Reasons why you're a bad catch

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I'm sorry, I didn't realize a few extra pounds was comparable to being filthy.

Don't dis the jack.

What I'm objecting to is your suggestion that looks have no bearing whatsoever on romantic success. None. Nada. Zip. No one ever says "Hey, that guy/girl's hot. I think I'll talk to him/her.", and if they do it's because they were abused as kids or something. Yeah, I'm sure many people care more about personality than looks, but that doesn't mean that looks go completely and entirely unnoticed.

And what's the difference between a few extra pounds and being filthy? Neither one of them affects your personality, so why is being filthy an issue? I know why. Because being filthy is easier to control, so people feel less guilty about rejecting someone because they're filthy than about rejecting someone because they're fat. It makes them seem less superficial. Hell, what's wrong with being superficial? Why can't people just date who they want to date without trying to rationalize it?

Sorry if I sound angry here. I get like that when someone says something so outrageously stupid as this.

she didn't say this (bolded). so you're making a point of telling her she said something stupid... but she didn't say anything along those lines at all.

she was saying that being overweight is not necessarily comparable to being unwashed or unkempt. where you got an entire argument about people not caring for looks out of that... well, i have no idea.

You know, LordoftheMonkeys is trying to have a first class, top of the line, quality self-loathing mope and you guys are just harshing it with logic and facts. Have you no consideration?

This ^

This is an "I Suck" thread - can't we just hate ourselves in peace?

1. I'm honest and upfront
2. I have little regard for social norms
3. I'm simple enough to figure out that going on a second date appears to be pointless
4. I prefer phone calls over texting any day
5. I mainly prefer to hang out in person, but not in a group. Apparently people prefer the safety of a group.
6. I know people so well that I freak them out.
7. For what I lack in enthusiasm, I make up for in sarcasm. This pisses people off.
8. Her friends NEVER like me (for the reasons listed above)
9. Her parents DO like me (double whammy)

By the way, you might think these are reasons why I'm a good catch. They aren't. As far as being a "catch" is concerned, this is a horrible list. I'm not quite the fish on the hook most girls want me to be. This angers them, but they don't show it. It's not that I have a problem with most girls, I have a problem with most people.

Okay. Grisha had mentioned that the point of this thread was to have a mope, which it is not. hale_bopp actually stated that we were supposed to address problems in order to start fixing them. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to interpret your list to explain why these items might be bad things. I've followed in italics what I think you could do to improve. While socializing in groups as someone's date will take some work and it's very difficult to break the habits of being negative, it's very possible to get where you need to be and I know you're capable of making the slight adjustments needed for others. Love is worth it. Trust me.

1. I'm honest and upfront
Girls are used to men holding back and saying what they think girls want to hear. This makes an honest and upfront guy unsettling. It is not normal. It gives someone the impression that you're too intense and will move too fast... or... that you're actually being dishonest. She's not prepared for this.
Hold back a little. You don't need to be upfront about everything. Don't get all dishonest but learn what she wants to hear and let her hear it. In #6 you claim to know people very well, so read her for what she would like and provide it. Make dating an enjoyable experience that's an escape from the responsibilities and stress of daily life.

2. I have little regard for social norms
This also catches people off-balance. It leads them to wonder what you're capable of if you have no consideration for the basics.
Take the time to learn and respect the social norms. Have manners, learn what to say when, practice it at home alone in the mirror until you're confident you have it. You don't lose anything by learning these social norms and being able to participate. If you don't know what the social norms are, people watch and study their interactions. Take some notes from television... just generally how they relate to each other with body language, not any of the dialogue.... and read magazines and books. I know it's easier to do and respect something when it makes sense, and a lot of social norms do not make sense, but it's a fact that they are here as part of our culture and it's not going to change simply because we see no point to them. You do what you have to do to get what you want done. The road is not going to move beneath the car to get you where you want to be. You have to step on the accelerator to move forward. Don't argue with the metaphor trying to undermine the point. I'm right.

3. I'm simple enough to figure out that going on a second date appears to be pointless
I'm actually not sure what this means. Women don't disregard men because of simpleness. We choose not to go on a second date because we don't like the person for any myriad of reasons. Because of the first two, we can see why a woman would not opt for a second date. Not because of simpleness.
See above and address the real problems.

4. I prefer phone calls over texting any day
Texting is popular, can be done anywhere without others eavesdropping, and allows someone to properly respond in their own time. I prefer texting to talking on the phone because of this, and I'm someone who really needs to hear someone's voice to be able to go forward. Generally, people don't feel that phone calls are really private anymore.
Text a bit more without complain. Understand that it's what she's used to. Tell her that you like to talk to her on the phone because you like to hear her voice, that she has a pretty voice (etc). She will accommodate you if you accommodate her. After you get off the phone with her, send her a quick text saying an additional "good night" or "see you tomorrow". This returns her to her comfort zone with you and she feels that additional little touch of consideration that you're still thinking about her.

5. I mainly prefer to hang out in person, but not in a group. Apparently people prefer the safety of a group.
Most men prefer to have a woman alone, unless they have intimacy issues, because they want the opportunity to woo her. A woman is usually on her guard against someone who will only see them alone because it could mean that he's disinterested in her as a person (her life, her family, her friends, etc) and is only interested in sex. Because why else wouldn't be able to talk to her in front of other people?
You must learn to navigate a group, especially as someone's date. This is not easy. You will probably never be comfortable doing it. You must learn how to technically get through it. Not all of your dates should be group dates, but you cannot exclude her friends and family from your dating life.

