If it turned out your partner was transsexual...

Post Reply New Topic

People calling us disgusting, repulsive and undateable seems pretty oppressive to me.

Imagine for a moment that a transsexual person was in a relationship with someone and that relationship ended. Imagine then, that that ex-partner tells their friends. Then those friends tell their friends and before you know it, everyone knows that Mr X is a transsexual. Not an ideal situation for someone who doesn't want people to know they're a transsexual, is it? Obviously, a true and honest partner would never do such a thing, but not everyone has the benefit of going out with a true and honest partner. I've had people who I thought were close friends saying all sorts of things about me to their friends, so I imagine the same thing can happen with partners.

The problem with your scenario is that a gossiping ex can afflict anybody. The other problem with your scenario is that you're justifying a definite betrayal of someone's trust based on the possibility that they might betray yours.

You're 16, one day you'll appreciate the taste of grim reality I offered, especially when everyone else around you is egging you on for fear of offending you.
- I see in later posts you mistook (more likely deliberately ignored) what I said, which was that the notion of SEX with a transsexual is repulsive. Not transsexuals as a whole. Might sound bad on first reading, but what if... I were a gay man and discovered that straight men are similarly repulsed by the thought of sex with actual men (which they are). Should I be offended? Of course not, that would be stupid.
- I know you didn't chose to be this way, I did not try to suggest otherwise. That does not change the validity of my previous statements.
- No you want to believe there is no other option to justify your choices. Also the surgery is not the startling success you make it out to be, there is a not unsubstantial minority who have their surgery reversed and there are plenty of transsexuals who kill themselves having gone through the operation, guess they didn't find what they were looking for.



Just as I will never become an astronaut, you will never be a man. Life is unfair, you can learn to deal with it or not.



Not undateable, theres always someone (like I implied before its usually only other transsexuals that can get past the eww) who will date you. But remember going through the surgery decimates your dating options. I've covered "repulsive". "Deceitful" was only used in the context of beginning a sexual relationship without revealing your true nature.



Yeah it's tough being different, but remember that this "mass rejection" is often self inflicted through the surgery. A masculine inclined woman is always going to have far more options than a surgically altered FtM.

I can only assume that you are not particularly interested in, or talented at anything to do with space exploration, which is why you will never become an astronaut. Perhaps if you were skilled enough, it would be a possibility. Now, when it comes to 'being a man', no I am not a man yet, because I'm still a teenager. I understand that life is unfair in some ways, but not trying to make it any better seems like a rather foolish option. That's like not escaping your dead-end job because 'life's unfair'. I will do whatever makes me happiest and being treated like a male person makes me happy, as does learning languages, going for walks in green spaces, wearing nice clothes etc. The things that make me happy might not make you happy, but that doesn't matter to me. I don't live to please others.


You say 'more options', but do you mean more romantic options? I can either have more potential partners being something I'm not, or fewer feeling at ease with myself. I know what I'd choose. I'd have more 'options' if I dressed in minidresses, grew my hair long and straightened it, wore loads of makeup, knew a lot about pop culture and went to parties. But that simply isn't what I'm like and I'm not going to live my life being uncomfortable because some people want me to. All I ask is that people leave me to get on with my business and I'll leave them to get on with theirs (as long as it's not illegal).

deleted due to multi post.

Last edited by nichiren on 07 Aug 2011, 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This subject tends to inspire extreme views, and the ones who hold those views are the ones most likely to post in a thread like this.
Plus some people are here just to provoke others.

Don't judge the whole of humanity by the views expressed here. Plenty of people will find you worthy of a date, and of love.

deleted due to multi post.

Last edited by nichiren on 07 Aug 2011, 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm a guy and I feel similar.
I actually love my male form because I am a mesomorph and pretty strong and agile naturally.
High testosterone and nice build(once I lay off the junk food again) although face wise I look like a proverbial goblin.
Since the docs would not agree to sterilize me in my teens an early twenties I just pretty much went celibate.
But I like the idea of a MtF has a vagina but no ability to have children.
then again hopefully she would not want to adopt either.

Do not know why I'm even thinking about this as I doubt anyone will want me anyway lolz.

My opinion is that as long as they were a good person, I wouldn't care what their gender is. Course I am probably not an ideal person to ask.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1kHXXogeWE&feature=related[/youtube]

Nah, my country does not have a space program and even if they did our species seems to have lost their wanderlust for the time being. They probably won't regain it until I am dead or too old. I could train hard, emigrate, but even then there are better candidates - I would never make the cut. It's not going to happen, it's a pipe dream and would be a waste of my life if I followed it.



