The 'Hookup Culture' of my generation...

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These details change the situation. Jealousy and telling you what to do = a clear breach of the rules/definitely crossing the line - and not just in terms of the FWB. Him demanding exclusivity and receiving money from you = bloody outrageous!

As others have said, you need to drop this guy like a hot coal. I have been in your situation with a previous "boyfriend" (technically we were supposed to be dating, but I use the term loosely due to the nature of our relationship), where he was manipulative, never returned money I gave him, and used me for sexual gratification while completely disregarding my own feelings. At one point I was trying to break it off with him about once a week, but every time (in the same way you describe) I'd keep coming back. This guy definitely had a personality disorder but he was a masterful manipulator.

In the end the only thing that finally broke me free of him was getting angry - not superficially angry, but deeply and truly angry with the kind of anger that doesn't fade overnight. Partially severing ties or expecting him to respect my decision to end things and keep his distance never worked, so the only thing that finally did work was severing ties completely in an extreme fashion - deleting him and blocking him on facebook, telling him I never wanted to hear from him again, deleting him off my phone and ignoring all incoming calls/emails from him. It was extremely tough but it worked eventually.


Also, please don't feel like most people with ASD have/are able to have a long string of FWBs and that sort of thing, or feel out of place among other Aspies due to anything I've said. Which I have a childhood Asperger's diagnosis I also have a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder 1 ultra rapid cycling which has an equal if not greater influence (as even at the time of my diagnosis with AS at age 12 I was considered high functioning for a person with AS) on my personality and lifestyle. Basically, my adult experience (after bipolar onset) is not really the norm for an ASD person.

Ok I did not read through 7 pgs of this thread. I just had an immediate response from the OPs post. Yeah I do agree about the hookup culture and this wishy washy status dating stuff. Its hell as confusing at times. Ok, so I am not as fond of the freely hooking up aspect but I think I perfer the casual hanging out with people better then formal dating. For a person who gets along with the opposite sex better, if provides me with more venues to hangout with guys. But then again, I can't say cause I never grew up in a culture of formal dating (eg my parents gen). Its weird, I have to explain the way dating is now to my mom and she doesn't get it. I was very confused about what I was doing for the 3 yrs of hanging around guys cause of none of formality. It took me a very long time to figure out dating and blurry lines between hanging out and friendship. I do have to say, it has educated me about the opposite sex waaay better then formal dating ever could have.

Yeah, this is more what I meant. Growing up around my brother and all his friends, it seems none of them ever did any kind of formal dating, so maybe that''s part of why I don't like the idea of it so much myself.

This is how relations between the sexes used to be in medieval times before the church got involved apparently - very casual.
Then the church came along and started making everyone feel guilty for having easy relations and made them have to get married
before sex.

So it's like people are going back to pre-church times.

What specifically gave you the impression that this person had a personality disorder?

I think there is a lot of common ground between people with AS and those with Bipolar.

Well this probably going to continue forever as we are now back talking again

I suspect he'll have to end it as I evidently don't have the willpower

I literally just spent ages writing a detailed response and the page refreshed on me . Suffice to say, they are different. I spoke of becoming 'super social' when up - attracting many new friends and love interests in a very short space of time, socializing nearly every day and attending many parties I have been invited to (sometimes several in one night) and loving it, making out with guys, etc. When manic, bipolar people become 'the life of the party', promiscuous, etc, and tend to become very alluring to other people due to the energy and intensity they give off. Basically it's like instant popularity, which is nothing like AS at all.

However, the symptoms reverse when they swing in the other direction, which is a lot more like AS I guess. I believe though due to my AS my reverse symptoms are much more extreme, because I'm drawing on mental energy and reserves that I don't have to maintain that extreme level of sociality, so when I come crashing down in the other direction the depressive symptoms are much more extreme than for your general bipolar person. Basically, I become completely clinically detached, want all other people to stay the hell away from me, have no interest in friendships/guys/relationships/anything whatsoever (even to the point of disliking/hating people).


In terms of the ex, he was obsessed with becoming a famous actor, believed himself to be a prodigy (had delusions of grandeur) and sometimes I believe actually experienced delusions that he was communicating with famous people or had been cast in big series (either that or was a pathological liar), was extremely emotionally manipulative to the point of being a borderline sociopath. Yeah, pretty sure he had some sort of personality disorder.


Regarding your guy, I am going to lay it out straight to you as I have been in the same situation (technically we called it a relationship but the power dynamic was no different).

From what I have read, he will never end it, as he is getting exactly what he wants from you and obviously doesn't give a s**t about your feelings. This is not a mutual FWB or mutual relationship of any kind, this is an emotionally abusive relationship.

You have got to find the willpower from somewhere and end this yourself.

Here is what to do.

Firstly, send him an email telling him that for your own health you are ending the friendship for good and do not want to see him again. Ask him to respect your decision by not contacting you or trying to get back in touch in any other way. Tell him this is the last message you will send to him.

Delete and block him from your facebook (if you use facebook). Delete and block him from your email. Regarding the phone, better at least for the first six months to leave his name on there so if/when (and he probably will try to contact you again as he does not respect you as a person or care about your well-being) he tries to contact you you will know it is him and will know not to pick up.

Ignore all phone calls, messages, emails, etc from him. Whatever you do, do not resume contact in any way. If he does send you anything after that, delete it straight away and don't read what he has said. If you do read anything he sends you, no matter what he says DO NOT RESPOND. Don't even respond to vent your anger at him, don't respond if he begs for a second chance or says he has changed, don't even respond if he says he just wants to be your friend and make up for stuff or do the right thing by you. If he is the type I think he is, he will try to manipulate you into resuming contact with him.

No matter what he says, ignore him and delete. It may be a year or longer before you hear the last of him. You have to remain strong. Remind yourself that he has emotionally manipulated and abused you. Stay angry, and stay cold. If he tries to get a response out of you by riling you up (which clearly has worked this last time), resist the temptation and DO NOT respond.


This is what you have to do, and this is the only way you will be able to break free of this toxic relationship. Your life is short and it is not worth letting someone else come in and leech away your happiness. You have to fight for yourself.

Sunshower is right.

It's the only way to get out of it -- sometimes we get "addicted" to people. We have to quit them as though they were a toxic substance. Because in a very real emotional sense, they are.

The decision has to be for your own sake, it has to come from you.
Not because other people tell you it's what's best. The decision is impelled, not compelled.
You have to see the reality of the relationship and recognize that you, as a person, are worth something far more.
Everybody's feelings are legitimate. Everybody has a life to live, happiness to have on their own terms. Don't give yourself away to people who don't see you as a full, living human being.

(In my experience, the longer you are around such people, the more you may think of yourself as worthless, weak, dependent.)

You are worth it. These people who use you, they are not worth your time, nor energy.

It's OK. There's a whole community of people here.
Hang out with other in-the-flesh friends during this time, it will help.

We have made up now and I feel good about it

I think he's making more effort - he came to see me today on his bike in the snow
and told me he likes me better without my make up on

I felt happy today and not used

It's more complicated than it seems

When things are good between us they're very good and we both
love each other

We basically take comfort from the world in each other

If I wasn't seeing him I just wouldn't bother to even seek anyone else as I know he's the best
match for me, despite how he sounds

The reason I couldn't cut off from him is because I don't want to - as you say I have to be the one making the
decision and I never feel I want things to end permanently - he's too important to me

The good stuff balances out the bad in other words