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Appearance and Fashion Tips for Asperger's Men

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GiantHockeyFan
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17 Aug 2012, 2:24 pm

1000Knives wrote:
Even a counselor in the mental health group I go to was like "You have fantastic social skills, it's these other kids with abysmal social skills." But, that doesn't particularly help me.


That explains a lot to me! I had a co-worker who has experience in mental health tell me I'm in no way lacking social skills or am socially awkward. I told her she obviously doesn't know me but this is a great explanation. This also explains why most people I get along with have ALWAYS been significantly older. In fact, joining a summer sports league two years ago was the first time in my life I've been with a large group and I was one not of the youngest if not the youngest by a wide margin. Go figure that I get along great with a few in the late teens/early 20s crowd but that might be they are having the exact same problems I was having and can relate to them so well.

On this note, I was at a Mcdonalds recently and there was a large group of tweens and every single one of them had a Smartphone and was on facebook. Not one ever said a word to the other. Soon, Aspies like me will be seen as being too sociable if this trend keeps up!



RICKY5
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17 Aug 2012, 11:27 pm

Big_cheese wrote:
Better than all this advice? Develop your personality. And i can see the op will make assumptions, just don't bother, I have no problem attracting girls...

Tbh, this advice is advice on how to look like you came off a conveyor belt... Which is fine if you have no imagination, just all that look is good for is attracting equally vacant girls. No thanks.

If i was a girl i'd go for the asian guy in the casual clothes over the guys trying too hard easy.... Trying too hard is a big turn off...


It is about putting status indicators on yourself so that a girl will talk to you longer than she would. Women are hypergamous and status-seeking exploit it.

You dress like s**t then you will just look like a typical unkempt sperg off the conveyor belt that a girl wouldn't want to talk to for a minute let alone spread her legs for.

"Uniqueness" for its own sake is not that useful when it comes to getting laid. All that matters is what gets results.



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17 Aug 2012, 11:32 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Not exactly because at the end of the day, the attention and amount of dates I get from women is higher since I have made a concious effort to change my appearance, style and outlook.

it's true that you've had a lot of women fall for you, so it works for you in the initial stages. but GreenShadow has had a long-term relationship (which you haven't experienced yet) while dressing more casually. so the clothing may work for gaining something short-term, but perhaps what works best for LTRs is being one's self instead of putting on clothing that goes far outside of one's own comfort zone.

monkeykoder wrote:
California tends to have its own rather casual style even in the business world the only people that do the whole dress to impress thing are salespeople of some sort.

my city is extremely casual because it is a blue collar region. most people who work in finance will still wear "business casual" or the bare minimum business garments, and a full suit is very rare. yesterday, i was downtown in the financial district and i saw a man wearing a shirt, tie, and matching trousers & waistcoat/vest and i was shocked by the formal attire. some salespeople or business people have to wear a tie, but most don't.

so if a man is wearing business casual clothing to go to the bar or club, he will get laughed at.


Being yourself doesn't work unless it is a good self.



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18 Aug 2012, 12:30 am

RICKY5 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Not exactly because at the end of the day, the attention and amount of dates I get from women is higher since I have made a concious effort to change my appearance, style and outlook.

it's true that you've had a lot of women fall for you, so it works for you in the initial stages. but GreenShadow has had a long-term relationship (which you haven't experienced yet) while dressing more casually. so the clothing may work for gaining something short-term, but perhaps what works best for LTRs is being one's self instead of putting on clothing that goes far outside of one's own comfort zone.

monkeykoder wrote:
California tends to have its own rather casual style even in the business world the only people that do the whole dress to impress thing are salespeople of some sort.

my city is extremely casual because it is a blue collar region. most people who work in finance will still wear "business casual" or the bare minimum business garments, and a full suit is very rare. yesterday, i was downtown in the financial district and i saw a man wearing a shirt, tie, and matching trousers & waistcoat/vest and i was shocked by the formal attire. some salespeople or business people have to wear a tie, but most don't.

so if a man is wearing business casual clothing to go to the bar or club, he will get laughed at.