That's fine - up to a point. The second any relationship becomes a potential romantic one, you need to come clean. To do otherwise is deception and grossly inappropriate.





Spoken like a true child (or a western female hohoho). Here's a free hint if you want to follow your pipe dream. Men are often judged and valued by society on their ability to provide, protect and generally put others first.

EDIT



That's not what I was trying to get across, I was merely pointing out that there are other options and maybe, just maybe, mutilating yourself and pumping yourself full of hormones is a pretty poor one that may well make things worse.

Last edited by lilypadfad on 07 Aug 2011, 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I assume you are talking about me and I say you wouldn't know extreme views if they sat on your face. The worst I've suggested is that the vast majority of heterosexual people cannot romantically link with transsexuals and that maybe gender reassignment does more harm than good.

Yep I've completely disregarded the OP's feelings to express that - is what passes for extreme views now? Refusing to mollycoddle people? Or is it views that oppose your own, offend your way of thinking that you classify as extreme?

At no point have I advocated violence, imprisonment, exile, feeding them to bears - those would be examples of extreme views.

Sometimes the way you say things is important.

Although the 'extreme views' criticism was overblown, this response is more overblown.


There's a difference between mollycoddling someone and disagreeing politely.

I usually find myself more persuaded by a politely disagreeing opinion than an impolite one that agrees with me.

I agree with you.

Okay let me put it this way. Suppose someone is living in an extreme poverty and they are about to die from hunger. In order to alleviate their situation, they scam you for money. They don't snatch money from your hands. Instead, they simply tell you something that is not true which causes you to willingly give them money. Now do you think that they are justified because they would have died otherwise?

Now, what you are saying here is something along the same lines. You are saying it is so hard for you to be a transsexual and thats why you are justified in hiding it from people. You are basically saying that "as a human being" you "deserve" a right to have a love partner. You then go on to say that if you tell them you are transsexual, they will refuse to give you something you "deserve" to have; and therefore you don't tell them. This is the exact argument a scammer would use. A scammer would say that they "deserve" to be able to eat. But everyone is so "selfish" that if they tell them the truth no one would give money. So they have to lie in order to make people give them what they deserve to have anyway.

The point I am trying to make is that, regardless of what you feel you "deserve to have" you can't force other people to give it to you by not revealing full information. Yes there are plenty of people who are willing to donate to help the poor. But they have to KNOW that is what they are doing. That way a person who doesn't want to help the poor has an opportunity to say "no". Likewise, there are some people who are willing to date transsexuals, as you can see from the responses from this thread. But there are others that are not willing. So you have to give the people who are not open in dating transsexuals an opportunity to refuse, by giving them the information they need to know.

Not being willing to date transsexuals does not mean viewing them as inferior. As a straight man, I am not willing to date other men. This does not mean I view other men as inferior. But at the same time I find sex with men repulsive. Now, the reason I find sex with transsexuals repulsive is for the simple fact that they have "man" in them. Now whether it is MtF or FtM transsexual, in both cases there is SOMETHING about them that is "man"; hence, both kinds of transsexuals are ruled out. Again, this has nothing to do with viewing them as "inferior". It has to do with my not wanting to date MEN, and I don't find men to be inferior.

Now I understand that in your views a MtF transsexual is fully a woman and, therefore, as a straingt man I "should" be okay dating "her". But in MY view he/she is NOT "fully a woman". So why are you forcing me to date someone based on YOUR view? It is the same thing as scammer forcing someone to pay based on THEIR view that somehow they "should" want to contribute to charity; and if they happen not to want to ... well, they "should" anyway. The point I am trying to make is that we live in a free country and I should be allowed to live consistently with my views. If you feel that I am "wrong" in not agreeing that MtF is fully a woman, I have no problem with TALKING about it and seeing if you can convince me. That is fine with me. What I am NOT fine with is your not giving me complete information to begin with and thus "forcing" me to view you as a woman even though I wouldn't have if I had complete information.

Also the other thing to point out is that scam is considered a crime in most countries. Now let us ask why is this so? I mean scammers don't physically snatch money out of anyone. Their victims give money willingly. The reason it is a crime is that making someone do something based on inaccurate information IS the same thing as forcing them to do it. So likewise, making someone date you by not telling them you are trans is the same as FORCING them to date you, which is rape. If I were with a MtF trans who would tell me she used to be a man, I would certainly feel like I was "raped by a man". That is precisely why it is wrong.

So you fall in love with a person's body, rather than their personality?