Misogyny

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HighPlateau
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29 Dec 2011, 4:54 am

purchase wrote:

Or you could look for women similarly disinterested in frustrating games and relationships.

I understand about the revulsion at the cheapness of everything having a price... I don't know what to say, you can own the whole earth but no one is going to give it to you, you have to take it. I didn't say that to be harsh. I know it's harsh, that fact in different forms has made me so sad so many times. But then again. The whole world is yours for the taking. So in one way everything has a price but who are you paying the price to. The space between things kind of, that's shared by everyone. Everyone pays the life they were given for nothing into the communal pool and ends up with either nothing or everything depending on what you define as the boundaries of your self and life. I feel like I'm talking in a way that won't be taken seriously so I will stop.

I do like what you said here and do take it seriously. In fact, I agree. But it's hard to get this message of love/diaphanousness through to those who aren't already in that space, I think.

HighPlateau
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29 Dec 2011, 5:16 am

fraac wrote:

If he found a really good prostitute he could work through his issues with her. Play out fantasies until they didn't have power over him.

I think that is downright dangerous advice when the OP describes so much undisciplined rage bubbling away just under (or over, for all I know) the surface. Sex workers already have a very hazardous job. Why encourage someone to enter the mix when the outcome is unknowable and the danger to everyone (psychological as well as physical) could get notched up as a result?

One risk associated with playing out fantasies is that they get to take over and this can happen when the line between reality and fantasy is blurred. Again, safety is everything. People must know exactly where the boundaries are. That is not a good move for someone whose boundaries are all over the place, as they seem to be here. Therefore, in my view this is more really ill-considered advice.

Misogyny is everywhere. It often turns up in disguise and can be hard to recognise once buried deep and entrenched. It is very sad to see an old man suffering in this way, still incapable of headway because he persists in blaming others for his own deep problems. OP is already way ahead of the game. He is young; he has the courage to own it and describe it; and wants to be rid of it. That gives him power to take the next step. Therapy is the first priority. At the same time he might be well-advised to join a few good interest groups to take him outside his obsession and into regular contact with likeminded people. That is where genuine connection begins. It is not a mystery; it just takes patience.

HighPlateau
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29 Dec 2011, 5:37 am

Guybrush_Threepwood wrote:

I think the OP has a rigid perspective of human relationships. People come together and stay together for many different reasons. It's true that you can look at the formation and maintenance of a relationship as something potentially tiring and could put you off if you believe that you would always have to continuously prove that you were worthy even after the initial efforts of "juggling".

I'll let you in on something...not every person on this planet treats a relationship in a manner similar to a financial investment. There is the possibility of meeting somebody that wants to be with you, simply because once they have begun to know you they want to finish the book...and want to help write the unwritten chapters. But then life is so uncertain and the chaotic nature of it all sends my head spinning in a million directions at once...how would I find this person? What if I screw it up? What if I find them, all goes well, and then they get hit by a truck?! Oh god!

Stop. Breathe. If this is at all familiar then here is secret number two. All of that chaos inside your mind with a multitude of negative outcomes playing out and scaring you off wanting a relationship is normal. The cure is to hard reset. See it as a memory leak. It will only get worse. How to hard reset? Blow your load inside a member of the opposite sex that makes you physically react in a very positive manner when you notice her. That is the only true way for a male to reset these thoughts and make you truly realise that meeting a person in the right situation for things to prosper can happen, requires some effort on your part to be part of the world, and shouldn't be stressed about because life serves it or it doesn't...you don't make that ultimate decision.

In your situation, as I understand it, I would recommend you find yourself a lovely girl that needs a dollar...what a coincidence, you need sexual attention...and let the exchange take place. Don't listen to the chicks mate...they don't realise that female orgasms exist to encourage them to allow us to mate with them...before high power jobs and exotic sportscars ruined the situation and led to a decline of actual fulfilment...but for men it is more than a base urge for purely reproductive ends...it attaches us to a woman emotionally, stops us from going completely batshit crazy, allows us to feel the warmth and see the colour in this world, and allows our brains to stop worrying about the completely bizarre behaviour of women...if only for a short time.

All the best,

Guybrush

I was liking the first half of your post, mate. You sounded warm and pretty head-screwed-on. The rest - well, that's guy stuff, and what would I know? What worried me was the part you left out. There is a reason you must listen to the chicks, but it is not because of the silly old platitudes you might have on your mind about primitive reproductive technology. It is because the chicks are genuinely scared of misogynists. We know how deep it can run. Many of us have been damaged or traumatised by them; some are not around to tell the tale. These facts don't make all of us misandrists (if that is the right word), but our experience does teach us to recognise danger and seek to minimise it for other women.

This frame of mind is not wholesome. It can be channelled safely, and it is quite likely there would be no horrific outcome if OP did follow your cocky advice. But because there are no guarantees, and because there are known risks, it is most important to cut those risks down as far as possible while OP is learning how to emerge from his hell hole. That is why therapy is the better first step: it would allow the rehearsing of appropriate behaviours and strategies in a safe environment, where the insistent amygdala is not fully in control of proceedings. Then by all means go out and practise the new routines, all in good time.

Guybrush_Threepwood
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29 Dec 2011, 6:34 am

Quote:

I like you

HighPlateau
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29 Dec 2011, 7:03 am

Guybrush_Threepwood wrote:

I like you

Well, thank you. I think.

