"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

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I am not someone who can have sex without trusting someone. I guess I need more security in order to lower my inhibitions enough with another person. Haven't you ever heard of sensory issues with touch in AS. This is something I struggle with. I am afraid of it. intimicay.

I do not see how having sex with a hundred women is going to make me any different.

The fact that I have not had sex has little to no bearing on actual quality of life. My life would not get better just by having sex. That is teenage thinking. One solution that make your whole life better. Yeah if this were a world of make believe.

I should know I am me and I have more understanding of myself than most aspies do. I know exactly what my problems are and when they crop up. I learned this by practice.

The fact that you bring the words magic wand implies that there is some instant fix to the problem. Sex without love will only leave you hollow and wanting more. I have heard this from enough people I know.

Now some people can do what you are talking about and feel good about themselves. I cannot. Sorry I am not wired that way. Its true. Maybe you cannot believe this but I guarantee you that what I am saying is a reality for some people.

Well to believe in voids means you need to believe that humans have a spirit. There is no proof of this. This would be hard for many aspies to believe in because there is no evidence.

Void means emptiness. Maybe you do not have a void so you do not need to fill anything. Some people seem to have all the pieces they need to be happy. Others like me are not so lucky.

It is actually a feeling inside that seems to be there. I cannot explain it. You feel like you are missing something. A piece of the puzzle or something. I seem to be a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I am like a puzzle that is missing the last few pieces. And those pieces got lost somewhere. Who knows. They are difficult to find. Or it is like I have something to build but I am missing the instruction manual on how to build it. So it gets built on messed up.

All this may sound odd to some and even silly. It may not make sense. It is like one of those things that makes sense to me clearly. Basically if you do not have the void it you cannot know what it is.

Does an NT understand an aspie or can a non-alcoholic understand what it is like to be an alcoholic. no they cannot unless they got it they cannot comprehend it. It boggles normal peoples minds just like normal makes little sense to me. It is like I am from another country and have had difficulty learning the customs of another country.

It is what makes humans so unique and special. We are all different. One aspie is always different than another because you have to consider that we all have our own personality. We cannot be all the same. Every NT is unique in their own way as well. Aspies and NTs are both human beings just with differences in thinking.

Look. I don't know what your life is, your experiences - and they are none of my business. None. And I don't discredit any of them - what right would I have to. And I'm certainly not saying that you haven't felt pain, isolation...all of those things.

But these 'pieces' you talk about - do you mean inside yourself or outside? Are you saying parts of your brain are missing, parts of your body are missing - what?

It's folly. It has to be folly, when you think about it. Our minds are so powerful, we create a wide spread of things. Forget about the sex and relationships and all that.

Perhaps you have a perception of a void, because it's suiting you to do so.

Right. It's a feeling.

Give yourself the feeling of being complete...guess what happens.

Easy as that.

Oh, and who said that all feelings are true, anyway.

I wish it was that easy. It just isn't so for me. And it sucks but life goes on.

I have had a hard 33 years that is definitely for sure with lots of pain, happiness, despair, rage, sadness, isolation and anything else you could have. I have been down and I have been out, nowhere to go, somewhere to go, almost became homeless, burned bridges, built bridges. It makes my head spin.

Anyways, the "pieces" are not physical. It has to do with something missing in your life. It could be experiences. I guess not doing the things that you need in youe life to make you happy. Everyone is made up of different needs, beliefs, and wants. Sometimes your mind wants things you do not really want. And you are not measuring up to what you are supposed to be.

Say you work at a job that does nothing for you and you hate it. You probably are not happy because of it. If you find a job that satisfies you and allows you to follow a passion you would be much happier. The void is created by the job you want out of or whatever.

Basically it is about finding out who you are, being true to yourself and having integrity. Without this you may feel empty or what some refer to as a "void" in your life. Something you are not doing that needs to be done in order to find happiness. No one knows what this is except for the person that needs to find it. Life is a journey to find peace, happiness, and self-worth.

I hope this makes more sense.

^^Sorry to hear about your sadness .

I suppose I am fortunate in a sense that I've always been quite content.

I don't really need anyone else to make me feel good about myself. Although, I do like to have a partner in crime.

*breathes deeply*

I'm going to try. And not because I'm trying to convince you of anything - I'm trying because even if I write something which may cause you to alleviate 0.0001% of your pain, then it's worth it, and you can hate me forever and a day, but that's cool.

I've seen life from your angle (not your experiences) - I don't do that now.

What I say above - it IS that easy. Honestly.

