Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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The happy part is that there are so many out there like me…the sad part is that there are so many out there like me…

Sorry I’m late. Clearly socializing anywhere ( real world or cyber ) is not one of my strong suits. I found this site just today and have been reading on it for awhile. I am 56 and I would guess, at least a bit older than most of you. Grinding down through a puzzle is one of my strong suits and though my conclusions are often suspect… I have learned to not to fear reassessing any working model of the world I live in ( which may not resemble the one you live in, in any regard )…

My current thinking runs along these lines… In any generation of humans, irrespective of gender, one may broadly describe three subsets of individuals with personality characteristic groupings that would primarily be based upon; neurological desire/tolerance of novelty, sufficiency of emotional nurturing/stability per individual requirement, and caloric/climatic/financial/geopolitical stability within local cultural norms.
1. Those seeking more security and less adventure stimuli
2. Those seeking a balance of stimuli
3. Those seeking more adventure stimuli than security
If you grant that the common gene pool does not factor in the satisfaction of any individual only the continuation of the gene pool, then it follows that regardless of which subset group predominates in the previous generation, the successive generation will include individuals from all three subsets.
It seems to me that in excessively adventurous times romantic pairing will favor less adventurous coupling, and vice versa.
Over the years family and friends often used these terms to describe me; safe, stable, sweet, nice, kind…you know the drill. This era of relative plenty and perceived security likely biases anyones romantic choice toward the more stimulating if short term adventurous partnering.
If nice boys and girls are more inclined to be nurturing parents and increase the likelyhood of their child getting to the age of reproduction, it may follow that those who are not so nice decrease this likelyhood. Are we witnessing a kind of self induced population control?
It seems evident that as economies, the environment and culture can vary substantially from generation to generation it only makes sense for the gene pool to protect itself with the widest variety if individuals possible to ensure that someone is left to carry on.
As we have seen, this can be hard on the individual. Yet we all seem to be necessary if temporarily under-utilized.
We need firemen from time to time, but do you want to have them in your house all the time?
In times past it was said that,”They also serve who stand and wait.”
We all have a part to play. I am still waiting for my cue.

Nice guys need to learn when to not be so nice being to nice can be a bad thing trust me

Speaking from personal experience, I think being a "nice guy" and being a needy wet blanket are two entirely different things.

I've found that I have two dating personalities: The funny, smirking smartass, who is told he's "so mean" or "such a jerk", and yet she keeps hanging out with me, and the needy, starry-eyed romantic, who's vulnerable and sweet and utterly boring. What happens is, I start out as one and gradually morph into the other as the relationship goes on. The second "me" is initially well received, but as time goes on she gets bored.

The trick is, I think, to be funny and confident and self-reliant most of the time, and be a "nice guy" in small doses when appropriate. Letting someone know that you need them is okay, but being needy puts unfair pressure on them, and ultimately makes them unhappy.

It's kind of like being a superhero; it might be necessary to take off the costume occasionally, but nobody's going to read your comic if you stay out of it all the time.

I recently had a date with a nice guy. A genuine one - not the 'I'm nice to get into your pants' type, but a shy, nerdy, insecure type. There are a lot of things I like about him, but the problem with his 'niceness' was this: He wouldn't express an opinion or a preference about anything. He was desperate to please, so eager to make sure that I had a good time that he was essentially making himself an appendage of me. I don't want an appendage, I want a partner; the whole point of dating is to see if two people like similar things and can get along, not to acquire more body parts.
*sigh*

I'm going out with him again; maybe he'll feel confident enough then to express himself. Should I just tell him to step up, or would that scare him off?

If he's anything like me, he has no idea what you're thinking unless you explicitly say it.

Even so, there's no guarantee that he can change anything about his behaviour in the short term.

Confidence has its advantages and disadvantages. He may not seem appealing to you in the short term, but over a long period of time the nice, reserved ones are significantly more stable than the charismatic, outgoing ones. Depends on what you want out of the relationship really.

**Edit**

It shouldn't matter whether it scares him off or not. From what you're typing it seems he's not particularly appealing to you at the moment, so if it scares him off it saves you the trouble of separately trying to tell him you're not interested. If it doesn't and he tries to change, there's some chance, albeit small, that the situation may improve for you.

No matter what the result, it seems a direct approach here will result in a win for you.

As an Aspie/nice guy I CANNOT approach women to "meet" them to date. My previous occupations thrust me into social mayhem & I was constantly approached by women who wanted more then friendship I'd come to find out. I was a nightclub security manager in downtown Chicago/Rockstar Bodyguard/traveling Executive Protection Specialist (Midwest & West Coast only). It was only 2 years before I realized I had 40% female friends that were strippers, aggressive strippers. One I had to physically remove from my car because she tricked me into giving her a ride home by playing on my pity sense. These were beautiful women but not what I was seeking. They just wanted a physical relationship & the more I said no the more word spread I was "hard to get" & it seemed to be fuel to a bad fire. My NT male friends called me names even speculating I must be gay, but it wasn't that I didn't find them attractive, just that I wanted someone like me & good looking too. At 6'4" tall & 280lbs (from the gym) I must make it worse, but I lift as a hobby/sport that brings me peace while in the gym. My mind is so clear it's like my drug. If I wanted to or was a different man I would've finished !st over & over so being shy is sometimes viewed as a challenge by NT women so it's more a matter if you can tolerate being around people & how often as the co-efficients to include in the nice guy theory.

The Bowling for Soup song Suckerpunch covers it

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjEmxPGGhBQ[/youtube]

Hmm I have never been a nice guy I just stay true to myself I have a question though do nice girls finish last too

[quote="TenFaces"] I don't support being a nice guy, the reason I am saying this is that I encourage them to learn how to be manipulative, phony, and arrogant. Most women you will meet will love it. I have learned how to be manipulative and phony and it works. Again, I realize that not all women are like that. Just most of them.
My message is. Don't be a Nice Guy. It don't work. Nice Guys bore women.[/quote]
acting like this is a good way to get punched,just saying.In the end jerks will get what they deserve.

You guys are scaring me. If women want overconfident jerks, screw 'em. I will never be like that.