.
5) Understand that relationships involve give and take, with a lot more give than take. What do you have to give this person? Let it show.
6) If you have a genuine warm, smile, let it shine. My husband is a very awkward and shy guy, but he has a smile that melts glaciers, and soooo many women had crushes on him because of it. A brilliant smile seems very nice.
And ... if you seriously want a woman who is simply looking for a nice guy, don't be afraid of a women who has her act together. I got so tired of men who turned on their heals the second they found out I had a career and a brain. Geez, was I supposed to twiddle my thumbs waiting for them to rescue me from the TV set?
But us average women - - we definitely want nice. Nice that happens to come with the right guy for us. If it isn't meant to be, it isn't meant to be, but that doesn't mean "nice" was the problem. Nice is GOOD.
All of the husbands in our social circle are nice guys. I only know a few jerks. Women by and large don't marry jerks; they marry what they think are nice guys.
So what have I noticed that women consider nice, that give them the warm fuzzies about a person (yes, warm fuzzies are good)?
1) Men who listen to them. Really listen. Show an interest in what interests her. SUPPORT her interests, don't knock them. Example: DON'T be a dork and talk about how illogical faith is if she tells you she goes to church (amazing how many guys would do that sort of thing, and then wonder why I turned to someone else ... why would I date a guy who thinks my beliefs are psycho babble and tells me that before I've even known him an hour?).
2) Notice things. If she's looking for something in her purse while trying to balance a glass of wine, offer to hold the glass of wine! Funny how many guys simply don't pick up on the clue. Nice guys DEMONSTRATE their interest by NOTICING and DOING.
3) Men who have nice things to say about the people and things in their lives. If you start a conversation by ragging on your boss, you don't come across as a very positive person. Negative may be honest, but it does not come across as nice. If you're carrying grudges, it shows fast in the dating world and it keeps you from being perceived well.
4) Respect her space. When someone gets too far into your space it feels like they are trying to own or control you. That is not nice.
5) Understand that relationships involve give and take, with a lot more give than take. What do you have to give this person? Let it show.
6) If you have a genuine warm, smile, let it shine. My husband is a very awkward and shy guy, but he has a smile that melts glaciers, and soooo many women had crushes on him because of it. A brilliant smile seems very nice.
And ... if you seriously want a woman who is simply looking for a nice guy, don't be afraid of a women who has her act together. I got so tired of men who turned on their heals the second they found out I had a career and a brain. Geez, was I supposed to twiddle my thumbs waiting for them to rescue me from the TV set?
Sounds about right to me
I don't quite see the logic behind 5) - I'd logically expect the give-and-take to be 50-50, though I must admit in practice it doesn't usually feel like that. I think it's possible to be overgenerous to the point where it's an embarrassingly obvious resource display that can't be sustained, though my ideal for a relationship has always been that both partners are very giving to each other, so that the happiness of the SO is almost more important than their own well-being. Sometimes I get this mood where I don't care if I get shot to pieces as long as I make the girl happy.
I think what's often given me problems is that the intensity of my feelings has pushed me into a strange place in my head, where I can barely see the object of my desires as a real person......I can get incredibly narcissistic when I'm in love. I twigged the idea of helping the lady many years ago, but even these days it would take me a lot of effort to turn that romantically-driven desire into something practical that the lady would actually feel good about.
12 May 2011, 9:32 am
12 May 2011, 10:23 am
14 May 2011, 9:37 pm
pixiedixie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 12 Oct 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 32
Location: Wolverhampton/Dudley
17 May 2011, 4:38 am
17 May 2011, 8:02 pm
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