That sounds odd, though. Why would you? Not that I was setting out to be unpleasant at all, but I did just call you 'cocky' while contradicting your advice, which from my observation wouldn't normally elicit such a positive response. Other than that, you don't know anything about me. Or were you being ironic? If so, you should know I'm better at dishing out irony than taking it ... or even recognising it when I fall over it. Your ball. (So to speak.)

Guybrush_Threepwood
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29 Dec 2011, 7:36 am

Haha...relax...

I just like what you said, and how you said it. Sensible, honest, and to the point. Nice

I don't care what you call me or if your opinion differs from mine...unless you can offer a reason that I would somehow gain from doing so and the overall result is a positive net gain for all. I'd prefer to just appreciate your contribution to the shared experience.

KuRowbot
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29 Dec 2011, 8:34 am

DetestableInsect wrote:

I masturbate quite a lot. It used to 'take the edge off', but maybe after approximately 10,000 times it loses its effect.

I dunno, maybe after my libido dies I can be at peace with females. Then when I die I can be at peace.

I already see a therapist, but I will not start relationships. Why won't I start a relationship? Just....argh. For pretty much every reason there is.

I am aware I am not justified in resenting females. Emotions are not logical though. I just started hating females fiercely and I asked myself why.

I thought 'rejected', or otherwise sexless men might share my resentment. Some do, but it's not popular to admit it openly.

So, maybe everyone just assumed you already masturbated or it was obvious that you would try that. XP

I don't know why I'm okay with masturbating and being sexless. It has something to do with the obviousness of getting into a relationship.
I wouldn't be able to handle a relationship currently. I have too many important things to deal with.

Right now, I feel okay without having a girlfriend or ever getting married for the rest of my life. It'd be okay.
But, intuitively, I feel I might end up with someone anyways. I used to always think I wanted a woman and to get married, etc.
But, now I feel like I'd be forcing myself to be something I'm not if I dated someone, so I'm not going to try. I also feel girls may find me attractive on the surface, but once they found out how weird I am, they wouldn't like me anymore. So, basically, I don't care about that anymore. If I find a girl, it will be a fairly unusual one who doesn't care about society's expectations. (Maybe one with AS. Seems much easier to deal with. T.T)

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hyperlexian
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29 Dec 2011, 8:49 am

DetestableInsect, you skipped part of my question. what kind of therapy have you done, and are they aware of your misogyny? i'd also like to know if they are aware of your pent-up rage.

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blunnet
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29 Dec 2011, 5:01 pm

DetestableInsect wrote:

It seems people are unable to relate to these feelings, or even understand them, especially women.

Welcome to WP. An adult forum would probably have a different response, but you would have to word it carefully. Admitting misoginy isn't a good idea, heck, it wasn't a good idea to do it here.

Quote:

It's not logical nor wished for, but I guess I'll just hate females (even more so than males) indefinitely.

well, hating females more than males doesn't make much sense, hate them all equally!
Women are s**t, but so are men. Also, hating everyone and not just a subgroup or few minorities is more politically correct.

Or you can just hate or state that you hate white women (or american women), that would not make any difference in this place though.

Quote:

I am surprised no one else has replied admitting their own misogyny though, either for my reasons or others.

Admitting their own misoginy in some places isn't much a wise idea, given reactions, unless this is what you want.

Tequila
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29 Dec 2011, 5:04 pm

Indeed. If I said I didn't like Poles or Germans I would expect very negative responses, not least from Poles and Germans themselves. It's sort of a discussion that won't really go anywhere.

fraac
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29 Dec 2011, 6:19 pm

blunnet wrote:

Admitting misoginy isn't a good idea, heck, it wasn't a good idea to do it here.

I disagree. Saying any true thing is a good idea.

DetestableInsect
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29 Dec 2011, 6:25 pm

The funny thing is I censor myself every second. If even this much information is enough to provoke a reaction, my true feelings would probably get me arrested or institutionalized.

I guess everyone has to play these games. Every time we talk to someone it all becomes about walking on egg shells; we can never say what we mean. Just continual compromise in the attempt to communicate without alienating.

Well nevermind. Why bother communicating at all when people are so quick to judge what they don't even understand. Nothing was ever going to come of this that could benefit me. Just boredom driving me to make mistakes.

hyperlexian
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29 Dec 2011, 6:44 pm

it's hard to help if you won't answer questions

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Tequila
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29 Dec 2011, 8:59 pm

fraac wrote:

I disagree. Saying any true thing is a good idea.

A lot of true statements won't lead to very productive discussions though because they're so controversial.

fraac
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29 Dec 2011, 9:13 pm

This hasn't been an unproductive discussion, except that Insect seems unwilling to explore ideas.

Rodland
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30 Dec 2011, 1:05 am

Like research has confirmed, women are significantly more likely to believe in religions and pseudo science and have less knowledge about politics (all these things regardless of in which country we are). Further, among the students of philosophy there are less women.

I think my irrational misogynist feelings have been relatively easy to control so far but this rational question remains whether women are the sex which has less of those qualities (somehow related to rational thinking and intellectual interests) I do respect.

I am not referring to this particular discussion forum (where I have not been very active so far) but so often it happens that I get disappointed in the Internet because it seems to be always boys who are the most competent analytical thinkers in discussions. I am not claiming that they are (though the fact that they are more interested in philosophy would give a rational basis for this claim), but this is an impression (true or false) I have got. I often simply found myself wishing that girls were better than they seem to be to me.

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