friends then lovers then he shut down completely

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Heres the best advice I can give you; walk away, keep walking and never look back.
I was in love with an Aspie. I still am. He told me he loved me and then later gave me the same 'I don't know what love is' speech that you were given. He blamed his AS.
We don't talk at all now because I could not accept the pale imitation of a relationship he was offering.
I don't know if AS is truthfully to blame or if he is just a d***. Whatever, I am brokenhearted and lonely, my trust is shattered and I don't know if I will ever recover.
I deserve better and so do you.

@AspieMaybe- we should talk. Check your private messages.

I'm sorry to say this but you need to move on.
He's a big baby who needs a caregiver and you're his safety net.
You keep accepting him after him hurting you and treating you like that so he already knows you wont reject him.
I hope you see the pattern here.

I dont mean to sound harsh but:
It sounds like he hasn't found anyone else to have sex with and be kissy kissy with.
He can't bear the idea of you moving on and is trying to cut in and have another turn.
He presents to you a new-relationship he thinks he can handle but is really just the old relationship over again.

Ditch this guy. Listen to Aspiemaybe.

@januaryman-
so you think he's going to repeat this type of relating with me and others in the future? can't people evolve and no longer continue their unwise and/or unkind behavior?

right now, my only "grrrrrrrr" feelings are him not calling during the week to check in and say HI.
he's busy but he's not THAT busy. last week, i didn't hear from him for 6 days between hang outs
but he told me he was thinking about us all week. i have told him for 3.5 years that if he's thinking about me/us, just text and say HI so i know i'm not "out of sight, out of mind" but he hasn't managed to get there yet. we did just have 8 months of no contact so maybe he'll warm up to the idea?

also- JM, if that's your photo, you are very attractive. i'm not flirting. just stating the obvious. hope that makes you smile!

People can definitely change, but not many do without a push.
All I have suggested is giving him a push. Others have suggested leaving him (as have I) and that might also work out better for you.
It appears you are both in the same boat of neither of you are willing to make the effort to look for other people, but between you only you are making the effort to stay together. It's just not going to work.

A lot of people come to L&D to vent, seek validation for their feelings, be heard, or get others to side with the poster even though there is nothing they can do to solve the problem simply by taking sides. I'd like to think you aren't any of those things and just want the relationship to work and are seeking advice. Our advice in general seems to be "it won't work, at least not how it works right now". I'd recommend taking a brave step forward in your life by listening and taking onboard what has been said in this topic. It's never easy. I had to let go of someone I like recently because of similar problems..and all I can say is it's for the best.

P.S. Thanks for the compliment in real life I do smile a lot I just happened to be very tired when that was taken.

JM- why was it for the best to let go of your relationship?

This is good advice. We had zero contact for 8 months and prior to that, we had very little contact for 6 months. So basically, we were completely detached from each other for 14 months and hadn't been lovers in 23 months when we hooked up a few weeks ago.