15 Jan 2011, 8:28 pm
sunshower wrote:
I think there are any number of reasons you may have gotten the response you did.
1. It depends on who you propositioned. If it was someone who gets propositioned a lot, they may react more harshly.
2. How you worded it. You said you were respectful, and I have no doubt you thought you were, but you may have come across in some really bad way without realizing it - if I know anything about AS it's that most of the time you come across as different to what you think you come across as, or are trying to come across as.
3. They may have felt overwhelmed, threatened, or invaded, and not known how to deal with your message. They may have experienced overwhelming anxiety and lashed out without thinking.
There are other reasons. Just don't take it personally.
1. It depends on who you propositioned. If it was someone who gets propositioned a lot, they may react more harshly.
2. How you worded it. You said you were respectful, and I have no doubt you thought you were, but you may have come across in some really bad way without realizing it - if I know anything about AS it's that most of the time you come across as different to what you think you come across as, or are trying to come across as.
3. They may have felt overwhelmed, threatened, or invaded, and not known how to deal with your message. They may have experienced overwhelming anxiety and lashed out without thinking.
There are other reasons. Just don't take it personally.
First, thanks for responding
Although what you suggest about the wording is certainly possible, I doubt it in this case. I reviewed what I said and couldn't do any mental gymnastics which could cause it to be misinterpreted in that way. Furthermore, I've corresponded with about a dozen women on OK Cupid and have never gotten anything close to that reaction.
I tried not to take it personally, but it's difficult because their messages were quite personal and clearly intended to wound.
Not really a big deal to me, but I was hoping to understand what happened in order to avoid repeating it, I bear no ill-will towards the women involved whatsoever.
15 Jan 2011, 9:43 pm
Grisha wrote:
sunshower wrote:
I think there are any number of reasons you may have gotten the response you did.
1. It depends on who you propositioned. If it was someone who gets propositioned a lot, they may react more harshly.
2. How you worded it. You said you were respectful, and I have no doubt you thought you were, but you may have come across in some really bad way without realizing it - if I know anything about AS it's that most of the time you come across as different to what you think you come across as, or are trying to come across as.
3. They may have felt overwhelmed, threatened, or invaded, and not known how to deal with your message. They may have experienced overwhelming anxiety and lashed out without thinking.
There are other reasons. Just don't take it personally.
1. It depends on who you propositioned. If it was someone who gets propositioned a lot, they may react more harshly.
2. How you worded it. You said you were respectful, and I have no doubt you thought you were, but you may have come across in some really bad way without realizing it - if I know anything about AS it's that most of the time you come across as different to what you think you come across as, or are trying to come across as.
3. They may have felt overwhelmed, threatened, or invaded, and not known how to deal with your message. They may have experienced overwhelming anxiety and lashed out without thinking.
There are other reasons. Just don't take it personally.
First, thanks for responding
Although what you suggest about the wording is certainly possible, I doubt it in this case. I reviewed what I said and couldn't do any mental gymnastics which could cause it to be misinterpreted in that way. Furthermore, I've corresponded with about a dozen women on OK Cupid and have never gotten anything close to that reaction.
I tried not to take it personally, but it's difficult because their messages were quite personal and clearly intended to wound.
Not really a big deal to me, but I was hoping to understand what happened in order to avoid repeating it, I bear no ill-will towards the women involved whatsoever.
I'm sorry to hear that Grisha. I probably wouldn't recommend online dating myself, but I know that everyone has their own opinion about it. It's hard to know what a person is truly like and whether you are truly romantically attracted to them solely from online conversations. In the same stretch, I know that those of us who are extreme outliers feel their only chance may be online. I think if you would attempt online dating, one of those meet-up dating sites (like the one you were discussing your profile in with an earlier thread) would be the best way to go as I think it's vital to spend some time together in person before deciding to pursue a relationship with someone.
15 Jan 2011, 9:46 pm
5264443377776444844
Deinonychus
Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 363
Location: United Kingdom
15 Jan 2011, 9:57 pm
15 Jan 2011, 9:58 pm
5264443377776444844 wrote:
Moog wrote:
I am really sorry I was so rude in that PM, Grisha, I was having a bad day.
Haha, nice.
thanks for cheering me up
15 Jan 2011, 10:10 pm
16 Jan 2011, 4:37 am
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
16 Jan 2011, 5:40 am
16 Jan 2011, 5:55 am
Asp-Z wrote:
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
Good luck with that.
16 Jan 2011, 5:56 am
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
Good luck with that.
It's never gonna happen, I know it isn't, I put the bit about PMing me in as a joke really. It's not like I'm expecting anyone to actually like me.
16 Jan 2011, 6:28 am
Asp-Z wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
Good luck with that.
It's never gonna happen, I know it isn't, I put the bit about PMing me in as a joke really. It's not like I'm expecting anyone to actually like me.
Sorry, I meant it in a joking way too. As I'm sure we're both aware of, the reasons you would get no response are unrelated to how likeable you are. I'm sure you're a very likeable person.
16 Jan 2011, 6:31 am
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
Good luck with that.
It's never gonna happen, I know it isn't, I put the bit about PMing me in as a joke really. It's not like I'm expecting anyone to actually like me.
Sorry, I meant it in a joking way too. As I'm sure we're both aware of, the reasons you would get no response are unrelated to how likeable you are. I'm sure you're a very likeable person.
Ahh, OK. Hello Aspie literalness (hey, get this, Firefox spellcheck says "literalness" is a word)
I guess you're right, though. You can't really know someone based on forum posts. Then again, can you ever really know someone at all? I don't believe you can.
I'm getting too deep now, sorry
16 Jan 2011, 6:38 am
Asp-Z wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
I doubt I'd ever just ask someone out by PM, but if there was a female on here from the same part of the world as me who I developed a little interest in, I'd PM her and start chatting so we can get to know each other, then I'd take it from there.
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
If any girls wanna PM me, feel free, BTW.
*tumbleweed*
Good luck with that.
It's never gonna happen, I know it isn't, I put the bit about PMing me in as a joke really. It's not like I'm expecting anyone to actually like me.
Sorry, I meant it in a joking way too. As I'm sure we're both aware of, the reasons you would get no response are unrelated to how likeable you are. I'm sure you're a very likeable person.
Ahh, OK. Hello Aspie literalness (hey, get this, Firefox spellcheck says "literalness" is a word)
I guess you're right, though. You can't really know someone based on forum posts. Then again, can you ever really know someone at all? I don't believe you can.
I'm getting too deep now, sorry
You can create a subjective personalized perception of someone, that is subject to change at any time.
16 Jan 2011, 6:40 am
16 Jan 2011, 8:30 am
16 Jan 2011, 1:44 pm
I'd never want to date another WPer - this is where I come to get answers to my relationship problems. If my boyfriend was on here it would totally defeat the point of having useful and totally uninvolved people to help with my crazy.
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