I don't care if people call me a "misogynist"

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@AsteroidNap, thanks for backing me up. If I can do anything, I can teach that life does go on even if life isn't all wonderful 100% of the time, 24/7. It's all I can do really.

Join the club, buddy. I have been disliked as long as I can remember. My parents hated me practically from the 1st day they brought me home from the hospital. Why they didn't just turn around & take me back, I'll never understand. They punished me for not being what they wanted or expected. As I got older, the situation grew worse for me. I unwittingly developed a Tomboy hate club where ever I went. Didn't matter if it was my parents family, their friends, peers from the neighborhood or at school, co-workers, etc. I heard that I was "nice," but that didn't stop the haters from being abusive. I've had a total of 4 close friends during my life...none for more than 10 years. Women hate me, & men love to abuse me. It also followed me into my 1st marriage, & beyond. It's only been in my 40s that things have gotten a little better. But I ended up having to resign my last job due to haters.

Feel better now? I am female & hated. It's turned me into a misanthrope...I really don't hate people though. But I certainly have learned that human beings cannot be trusted in RL. I've even been told I need to change my personality. What? Maybe I should consult with a doc to see if they can do a personality transplant. Maybe then, people might actually like me. Until that happens, I'll just continue to be hated as ever.

Autistics get bullied in their youth, whether it happened to autistic boys or to girls. My youth was much like Tomboy's was. Bullied. Only the difference is, that girls acted as if they were interested, but they bullied and gossiped about me behind my back.

Still, men must walk in the fire to get a girlfriend, and women can either accept or reject a man. Still if we are talking about dating, it is as I wrote earlier. Women can get sex easier than men can. If you talk about youth and being in a relationship there is more equality. So what Tomboy wrote, doesn't prove me wrong about what I wrote. Her experiences and my experiences don't "bite" eachother.

My hate against women is gone, but there is no full trust yet. I mistrust women, or they clearly improve to me, that my mistrust was unjust.

So... I come to the conclusion: If sexism or misogynism is not fair, why do girls and women play tricks with me and bias my opinion about women? I still don't get it.

i think you missed tomboy4good's point. she had bad experiences (a lot of which were at the hands of men) YET she is not lamenting on the forums why all men are supposedly so horrible. she endured unspeakable kinds of physical, sexual and emotional abuse (largely at the hands of men, though women were not angels either) and yet she is still be willing to be openminded about open to the opposite sex.

which brings us to this point... a person's attitude does not truly arise from the experiences themselves. it arises from how they interpret those events. it is possible to experience torture, rape, violence of all sorts, yet still be a compassionate, openminded and loving person who is lacking in any sort of prejudice and hate.

are you in therapy? that is a good step if you actually want to get past any negativity you may still hold towards women.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 23 Aug 2011, 11:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hans, all experiences are going to be subjective based on one's opinion. Of course, I don't expect yours to be identical to mine. Nor do I expect you to trust women based upon what you've been through. I certainly do not trust all people I meet. I am more choosy now about the people I want in my life than I used to be, & find out more by observation of their behavior from close proximity. I try not to make snap judgements about others though..it takes time to figure out who is trustworthy. Once I was hungry for people to love & accept me, which turned them off...or worse attracted abusers who recognized my neediness. Most people judge me for being aloof...it's a defense mechanism.

What really bothers me is when someone complains about how miserable their life expereinces have been & yet don't do anything to change their fate. We all have choices...some are better than others. If someone says all women are b!tches for instance...that's what gets to me. I know some women are definitely b!tches, but that doesn't mean it's safe to say that it also applies to all females. Likewise, I'm sure I'd get a lot of heat if I were to make a blanket statement that all guys are a$$hole$. Is it true for many, yes? Is it true for all...no. We just can't go around making generalized statements about people. We need to look at people as individuals, & decide whether we want to know more about them or not based on their attitudes as we meet them.

Thanks Hyperlexian...I appreciate the back up. Your comments are correct. Couldn't have said it better or more clearly. nn Even after all I've been through, I do still try to keep an open mind about people (men & women both!). I would not say I cannot be prejudiced in all cases. All someone has to do is rub me the wrong way, & I am likely to make some pretty harsh judgements about them. I can however also see the same person as a flawed person too...which is a step forward. I don't punish everyone I meet because of my past experiences.

I am human, & am prone to make mistakes. But that doesn't mean I can't learn to change my ways & make better choices in the future. If I can learn to do this...it's not impossible for others to do the same. Just sayin.'