Being yourself doesn't work unless it is a good self.


This is a good point and a point that I have been trying to highlight. Some guys delude themselves by saying that some day a girl that is going to accept them will come along, a girl they can play video games with or talk about quantum mechanics for hours but it doesn't work like that. People judge people and that's the way the world works, people judge people based on status, looks, money social standing, body language and behaviour. Even knowing how to respond to the correct social situation in the correct way is important when it comes to interacting.

People always say be yourself or just be yourself when it comes to relationship advice but what if that doesn't work? and also you aren't not being yourself by wearing different clothing unless you let the clothing define your inner character or beliefs.



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18 Aug 2012, 1:09 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Not exactly because at the end of the day, the attention and amount of dates I get from women is higher since I have made a concious effort to change my appearance, style and outlook.

it's true that you've had a lot of women fall for you, so it works for you in the initial stages. but GreenShadow has had a long-term relationship (which you haven't experienced yet) while dressing more casually. so the clothing may work for gaining something short-term, but perhaps what works best for LTRs is being one's self instead of putting on clothing that goes far outside of one's own comfort zone.


If you let your clothes define you and push you out of your comfort zone, you are clearly taking fashion too far, fashion is something seen as a status indicator by many people, I have even noticed that salesmen can even get different responses depending on how shiny their shoes are.

What about men on the spectrum who aren't good at maintaining a relationship? Why is a long term relationship seen as more successful as something short term? If you are able to get something with short term, it is better than long term if long term isn't what you really want.



Wolfheart
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18 Aug 2012, 1:12 am

Hyperlexian, don't try to deny that people are driven by visual presentation when it comes to first impressions. Even on this forum where so many people claim to be deep, threads that are based on appearance or body language, they receive a good number of responses so it goes to show that people are visual and do judge by first impressions to form their initial attraction.



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18 Aug 2012, 6:56 am

Quote:
Why is a long term relationship seen as more successful as something short term? If you are able to get something with short term, it is better than long term if long term isn't what you really want.


Dude, so be honest: write clearly that your "style advice" are for people looking for one-night relationship, no one more


By the way, I just understand why my ex-girlfriend was so crazy about me.
She told me many times that she loves my laid-back, untidy, lazy style and attitude, cause she's sick'n'tierd on "metrosexual, girl-chasing dashers" - but I just have not seen the scale of problem


So, dudes, if you are interested in one-night stupid bimbos, pretend that you are Prince Screwhimhard, senior-ultra-hyper-corporate-manager of odd things or even prime-minister from The Ministry of Silly Walks. It will work, I'm sure.


but if you (same as me) are after long-term relationship only - 1st: try not to scare girls away at the begging, 2nd: try to meet some people interested in something similar to your own interests (I know quite a lot couples who meet in comic/RPG/gamers/photographers/eco-activists meetings), 3rd never-never-never even think to fake


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18 Aug 2012, 7:46 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Hyperlexian, don't try to deny that people are driven by visual presentation when it comes to first impressions. Even on this forum where so many people claim to be deep, threads that are based on appearance or body language, they receive a good number of responses so it goes to show that people are visual and do judge by first impressions to form their initial attraction.


hyperlexian tried to say, in a nice way, that if you didn't base so many of your relationships on that "first impression", you might actually get somewhere. Meaning, that first impression aint always so reliable in a world where people lie.

Cloths are a lie wolfheart. They reshape the body into this years current don't they? This years fashion. That's what a clothes cut is right? And the reason someone in clothes that are out of fashion looks unattractive? Can't you see where that's failing? How much of a lie that is? You have to look deeper than that " first impression" and that's a fact.

I honestly honestly see straight through clothes. You could be wearing whatever the crap you wear and standing next to someone in a bag, i would notice the difference but i just wouldn't.