6. I know people so well that I freak them out.
Insisting on describing someone to them can seem marginalizing, too intense, too strong, controlling and a potential to stalk. It's about more than simply being able to read her. It's about telling her about herself instead of trying to compliment what you've read about her by how you respond to and treat her.
Use what you can read about someone to make them feel comfortable with you. I know this advance seems similar to a Pick-Up Arist, but you're not doing it to use someone for sex; you're doing it to compliment someone and be able to be closer to them as a person. It's consideration. There are spouses all over the western world who spend thousands on marriage counseling seminars and books to learn how to read and compliment each other in this way.

7. For what I lack in enthusiasm, I make up for in sarcasm. This pisses people off.
Negative people will generate a negative response and be excluded. It's a fact of nature.
Release your negative energy. Sarcasm has its place but it cannot be negative sarcasm. When you lack enthusiasm, it is negative sarcasm. Exercise has been proven to release negative energy. Work on smiling, enjoying the situation, and encouraging others to enjoy a situation. You will generate more positive reactions and she will be more open to your sarcasm when you do have a joke.

8. Her friends NEVER like me (for the reasons listed above)
Definitely.
See all the above suggestions.

9. Her parents DO like me (double whammy)
You come off too quiet and unassuming, therefore not a threat to their daughter's safety. I tend to be wary of the arrogant ones and you would not seem arrogant or too bold on first impression. Given time, they would not appreciate the sarcasm, the intensity or the disinterest in seeing their daughter around other people.
This is fine. Keep doing this. If you want to pre-emptively explain to your date why her parents might not find you at all threatening to her, simply say, "Man, I get so nervous around someone else's parents the first time I meet them. I have no idea why." This makes her think that you'll be a stand-up, clear-spoken, bold young man who's proud to declare to the world very loudly that you're taking her out on a date. It's dumb alpha male crap but most chicks dig that, even if they don't care for the rest of the alpha male baggage.

You know I love ya, Mindslave, and that's the only reason why I did this for you.

Have you no heart? THINK OF THE CHILDREN! *dramatic weeping*

I don't mean to be a neussance. I was merely addressing what I perceived to be an incorrect statement. I do this for any subject, be it dating, science, politics, computers, or whatever.

I think I'll have a go at this one. Here are my reasons:

1. Extreme paranoia
2. Antisocial behavior
3. Fear of intimacy
4. Perpetual, overpowering urge to irritate people
5. Perpetual, overpowering urge to tell someone off when they irritate me
6. General apathy towards other people's lives
7. Tendency to argue about everything (probably the result of too much time spent on internet forums)
8. General misanthropy
9. Extreme preoccupation with my own personal interests

tammy is a person and there is much evidence of that contained in my post that your response is based upon. you have launched a rocket that has no destination because you have elected (or genuinely failed) to ignore details.


i saw it and i had to look away when the gore was being shown. i agree totally with you about the welfare of animals, but i must point out that tammy is a human girl who has nothing to do with the cattle trade.


no i guess not.
but the steaks are already cut and in the display window. i think that if i died, that there would be such an insignificant drop in the culling of cattle due to the fact that i am no longer a consumer.

i like to eat meat, and i do not associate steaks with living animals thankfully. i never saw a steak in a cow standing in a field, so when i buy a steak, i do not see the cow who died to feed me.

that is my feeble way of justifying how i can feel nothing but culinary satisfaction when i am eating a steak or a burger or whatever.

anyway, i am too tired to argue with you but i will assure you that i would never personally kill any animal. i love animals very much and i will go severely out of my way to provide for their safety.

i currently have a family of birds who communicate with me because they like me because they trust me and i also feed them (of course).

when i hear them tweeting outside on the railing of the balcony, i always stop what i am doing and go out and see them and then i grind up "crunchy nut cornflakes" into a pet food bowl and the birds love it. i love them too.

i am an omnivore because i have no palate for sources of protein other than meats.

and i have no idea where you get the idea i have "stratospheric" intelligence. i do not know much about the stratosphere.

(that was a joke, but i am not as intelligent as "stratospherically" intelligent people are).

anyway i am bored with this conversation.

Where did I say people don't notice outward appearance? Please, show me.

Filth is a health hazard, unlike a few extra pounds. That's the main difference. Of course, that's if you disregard the smell that can make one physically ill.

You can say I'm being stupid all you want, but it doesn't make it true.

I know someone who usually smells really bad who does not have difficulty "interacting" with females somehow. I realize this is an exception. The fact that they are charismatic and confident doesn't hurt. Is it relevant that I don't like this person (for other reasons)? Is any of this relevant?

Men are less likely to have difficulties interacting with the opposite sex when they have hygiene problems. Women are expected to be cleaner.

I appreciate your bored with this conversation B 9 ( so this will be the last of it .

www.millenniumrestaurant.com

Any way their are plenty of opportunities to eat well on a vegan diet people are to lazy and stupid to realise that fact OR as I suspect in your case weaned (addicted) to these foods,.

But I suspect most people simply do not care (sad but true) I guess Gandhi was right when he said the moral progress and greatness of a nation can be measured by how it treats it's animals.