How to improve your chances with women.

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And thread where I posted that pic was hypothetical. It was a hypothetical question.

The "lower your standards" thing wasn't directed at you and you alone. There are a handful of men on the board that seem to expect a lot out of a woman.

It's kind of like when I wanted to have recreational sex with the type of woman who never even paid attention to me. I saw guys no better looking than myself with them at times and thought "What does he have that I don't have"...and the obvious answer was that he is more social and he was likely in her clique of friends or knew someone in her clique of friends.

Most people have a league. If you have a really outgoing personality and fun sense of humor, that can go a long way with a lot of attractive NT women. I'm in no way saying you're a bad person because you aren't the life of the party (no Aspie is), but it's not generalizing to say that social NT women want a guy who is social himself and that goes for any guy on here including myself.

really? you think i've never been rejected? well, i HAVE. and how about being publicly mocked or humiliated by a group of guys who found me grossly unattractive?

Toad, i've been nothing but nice to you, and supported you on WP. but when you start making assumptions that i have always had it easy, then you are no longer being fair to me.

I think you are spot on in recommending that men, when they've gone a chronically long time without many relationships, have to be prepared to lower their standards.

Which reminds me also, you mentioned contacting girls online in the OP. Good advice, but good advice only if someone is prepared to really, really lower their standards.

My brother is NT and really really good looking. Attractive women check him out everywhere he goes, always have. While he had some situational circumstances (not someone with a social circle, never lived on a college campus, doesn't go to bars/clubs/parties) a lot of him not getting women was that he was shy, not even awkward. Then he got a job at an upscale supermarket where pretty women shop 24/7...and he got used to talking to and flirting with women. Now he's known at work as a ladies man, even among the ladies that work there. He comes home with a few numbers, business cards, or email addresses every week, and has got a lot of dates out of it.

My point being, if before when he was really shy (but NT and not awkward) he didn't get any women despite them liking his looks, what does that say for an average or sub-par looking guy with actual AS with a conventionally hot NT woman?

Like it or not, with attractive NT type A personality women, it's a competition...and the way you feel about that woman you see at the local white trash county fair, that's how those women feel about us. All of the pretty women I've been on dates with or even successfully made friends with (not "emotional tampon" friends, actual friends) were a-typical women...women that either battled depression themselves at one point, are shy, are familiar with the mental health industry and don't judge based on it if they like the person otherwise, or otherwise easy to get along with or non-judgmental or not necessarily looking for an all-out extrovert...and the only reason I got them or interested them is because they thought I was physically attractive and looked past the awkwardness.

This "AS guy gets the prom queen" fantasy (or whatever standards anyone has) is just a recipe for disaster.

but hilarious

has anyone pounded in the "confidence" point yet in this thread?

it's undeniably the biggest part of anyone's attraction to anyone. if you are able to be confident and convey that you really like someone (show them positive attention), that will completely change how you are perceived.

i doubt it's as much to do with looks as anyone thinks, for most women.

By sheer chance I found this ass of a post! Nicola the hairdresser was gorgeous, but since then there have been average woman I have looked at. I'm not after a supermodel lookalike. Why the hell would I want one, every bloke would be giving her the eye!

This.
Confidence is the biggest turn on. No doubt.

When I come across someone I find interesting, I always make the first move. I used to struggle with asking certain questions, but I am much better at it now.

How is confidence defined exactly? What does it entail?

Yeah well the way you've been going on about the hairdresser and how her standards are too high it led most of us to think you expect some kind of supermodel. Its good that you're not just targeting them.

"Confidence" is just a general term, though. I have confidence, and it has helped, but it has only helped me attract the women that would have liked me in the first place (which is a good thing, but my point being it won't make you attractive if the woman isn't into you.) The only thing confidence has done for me is turn me into an outgoing awkward guy that at least makes eye contact and doesn't stutter...instead of a guy that walks slouching with his head down and says few words to anyone and when he does, can't put together a sentence out of nervousness.

The "awkwardness" for Aspies is always going to be there or it can be faked as quirkiness or nerdiness. Not-so-good looking NT guys get beautiful NT women because they not only have the confidence, but have superior social skills as well.

But given the context, I would define confidence as in liking yourself and showing it on the outside, and talking to people with authority and purpose nad being a positive person. You can be shy and awkward but still show confidence.

Here's an example of what women don't want:

My shy NT friend briefly dated an Aspie guy that she had no physical attraction to whatsoever because he seemed nice. So when she told him after a while in a nice way that she wasn't at all attracted to him and he tried to manipulate her by saying "That will change" When she finally got the guts to dump him, he threatened "You'll regret f***ing with me" and threatened to show her mother dirty pictures she'd given him and blackmail her in other ways. When she got a new boyfriend, he stalked the boyfriend and asked her lots of questions about him.

She said when they were dating, he'd spoil her and buy her all sorts of presents. This is the sort of behavior that is dangerous...thinking you can win a woman's affection with presents and kissing-up, then when it doesn't work, getting angry and thinking "But I'm a "nice guy" she should love me." That's why I say a lot of nice guys aren't nice at all. They're just as manipulative as the bad boy.

I do make eye contact, and can put together a good sentence.

I think, however, that I do feel a bit discouraged because someone I had pursued in the past said I was weak because I asked for relationship advice, rather than instinctively knew what to say. Since then, however, I had gotten better at that. Sadly, she ended up marrying some drunk because she thought there was going to be order and predictability in said marriage.

She just sounds low quality...the kind that wants drama. I know it's hard to not be objective when you like someone, but if you look hard enough, the signs are there.

i think that nilescrane pretty much nailed this whole subject. the things he listed are things that we must all work on