MichelleRM78 wrote:
As I read these posts, I read a lot of what they want in a mate, and its always what a mate can do for them. Doesn't anyone have a deep down desire to GIVE to someone else?
I had a deep down need to make my bf happy. I want to do things that make his life easier, that make him happy. I want to find his most deep down burning desires and fantasies and I want to be a part of them.
Does no one want to give that back in a relationship?
I am on the Mars and Venus relationship forum, in addition to this. Has nothing to do with AS, but I have learned LOTS from there. Sure, I am aware you want to be a part of his burning desires and fantasies, but you must allow him to continually pursue you. If you pursue him instead, eventually, he'll lose his interest in you. Ever since the history of civiliation, men have been taught to be the pursuers of woman (not vice versa). This was a difficult lesson I learned from making the same mistakes over and over for many, many years (before being officially dx'd with AS and AD/HD).
I am presuming you and your bf are exclusive with each other. This should be a time where the both of you continue learning from each other. When you're both comfortable in having the kind of trust and such you both want with each other, the time will be right to move your relationship into intimacy. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is to rush their relationships into the intimacy stage. You might think you want to be intimate with him, but he only feels he is exclusive but not intimate with you. You both want to be on the same page in your relationship.
If a woman gives too much and she crashes from her emotional wave, she is going to feel exhausted and may need a little time to recover. If the guy she's seeing is taking, taking, taking, something's wrong. John Gray, the noted author of the Mars and Venus series, suggests that men continue to give throughout their relationships. To stop giving once becoming exclusive with a woman makes a man feel like he can coast in his relationship with her. That's when a lot of communication problems could occur.
I recommend for you and your bf to read "Mars and Venus On A Date" by John Gray and invest in your relationship.
_________________
Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
01 Apr 2010, 12:13 pm
