Anyone out there happy about being single?

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I have dated, but it was like I was SO OVER it SO QUICKLY because she was a manipulative, money-grubbing little minx. It was over in FOUR MONTHS. Another woman I wanted to get with...well... it never got off the ground because she was pushy and emotionally unstable to me.

I find that not only do I not GET IT, I don't even CARE. I have said before that I now believe that I simply wanted what I saw other people doing, but I didn't have the skills to execute. I also have the whole RIGID and PRAGMATIC thing down pretty tight in the sense of being hard-nosed and very definite about what I will and won't do or compromise with.

Like I've said (ad nauseum), it upsets OTHER people more than it upsets ME that I'm single. Frankly, I don't understand what it is that UPSETS them so.

Rudy Simone's list of traits fits me nearly to a TEE. And whereas most people tennd to see it as something that I can to change and that NEEDS to change (for whom, praytell?), it simply doesn't work that way. If you're going to change THAT, a person would also need to try erasing my interests and vast store of useless knowledge - such as my prior and present intense interests in cruise ships or airliners or Chic (OH how I relate to CockneyRebel). You CAN'T, though.

I'm currently working on a website and working with an out-of-town web design firm. I'm using my ability to focus on a project like that to get the written materials together and work with the designer to get the project on the web. If I had to choose between doing this or being in a relationship, I would pick the project EVERY time. I wouldn't even choose a little bit of BOTH because the relationship would take away from working on the project as intensely as I would like! Even when it appear that I'm slacking, I'm working on it!

I don't really get the whole thing of trying to impress somebody because either you like me or you DON'T - period. I don't care about the unwritten rules of dating. Other than occasional sex, I have no interest in doing what couples do such as going out to eat, going to the movies, going to the store together, walking hand in hand in the park, sleeping in the same bed all the time.

No thanks.

I'm glad to hear that you found a way that works for you. Being able to concentrate all my energy and time on work or other interests is one of the things I really like about being single.
Although I must admit that I wouldn't mind the actual relationship. It's just the dating as a way to start a relationship that I don't get. It just seems too fake and complicated for me. I'd much rather know the person first under other circumstances without the pressure of a date. And then, if there's a mutual attraction, do the "dinner and a movie" thing

@ keira

I feel ya'. For ME, though, getting to know people under other circumstances = FRIENDSHIP.

Period.

I enjoy friendship IMMENSELY! Even though I struggle in conversations when the other person depends on me to primarily keep it going, I love interacting in small group situations with people I've known for long periods of time! The thing I like the most is that when "playtime" is over, I can go SPLITSKY and spend a fair amount of time alone.

One thing I have noticed of late. Being single again after such a long length of time has allowed me to re-discover the importance of friendships. Not just any old friendship or aquaintance but GOOD friends who can spend time with that you can converse with and share interests. You take for granted how enriching they are to your life when you are reduced to few or none in the aftermath of a long term relationship.

There is also the freedom and lack of constraint as well. No need to consider the needs and feelings of someone else in the pursuits you wish to embark on.

I'm not particularly happy being single, but I don't dislike it either. I don't think I should be in a relationship for the sake of it. I registered with a dating site a couple of years ago and occasionally meet people in real life, but the longest relationship I've had has been three (ish) months. Can't believe it was that short though, it felt much longer.

A psychologist I saw once suggested I should try the autistic community. This is a fairly small town, so I'm not sure where to start looking for it

@ Surreal

Well for me there are people that are just friends under any circumstances. And then sometimes with some people the connection I could feel was deeper. It's really hard to explain... It's like the relationship with such a person is always somewhere between a friendship and romance. There were only a few people like that that I've met and only one of those friendships evolved into something more. But the one that did was the greatest thing so far.