I find it pretty hard to trust people, although this is easier since I am older and the people that could be friends (peers), are older, too. It is hard because I often don't see what I am up too. This might make me vulnerable: trusting people, getting a bit too naive, and get abused. Most girls and women in the past, I have considered untrustworthy or at least questionable. I still try to be friendlier with women, but I have to see yet each time, how this evolves.


It is hard to change my fate. I know, to be friendlier and have more success to women, I need more social skills. Where do I learn them. In my neighborhood there is not such a thing as social skills courses. Those courses are for people that are under treatment by psychologists and psychiatrists. I am in a situation that I the psychologists and psychiatrist consider me stable enough, so they are not eager to send those to courses, that are not under treatment.

Secondly, most Dutch women think that autistics cannot maintain a relationship and don't know a thing about sex. It is hard to change their thoughts. Since they have a good intuition, they also see fast that I am different from other men. Those men, often non-shy NT men have more qualities and possibly have more skills than I am. That is what women think when they compare different types of men. I would like to change their thinking pattern, because I think they are not realistic (knowing both myself and other men), but the desire to change those ways of thinking is not realistic itself.

Thirdly, the time is going very fast and I grow very old. I have not much time to overthink this.

Fourthly, I sometimes choose to do nothing about it, since this is an obsession from time to time. I want to suppress these thoughts, and pay attention to more pleasurable things.


It is those females themselves that taught me these things. Not literally, but it is the impression they give, by persistend bullying by large groups of girls and young women. Therefore I did really hate them. The hate is gone (because hate can be irrealistic and unsocial), but I still find women questionable.



If a woman dislike men, I won't attack her immediately. She may have a reason to say that. Possibly negative experiences with men in the past. Who can tell? If a woman says: "I hate men," I won't say: "You MFing b***h!" but: "Why do you hate men?"

@hans, I still have issues of trust. It's with nearly everyone I have to deal with. There's been so much abuse over the years, I just cannot bring myself to blindly trust anyone these days. It's earned, not an automatic. Piss me off or confuse me, & I back away. I just return to my corner to try to figure out what happened.

As far as learning social skills, I have no clue. I have the same issue. The last visit with my last shrink (debating whether to return because she doesn't understand where I am coming from), couldn't grasp that I can't read other peoples' reactions to me. Here again, is an issue of trust with this doctor. I do not trust her...she doesn't have a clue what I am going through....have gone through my whole life. I know I am annoying/irritating, but really have no clue what I am doing wrong. How to change what I don't know? I can't! It's very frustrating. I've even asked for social skills training, & she doesn't get why I ask. All I can say is she must be NT. I'm waiting for my test results before I continue either way. I need something to back up my needs. So we shall see, I'll get my results a week from Friday.



That's short sighted of the women then, I'm sorry. My hubby is probably on the spectrum too, though not as severe as me. We have a great relationship. But I do realize that it's not easy for everyone to find someone. I got lucky with him. But we've known each other a long time. We were friends long before anything else came of it. Is it possible for you to become friends with women first? That might be a better first step. Get to know what women like....not sexually, but preferences for food, drink, outtings, etc. Also, if you can't make eye contact, you may have to overcome it. Women like it. You won't be able to change it overnight, & you don't have to be overly good at it...just make some eye contact.



Even old dogs can learn new tricks. I'm also in my 40s, & wrote off being in a relationship with a man nearly 10 years ago due to all the stuff they'd put me through. Maybe it hasn't happened for you yet, but it could still happen. Don't throw in the towel yet. But I have found that when I am actively seeking, I do not find. It may take patience & finding out things that you can do with others in group situations. I have a somewhat low tolerance for big groups of people but small groups I do better. Do you have any friends that you can practice skills with? Maybe they could help you with the social skills.

What kind of things do you enjoy? I ask because I think it's really important to meet someone who has similar interests. For my hubby & I, it's travelling, being active/hiking/beach going, & photography. I think you're more likely to meet someone compatible through a shared interest.

Like I said, I am not immune from distrusting anyone (male or female). My trust is earned. If they are not interested in gaining my trust, then I move on.

I wish you lots of luck.

I can say my life was not necessarily easier than yours. Probably a lot worse.
but I somehow believe it's someone's job to teach human beings to treat each other with respect and kindness. and as tragic as it may sound to others and to you, it's probably job of mine and yours too.

