Making Friends with Guys Without Having Them Fall for Me

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My friendship with these girls didn't last but for regular life reasons (life changes, end of school , end of university...etc) which are totally unrelated to my desire of getting a sexual partner. In fact, most of my friendships in my life died, even with the males, I was never been good in keeping in touch with lifetime friendships.


What I find it hypocrite is the following attitude:

Hector wrote:

Gromit wrote:

I know a guy who would often (not always) stop seeing women who weren't interested in having him as a boyfriend (at the time he talked to me about the topic, I don't know how things are now). His reason for not keeping in touch with a woman who will not become a girlfriend is not that he has no interest in friendship. Often he would enjoy that. His reason is that he really wanted a girlfriend and he has to earn a living. That leaves him limited time for his social life, and he wants to spend more time meeting new people, in the hope of finding a girlfriend. Time spent with women who will not be his girlfriend comes at the expense of time spent meeting someone new. The two are not totally incompatible, but there is a trade-off and finding a girlfriend was just too important to him.

I can really relate to this guy, embarrassingly enough he sounds like me. I've come to differ from him on the nature of the "trade-off", though, because I find that sort of behaviour is ultimately destructive socially, but from time to time I still consider his perspective.

Me too . I have very little interest in forging friendships that are situational and thus temporary. THAT is why I tend to avoid platonic relationships with women. I actually [b]have[b] a circle of friends and I am happy with the friends that I have and so when it comes to women Im honestly looking for more than friends.

When you get down to it, you can narrow it down to two guys, the guy who does it and the guy who lies about it.

The basic rule for me is, when I'm in a relationship, I'm more comfortable with women I don't find as attractive as my gf. If the woman is hotter, I'm only going to get tempted and I know better than to take it there. Not to say I can't aquaint, but I definately won't feel comfortable getting closer. I find myself wanting less attractive females for the companionship, but this may cause them to develop feelings for me (as it has in the past) that I don't want to deal with, my defense is to come off as less attractive (or just freeze up as I do in most cases). Either way, this is a basic dynamic in an ideal relationship.

That fantasy of a fling just doesn't work, there isn't a woman I know who wants to give some nice guy the time of his life and send him on his way. For one thing, they lose cool points for sleeping with a nice guy, another thing is that if they find a deeper reson to be attracted to the said nice guy, then she'll want him around for awhile. You also might ask yourself "What kind of nice guy does the wham-bam-thankyou-ma'am"

I think your expectations distort your interpretation. Read more carefully.

A few years ago, I was sitting in church and these 2 girls I was aquainted with were complaining about the men in their lives. I don't have to tell you that I was having the same trouble with women. We all made a pact at that point that we weren't going ot bother with the other gender for awhile. The moment I made that pact I felt this vibe that I could have either one of the two, I'm pretty sure something went through their heads too (although I couldn't imagine what). I felt an odd attraction towards one of them (she was much older than me), we had our 3 way friendship and I never wanted to make the trouble (I knew I wasn't going to commit even if they did let me in).

What I did learn was that if you make it worth their while , and they make it worth your while (I have an easier time understanding my feelings now), it won't be a bad thing for you. The advice of this thread is heading in the direction of avoiding friendship all together and I simply think that dealing with loss is a normal part of life and will teach you a lesson every time. So I'm more than willing to get female friends and I'll remember to get it through my head that they don't all want me.

I feel like my looks are a curse. They make me stand out in a way that isn't bad but I attract alot of attention because apparently a cute half-asian girl with freckles seems to be an attractive rarity to alot of guys I befriended. I don't even freaking wear makeup or wash my face half the time and still guys are always approach me. You would think this is good but not for someone like me who has a ton of social anxiety. I had to privatize my facebook profile and remove my pic because a lot of guys I didn't know where contacting me through AIM and I was stupid enough to believe that they would just want to hang out with me I was a member of my college anime club. A "cute" asian girl in a club full of guys with an asian fetish...wtf was I thinking?

I don't get along with girls so guys are the only friends I can make. Sadly it is the guys who only approached me to begin with because they were attracted to me. I know which guys I know will be trouble for me when they talk to me constantly about how they're worried about NEVER getting a girlfriend, as if they expect me to fill the void for them. It must be due to the fact that I am asian and therefore they assume I'm this submissive naive girl who will like them cuz they're white. I fell for that a few times but thank god I saw the light. My first boyfriend was a total asian-chick-phile who ended up becoming a psycho. Nerds terrify me for that very reason.