I've always been shy, anxious and social situations have never been my strong point. However, when I was young (pre-teen years) I was more bubbly, laughed more and just happier in general. The reasons for this was that besides being a typical care-free child, I had a life in that I had some friends and always had a best friend.
Unfortunately things started going pear shaped from high school. It's hard to put a finger on any one factor but there are several that I've identified. For one, most of my friends went to a different high school and so suddenly I found myself in a new group with only a couple of friends from my old school. At first things went ok but I never really felt like I fitted in.
The other thing being I hit puberty early so I became quite self-conscious and other boys, including so called friends, began picking on me due to this and also due to being an easy target in that I couldn't stand up for myself.
From middle high school this got worse in that my 'friends' began to pick on me pretty much on a daily basis. It was never physical but silly mind game type bullying such as giving me the silent treatment and throwing my stuff around. As a result of this I became increasingly withdrawn from society and became quite an anxious/tense person. I was so ashamed, that I didn't tell any of my teachers or parents that this was happening, I guess that like most bullying victims I somehow believed it was my fault. I considered leaving this group or even joining another school but I didn't as I was afraid that I'd be stuck on my own as I didn't believe I could make friends and didn't trust people much either.
In my early twenties I was working fulltime, I didn't go to uni or Tafe as I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I spent the majority of my spare time staying at home with my family - my parents and my siblings, playing video games, watching tv or reading. Sometimes I'd go out but this was pretty much limited to only going to the shops with my family.
By my late twenties, I realised this approach wasn't what I wanted out of life so I decided to try some new things. I've tried going to the gym, with my main goals being to make friends, get fit and hopefully meet a nice girl. While I managed to improve my fitness, unfortunately I failed to achieve my other goals. Perhaps it's been so long since I've had any friends that I've forgotten how to interact with people around my age, I don't know, but somehow I just can't seem to make any friends. In my situation, my opportunities to meet girls have been quite limited and since I'm the kind of guy that you'd need to know for a while to truly appreciate my qualities, as I'm not great at first impressions, you can see why I've never had a gf, but I haven't even been on a date! I've tried internet dating but was so overwhelmed by the (lack of) responses that I've decided I'll have to stick to meeting someone in person, but I don't know how this is going to happen...
It's hard feeling lonely, especially feeling like you're the only guy who can't find a girl when it seems like everyone you know is already involved with someone and especially painful for me if I see a couple around my age being intimate in public, as I want more than anything else in this world to have someone to love. I'd like to play some tennis socially or even something like volleyball or touch footy, anything really that's a mixed gender fun group activity but can't seem to find anything around my area. I know that if I can find a group hobby I'd enjoy, my self esteem/confidence would improve as not having any friends has geared my interests towards solo based activities. Once I can achieve this along with a social life I'm sure this will open up some romantic opportunities also, but it's so frustrating not being able to find something to do that I'd enjoy!