Anyway friends are very important. And I agree with Laz that it's so easy to take them for granted once you're in a long term relationship. For me it was hard to keep a job, a relationship and friendships at the same time so I really neglected my friends. I'm glad to have some of them back And now that I'm single I really enjoy their company

im not happy being single i wish i culd find a girl who will understand me an not use or cheat on me

It's lovely, it is. SHEER BLISS!! !!

your really lucky you found Prem, he is a very good friend. You seem to get a lot out of friendships, I have never found friendships a positive thing, I find them mostly stressful. I cant imagine having a friend like Prem and going to things together and hanging out. I think I find it too hard to get close to people in the way you have to in developing friendships. Ive also had a few betrayals which has shot my trust and made me even more insular.

I'm quite regressed though. In my late adolescence and early 20's I had a far superior social life. I had friends who have now long moved on because I left to live 150+ miles away 5 years ago and I came back to find everyone had buggered off except for 1-2 of them who hadn't stayed still in life while I was away. In some respects moving away to do my trainning in nursing totally screwed up my social life as I absolutely sucked at making new friends from scratch, i'm still learning now in some respects.

My relationships and their friends were a substitute for that while I lived up there. But once those relationships ran their course I had nothing up there nobody to fall back onto I was totally isolated and thats why I came back here. Because here I at least had people who were blood relatives too me who out of loyalty to being relations of me kinda have to put up with me when I have my moments of crash and burning

I've had my share of betrays too, outright manipulative nasty bastards, but they were also trying to do the same things to my other friends as well at the time.

You've had a sh***y time of things Lotusblossom theres no denying that. But there is always the opportunity to turn the page and learn to have friends again. I guess friendships for women work differntly in some respects. There appears to be some serious hostility women have for each other that just isn't there to nearly the same degree between men (mass generalisation? I could be wrong)

Anyway you know I only live down the road from you theres nothing to stop us doing things together if you want that platonic friendship you know where to find me.

Blimey, thats pretty much been my life story for the last few years. I'm glad to see its not just a character defficiency in me that this is actually something other aspies struggle with too. At some point i'd like to figure out how to manage a balanced existance. I've got the job and career side of life sorted. It appears the part of actually living and having fun is still a work in progress though

Oh that one is so getting right clicked and saved to the archive

When I found out that I had an ASD, I was super-bummed because I thought that meant it killed the possibility of me getting married. However, it made me re-evaluate the true reason why I wanted to get married. Really, I just wanted it to be like my friends and wear it as a badge of 'normalcy' and as a developmental achievement. It was an accomplishment for me rather than an emotional bond thing.

Oddly enough, knowing that I don't have to necessarily achieve normalcy and knowing that many people have found ways to influence the next generation by being teachers or interventionists, I'm ok with being single. Not having that pressure to find "the one" helps me just be myself I know God will use my life, and it doesn't have to be in the context of marriage for it to be used fully.

I write about it on a blog post in November and an obligatory Valentine's post if anyone wants to read further haha...

Oh WOW!

This was such a beautiful way of putting it!

When I was much younger, I wanted to get married not having any understanding of my state of being and inability to effectively relate to others. Eventually I always revert back to the state of getting caught up in whatever I get off on studying, researching, or writing about. The idea of doing some activity I'm not interested in just because my S.O. wants me to do it: NOT gonna' happen.

When I got a little older, I allowed myself to get depressed if a certain girl didn't like me - once to the point where my parents were called in by my school to talk to the counselors.

Then as a young adult during times when a certain girl would simply act like she didn't want to be bothered with me, I would get angry because I felt so out-of-sync with the rest of the world and had no idea of how to maintain someone's interest. The whole time, I never realized that the desire to be intimately involved was fleeting, at best. Eventually, my interests and projects would take precedence over time with someone else.

I had periods of time when I had lots of friends and associates. Then I had spans of time where I felt alone and invisible in the world. And there were also times when I preferred to be alone. As I've gotten older, I feel like I've struck more of a balance.

Is this making any sense?? It was like a war I didn't know I was fighting! I had nothing to call it except terms like LONER or ANTI-SOCIAL or STANDOFFISH or SNOBBISH...all rather derogatory terms.

Yeah, that makes sense. And just realizing that your life won't look like other peoples' might be freeing because you're not in a constant state of comparison