Aye, people do jump on threads like this, but is it to agree with them or rip them to shreds?



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18 Aug 2012, 7:50 am

Big_cheese wrote:
I honestly honestly see straight through clothes. You could be wearing whatever the crap you wear and standing next to someone in a bag, i would notice the difference but i just wouldn't.

Aye, people do jump on threads like this, but is it to agree with them or rip them to shreds?


Unfortunately, lots of NTs put a crapton of importance on things such as what brand of clothes you wear, and these funny "first impressions". Learning how to get good at both will make life in an NT-dominated world easier for you.



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18 Aug 2012, 7:52 am

Shau wrote:
Big_cheese wrote:
I honestly honestly see straight through clothes. You could be wearing whatever the crap you wear and standing next to someone in a bag, i would notice the difference but i just wouldn't.

Aye, people do jump on threads like this, but is it to agree with them or rip them to shreds?


Unfortunately, lots of NTs put a crapton of importance on things such as what brand of clothes you wear, and these funny "first impressions". Learning how to get good at both will make life in an NT-dominated world easier for you.



Aye, but f**k it right?



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18 Aug 2012, 7:53 am

Big_cheese wrote:
I honestly honestly see straight through clothes.


Image?


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Shau
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18 Aug 2012, 7:54 am

Big_cheese wrote:
Aye, but f**k it right?


I've got some pretty big goals in this life. I want to be a distinguished writer and scientist.

That means having to deal with the perilous world of other people. This entails having to get good at all the tools of the trade for said dealings. Even if you don't plan on picking up a bunch of chicks, knowing how to play the game right will help even for one's career, usually.



monkeykoder
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18 Aug 2012, 9:07 am

Shau wrote:
Big_cheese wrote:
Aye, but f**k it right?


I've got some pretty big goals in this life. I want to be a distinguished writer and scientist.

That means having to deal with the perilous world of other people. This entails having to get good at all the tools of the trade for said dealings. Even if you don't plan on picking up a bunch of chicks, knowing how to play the game right will help even for one's career, usually.


I've never met a distinguished scientist that willingly dressed like that Big Bang Theory is pretty spot on in the clothing department for scientists same holds for most of the high intellectual crowd.



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18 Aug 2012, 4:18 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
Hyperlexian, don't try to deny that people are driven by visual presentation when it comes to first impressions. Even on this forum where so many people claim to be deep, threads that are based on appearance or body language, they receive a good number of responses so it goes to show that people are visual and do judge by first impressions to form their initial attraction.

After having talked with hyperlexian for a long while I can assure you that she is well aware of the power of first impressions.

However she also thinks that you may need to do a lot of effort to keep up with that first impression if you are trying to convey something you are not, which is something most people agree on, and it can backfire when it comes to long term relationships.



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18 Aug 2012, 6:23 pm

Shau wrote:
Big_cheese wrote:
I honestly honestly see straight through clothes. You could be wearing whatever the crap you wear and standing next to someone in a bag, i would notice the difference but i just wouldn't.

Aye, people do jump on threads like this, but is it to agree with them or rip them to shreds?


Unfortunately, lots of NTs put a crapton of importance on things such as what brand of clothes you wear, and these funny "first impressions". Learning how to get good at both will make life in an NT-dominated world easier for you.


That is exactly it!



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18 Aug 2012, 6:34 pm

Big_cheese wrote:
Shau wrote:
Big_cheese wrote:
I honestly honestly see straight through clothes. You could be wearing whatever the crap you wear and standing next to someone in a bag, i would notice the difference but i just wouldn't.

Aye, people do jump on threads like this, but is it to agree with them or rip them to shreds?


Unfortunately, lots of NTs put a crapton of importance on things such as what brand of clothes you wear, and these funny "first impressions". Learning how to get good at both will make life in an NT-dominated world easier for you.



Aye, but f**k it right?


What does saying "f**k it" to doing what is necessary to improve your lot in life accomplish?