Why don't single women hereput their pics up as an avatar?

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What do you mean, sunshower? Were people bothering you through PM?

If I wanted to bother her with a PM, I would probably ask her "why are you hiding behind the tree?".

Oh no... well not exactly. They were all male posters who were trying to engage me in interaction, presumably leading to some sort of romance (as their initial message was some sort of compliment referencing an aspect of my physical appearance (as opposed to something I had said or my posts) - a.k.a. I saw in your avatar how you have beautiful eyes) It was very tiring, and made me feel very guilty as after a while I couldn't bring myself to keep replying to people. I like my current avatar because it also is a great representation of who I am (as well as the artsy self-portrait ones like the above I used to use) but has no indication of what I look like IRL, so people here can judge me entirely by the content of my posts without my physical appearance clouding people's perception of me.

I find it difficult to separate peoples response to me in accordance to the two elements of visual and verbal (what I say, and what I look like). I know it's the same for everyone, but often the experience stresses me out and makes me feel really anxious. I feel strong resentment and sometimes even bursts of hate (which I quickly suppress) when I think people are kind/befriending me solely because of visual elements, especially as this didn't come into play at all when I was younger and those same people would have either ignored or abused me back then.


That's partly why this topic rubs me up the wrong way. Judging somebodies self worth according to how "beautiful" or "ugly" they are. It's a sickness. I referenced myself as having the sickness because I judge myself according to how attractive I perceive myself to be on a day to day basis. For so long I was either reviled and ignored, and as much as I detested having people suddenly be nice to me for appearance related reasons I couldn't help having that tied in with my self worth. When somebody complements my physical appearance it makes me feel both good (like I have worth and people like me) and angry/hating simultaneously. The level of the angry/hating varies according to who it is who speaks the compliment - if they remind me of an abuser type from my past it rises exponentially. But it's not enough to wipe out the "good" feeling, which is like a drug to someone with low self worth. The whole thing is very messed up.

I would probably like this PM.

I hope you've bought the cane for Miss Hyperlexian to use?

You may be projecting some of your own issues regarding your appearance onto others, and/or expecting the impossible.

hand me that cane, it's time for your punishment.

Are you going to leave me all nice and sore? I'd love that. I'd love to see the sweat form on your brow as you whip me.

I'm not expecting anything. I'm not here looking for a date, I'm just here trying to be myself. The psychology of love and relationships is one of my special interests. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by expecting the impossible, but perhaps that it is in fact impossible for people not to choose to speak with me simply because they find some physical aspect of me attractive? Or that it's impossible for people not to open communication with me for the first time with an appearance based compliment?

I agree that I am projecting my own issues about appearance onto others, most definitely, see above. I understand that it's wrong of me to feel negatively towards guys IRL who are veritable strangers and compliment my appearance, or guys who tell me they like me because I'm "beautiful"/"pretty" (again, I'm quoting straight from the mouths of others, not my own). If a close male friend says it, or a female says it, there are no negative feelings. I find it hard to believe that a man to whom I am a complete stranger has chosen to speak with me because they actually like *me* and not because they just like my appearance, especially when their opening words are a physical compliment. I find it even harder not to dislike any guy who has known me for a longer period of time and still consistently compliments my appearance but no other aspect of me. I don't need to have people compliment me, the problem is the ratio - the imbalance of compliments when they occur. It speaks volumes. I wonder if these people even know me, or anything about me, at all.

Yes, there is a lot of bitterness here. It's a sickness, as I have said.

You said something before about wanting guys to separate your looks and personality. But you can't separate those, since your looks factor into your personality, as you've provided plenty of evidence for. Also, it's human nature to judge based on looks. There have been studies on how babies prefer attractive people, and how adults interpret the same gesture differently depending on the attractiveness of the person giving the gesture. That's what I meant by expecting the impossible.

I don't think it's wrong of you to feel negatively towards strangers who make comments about your appearance. That's unnecessary and uncomfortable. Though I would say just smile, thank them and brush it off.

You're right. I think it's something I can't admit to myself.

I wont go their it was OK to cane un DX aspie with severe depression , be baited by teachers/students bite back and get caned up to 3 times on each hand . And it hurts trust me.

HOWS THAT FOR SICK SUNSHOWER

Thankfully corpral punishment in the school system ended in the late 1990'S

I'm not sure why Sunshower has problems with people complimenting her on her looks , would you prefer people complimented on things that you also have no control over such as your creativity and IQ

How about you end this jibber jabber and be grateful your so good at so many things (including looking good) I'd kill to be good at something . I'm a usless POS and I don'y care

I love Mr. T I had to quote him I saw him last night on the home shopping network spruiking a plasticity throw awayie convection oven thingies.

Is it just me I find these shows rather entertaining ? Can't be worse than Masterchef can it ?

Am I alone ?

Last edited by aussiebloke on 21 Dec 2011, 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Too much risk.

Save my pic for my beloved

no caning for you then. i was punishing Tequila anyways.

but about corporal punishment.... i taught at a school where the religion teacher used to "strap" the kids on the hands with a leather strop when they got their lessons wrong. i hated that place, and on my last day there i took his leather strop and cut it down to a tiny baby miniscule size, about 2 cm or an inch long.

so i imagine that the next day, when he would go to punish the kids, he would open his desk and find a ridiculous triangle of leather instead of his usual instrument of torture. it felt soooooo good to do that.

yes, i burn my bridges.

Because sunshower has issues. Somehow people complimenting her on her looks has become associated with past trauma.

Got to get the more serious issues and meds under control before I can even start to work on all that stuff. I know I am lucky to have the abilities and privileges I do have. I am very fortunate. I am trying to fix myself so I am worthy of being who I can be and giving back what I can. I know both unresolved trauma and psychological illness (bipolar) are holding me back, but these things I can tackle a bit at a time.

Sorry for derailing the thread. I am behaving very self absorbed. I would have liked to just go back and delete all my posts - which are unnecessary, but as they are quoted there would be no point to this.