Aspie men and (lack of) relationships - our struggles

Post Reply New Topic

I use the Toyota Prius for my aspie examples and a "normal" car as the NT for my analogies. OT, I know.

Are they masochists or just plain crazy? Because when I attempt to do that I always get hurt...

You re spot on, Aspies like myself can't just go out and socialise. No, its not just because we can't do it, its also because we go out with the full knowledge that we aren't really accepted and that if we go up to a woman in a bar, shes more likely to tell us to "p*ss off".

My mother, who is AS misguided, keeps saying to me to get dressed up smart and go out, but I keep telling her that it doesn't work like that. We Aspies see reality for what it really is - cold and dangerous. Thats why we act the way we do, to ensure our personal self esteem doesn't get bashed by a needless rejection.

if you improve you own self-esteem and inner self-worth, rejection sting less. everybody gets rejected but you can improve your own reactions to it.

Self esteem can only be improved by a whole series of successes, sadly, this doesn't actually happen. Society and people always takes a big dump on each others wants and needs. Part of my low self esteem comes form these boards and most of it is female posters who love to keep pushing their lucks with me.

I feel I am screwed because so many people put "Christian" or "Republican" as deal-breakers.

Yeah...you got it so bad. Come to Florida, there are 20 Christians for every atheist walking the streets.

it would be a big step for you if you stopped blaming other poeple for what is inside yourself. you are responsible for your own progress, or lack of progress.

well, if a girl tells you to piss off (unless you really have done something out of line) for talking to her, you don't need to know her anyway.

consider whether you respect someone's point of view before taking their behavior personally ..

But you are missing the point that people largely play negative roles in each others lives. Yes, I am responsible for my progress. I can chose to go for gold or just do nothing, but of course other people are there for assistance and support. Sometimes people need to work together so that things can pan out and succeed, but as of recent events in my life, people are not doing what they said they would. I am not responsible for somebody elses idle behaviour. So, with these people laying idle, certain things will not pan out. Certain things require teamwork (like running a government. If Obama refused to sign certain bills then those bills cannot pass).

But as of recent events, I have largely gone my own way and I have already pushed 2 negative people to the side. Those 2 will not share in my progress.

Just pointing out, not all Christians get along with each other. I'm a Christian, as are some of the people I can't stand. We come in all sorts of varieties as well, and then you can get into denominational crap (Catholic vs Protestant, and so on - I'm an Anglican, a denomination often considered to be the "fence-sitter" of the Christians).

It's irrelevant anyway - if this particular stereotype doesn't exist, then there will be another one in it's place. Be it about differing beliefs between Christians (we don't all agree on issues such as gay marriage, abortion and so on - and many are subject to forming stereotypes based on these differences), or about being a Republican (I'm an Australian and not sure about the politics in the USA - from what I can see they seem to be a lot less boring then ours)

I am a Lutheran myself, so I am a fence-sitter as well.

I actually have no problem dating someone who votes Democratic, or even Green Party for that matter. Their beliefs are their business. I just think a few of them tend to judge all Christians and Republicans based on a few right-wing fringe groups.

The main problem I have with women is that all the ones to whom I'm attracted already have boyfriends (or at least claim to already have boyfriends). Single beautiful women are very rare in my experience.

What i think it is, is that single women that want you ("you" meaning anyone in our position) don't exist. A lot of the better looking single women use "i have a boyfriend" as a white lie to let you down easily, as your average supermodel gets approached by people all the time, many of them way creepier than I could ever hope to be (some of these guys could take to stalking). So they need everything they have to stop all these advances they don't want. And, unfortunately, many guys take "no" as a challenge... they think she's playing hard to get or something. Where I disagree with all of this is that while NT's see white lies as a way to "save face", to me it's so incredibly hurtful that I'd rather just hear the blunt "no". Getting rejected is one thing... I can take a "no" just fine. But I'm so afraid to ask a woman out or start anything because of the games, white lies, and other related things that happen that I end up doing nothing...