Like many people reading this, I haven't exactly always had a barrel of laughs. My brother has had it ten times worse - by rights, he should be going round, always talking about voids and holes. He doesn't because he doesn't want to focus on that - magically, the holes disappear. He's just glad to be breathing and to have the freedom to think what he wants to think. He's sick and tired of pain. Aren't you?

What happens outside of yourself has NOTHING to do with the inside. You make that connection - the extrinsic to the intrinsic. Culture and society reinforce it. The job, the relationship...whatever, it's nothing to do with it. Really. It's the attitude. It's the feeling inside. The job that satisfies you - that's a feeling, not a reality.

That's why some people can have everything, and it 'feels' like they've nothing. They just don't have the feelings. And vice versa. If you've travelled various parts of the world, and spoken to locals - how come they (generally) seem more happy and content with less material things than Western countries, where the suicide rate is much higher?

If you had everything you thought you wanted in the outside world, right now - two weeks later you'd be just as unhappy.

Life would be a journey if you didn't have everything you needed, inside, right now. You do - you have to.

The journey - and the pain - is ultimately your choice. Both come down to feelings. I mean you full respect with this.

I understand the void. @octobertiger you may not but that's okay. Yes it is a feeling and not a literal "piece" that is missing. Feelings can be true and real to the person feeling them. So be it. I feel that I need a loving relationship in order for sex to be fulfilling. Without it, there is a void. I feel this way, and so do others. It is what it is. That's what I need and that's what I want. It is possible and I will find it. I have had a fwb relationship and I hated it. I will never do it again. I knew I wasn't that type but I tried it anyway. Sure enough, I'm not that type. Some people are. @octobertiger you keep saying each to his own but then it seems like you are trying to talk people into considering a fwb situation as an option. Or that the void that is felt is perceived. If I say there's a void in my life, there is a void. End of story!
If you are longing for a mate...there is a void. It's not that easy to wake up and say you'll be complete without one. Some people are complete by themselves. I'm not one of them. But I'm not worried. I will find someone to fill that void.

Last edited by IlovemyAspie on 26 Oct 2013, 11:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Gawd help us all if that day should happen...

This is when I say - how come? How come you can see your life in this way? I mean, I'm sure you've had your fair share of strife. So, how can one person feel so much more content than someone else? Please don't tell me it comes down to 'voids' that you are born with - I've never seen any nursery children with voids.

I still think it comes down to what you look at, and one's attitude.

I have nothing, but I really do feel like the most wealthiest person in the world sometimes.

I've never won a competition but I always feel lucky.

I never had parents but I always felt guided.

And I have been homeless for a lot of my life (childhood and adulthood), but there's always somewhere to get a meal, a shower and a bit of a rest every now and then.

Sometimes in life you have to look at what you do have and not at what you don't have.

To quote an ex WP member 'Turn that frown upside down' (OSB)

I've seen new borns with voids.

If you break your leg and your brother breaks a leg - do you have exactly the same experience of the pain?

If you say there is a void in your life, or a three-headed red duck in your life (equally as valid if one feels it, according to what you are saying), then that is your truth. And it's none of my business. And what I think is irrelevent. You choose your 'voids', you choose your feelings and you choose your journey.

The 'void' that is felt is perceived. It has to be - what else could it be? It's as real or as false as the person makes it. If perceptions change, the feelings you talk about disappear. If someone thinks they've won the lottery, they can feel elated - this is because it's a reality? No, it's a perception.

I cannot believe that people cannot do anything about their feelings without having their life just so. That's 'victim of circumstance' talk!

Have fwb, don't have fwb. It's all an internal, anyway.

I'm off to deal with my three-headed red duck. It feels so real

I've never seen a new born who's wanted to meet their ideal partner, or have a med cruise, or have a sexual relationship, or else they'll never be happy.

Your pain thing - well, probably not if one is talking about a typical brother. But we all have the same ability to reinterpret 'pain'. Otherwise, how could people do amazing things, like run marathons? Or even give birth? (especially before gas, lol)

Even physical pain, as opposed to emotional pain, involves perception. I think people have a right to choose, as long as they are aware that there is a choice of how they feel, and it's not down to 'luck' or 'genetics' or how crappy their external life is. Do I have a right to say how they should feel? No, of course not. Do I have a right to suggest an alternative? Yes, and I'd hope someone would do the same for me.

You aren't born with voids they develop. It's a need for something that is missing. Not everyone feels their life is missing something.

How? Me and my three headed red duck want to know. - close enough.

Well if I can't find one on Google images, then they surely mustn't exist.