I don’t think men use a common sense when dealing with women.
I mean, If a woman were to engage in sex with a man with possibility of getting pregnant and bear his child for whole entire year and having to sacrifice your entire life raising the baby and also what about the possibility of dying when giving a birth to a child?

So If you are man, please imagine what type of a man you’d dedicate your life and give yourself to?

Would you go with a some prick who says some weird and funny pick-up lines?

I guess not everyone is thinking about having family or living together for rest of their lives when they are dating but when sex enters into the picture, that is usually the predictable story that is too often followed.

As you have said, the coping mechanism has moulded me into a person which is not really who I am. But it’s not just men but society as a whole despise certain women.
Because I would most likely not respect most human beings, except the few in my life time. which means I would be ignored by most guys and even hated by some during my life time. and this applies to every single human beings that inhabit on this planet.
You will not be liked by all women. you’d be lucky if you will be truly loved by one woman in your lifetime. so don’t think you are the only who dealing with this dilemma.
Earning someone’s trust or heart is the most difficult thing in the world. and that is coming from someone who feels absolute disgust and hate in current humanity due to what I had experienced so far.

Very well said. Your perspective on the gravitas of bearing a child, the responsibility that implies in choosing a partner, gave me an insight I hadn't considered fully before.

Not that it's much consolation, but... your life could be much worse if you were in a relationship. Just look around you. Domestic violence charges, BS rape charges done by vengeful girlfriends, kids outside of marriage. It's not like you get a relationship with someone and life instantly goes better, it could be far far worse. I bet a lot of people in situations with bad relationships but having kids, would love to trade for your position of being able to play video games and stay inside all day. People really get this idea of "if I just get this, then I'll be happy" and it's not always true, or rather, it's very rarely if ever true. To an extent, your happiness comes from yourself, what you make of situations. Obviously this only works to a point, I'm not suggesting like the Hindu/Buddhist "you create your own reality" But really, you gotta figure out how to best work with what you're given, and if needed, use what you're given to change things to get what you want.

I'm 20, and in the exact situation as you, though. Never kissed, never been on a date. However, I don't stay in my house all day and am actually quite active and whatever. Just it's never worked out for me and dating, I could have made things work better, but it's just learning from mistakes and learning better ways to deal with things.

In middle school and high school, I got bullied a lot, especially by girls. It seemed to work that the girls would manipulate the guys into bullying me at times. It was terrible. But, I ended up leaving high school, forcefully, at 16, I got expelled and never came back. (Silly thing about this, in 8th grade I told everyone how I hated school, how it wasn't going to work, how I could pass the GED right now, etc, and they didn't listen, and I was pissed when I found out the GED was like 6th grade level.) Now I'm 20, and could give a f**k about high school. It's over, I never really have to see those people again anymore. I moved a town away, and started fresh. Try to start over somehow, that's my advice. Past is the past, try not to let it affect your future.

Sorry dude, and God bless.

Oh, edit, one thing too with dressing bummy. For me, that was stupidly simple to fix. My mom used to buy me clothes from Walmart, let's say a pair of jeans was 10 bucks, they'd be crappy looking jeans. I'd have to wear them forever with holes in them, my mom couldn't sew, and my sewing I was forced to learn to do looked pretty bad. Eventually, I got a bicycle, and was like 3 miles away from Salvation Army. Salvation Army had preppy brand jeans I wanted when I was in high school for like 3 bucks a pair. They were used, but they were name brand and somewhat fashionable. I switched out my plain black Hanes t-shirts for red Hilfiger and Polo ones that actually cost 6 times less or so (50c a shirt.) So for me, my decision to start wearing used preppy clothes was a practical and good looking one. I figured out a way to "beat the game" by doing that, I didn't have to spend all of, or really any money on clothes. Clothes even became entertaining to buy at the price of a can of soda. It's like I figured out a loophole somehow by doing that, and with most things in my life, the only way I've managed to adapt was by doing something like that. I figured I'll never be able to do things the "normal" way. If I had to pay $20 a shirt for my Polo tshirts, I obviously wouldn't do this, but I believe this is "better." So for me, I used my weirdness to make things work better.

Adapt and overcome.

If women had a reluctance to date on the basis of staggering incidence of rape and domestic violence
even remotely-comparable to men's reluctance to date on the basis of a few men being falsely-accused of those things,

I dare say no man would have a sex partner, girlfriend, or wife ever again.