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Tequila
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19 Jan 2013, 7:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, you are; you are getting that "need" for having a stable relationship and ......popping babies awwww - baby yellowtamarins :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino:


Some women never feel like that. Which is alright.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jan 2013, 7:51 pm

Tequila wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, you are; you are getting that "need" for having a stable relationship and ......popping babies awwww - baby yellowtamarins :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino:


Some women never feel like that. Which is alright.


why ruining my trolling? =(



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 8:10 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tequila wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, you are; you are getting that "need" for having a stable relationship and ......popping babies awwww - baby yellowtamarins :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino:


Some women never feel like that. Which is alright.


why ruining my trolling? =(

Yo trolly troll-face, I don't want to pop out any babies and I've always wanted a stable relationship, so nyerr... :king: :queen:



civrev
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19 Jan 2013, 8:14 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
civrev wrote:
One thing I have noticed on women's profiles are suggestions for activities such as tennis, mini-golf, and bowling. To me those activities seem like good ideas because they're focused on having fun, and for me personally it'll probably help to loosen tension and nervousness doing a physical activity. Coffee and conversation is fine and everything, it just seems like there's some pitfalls to that, and us aspies often aren't fans of idle chit-chat anyways(and deep conversation is probably best reserved for future dates). I envision the "spark" you speak of happening in the more active activities than in the coffee and conversation type of date.

So those are my considerations once I do start actively dating. I would say try different dating ideas, chemistry might change just based on that. Conversation can always be had afterwards or on a second date if it goes well.

Those things you mention (tennis, mini-gold, bowling) I tend to reserve for second or third dates. Somewhat recently I went to lunch with someone for a first date, then tennis for a second date, and I didn't go back for a third. And I went to a pub for drink for a first, then mini-golf for a second, and didn't go back for a third.

I'll try reversing the order if I get a chance and let you know how it goes!

As for idle chit-chat being an issue on a first date, I actually like to get into deeper conversations asap. I don't see the point of chit-chatting even at the cafe for the first date, partly because we've probably already done that a bit online first. I always try to talk about more interesting things, and if they aren't willing to do that then the date is going to be a bit boring and awkward so I guess a spark is unlikely.

So I'm trying to recall the dates I really liked and what was different about them - I do think that they were with people who were as interested as me in talking about deeper topics (not necessarily personal topics, but things other than movies and sports). Perhaps I should keep in mind that a lot of people feel it is wrong to get into deep topics early on, and see what they have to say on the next date. Not sure this resolves the issue of how to "feel excited" about seeing them again...but it's a start.


Do you just not know what gets you excited about someone? That would be something to find out I think. I know it's probably a feeling you get where you may not be sure why, but I'd imagine there might be an actual reason behind it.



nessa238
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19 Jan 2013, 8:15 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tequila wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yes, you are; you are getting that "need" for having a stable relationship and ......popping babies awwww - baby yellowtamarins :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino: :albino:


Some women never feel like that. Which is alright.


why ruining my trolling? =(

Yo trolly troll-face, I don't want to pop out any babies and I've always wanted a stable relationship, so nyerr... :king: :queen:


Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 8:20 pm

civrev wrote:
Do you just not know what gets you excited about someone? That would be something to find out I think. I know it's probably a feeling you get where you may not be sure why, but I'd imagine there might be an actual reason behind it.

Usually a feeling of like-mindedness plus physical attraction does the trick. That's about all I can think of. If I do figure it out though, what do I do about that? Try to be lenient about some of the qualities, because they might get better over time?



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 8:23 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.



nessa238
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19 Jan 2013, 8:29 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.


I was trying to work out if you have a good idea about what you are physically attracted to in a man

I don't know what you mean about sub-thread; I just posted under the last post and happened to quote it by accident - there was no meaning

I got the impression you weren't that good at the very act of 'being attracted' to a person hence if you think of someone in the media who you fancy you could look for someone who looked like them, as a way of working out what physical type of person you are attracted to

I think you are either very, very picky and looking for some kind of perfection or perhaps your attraction response is subdued in some way or faulty?



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 8:33 pm

nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.


I was trying to work out if you have a good idea about what you are physically attracted to in a man

I don't know what you mean about sub-thread; I just posted under the last post and happened to quote it by accident - there was no meaning

I got the impression you weren't that good the very act of 'being attracted' to a person hence if you think of someone in the media who you fancy you could look for someone who looked like them, as a way of working out what physical type of person you are attracted to

Ah okay, it just looked odd attached to Boo's comments about babies and such :D

Physical attraction then, I could list a few more. But see, when I go on a date with someone that means (from their picture at least if I haven't met them in person yet) that I am already physically attracted to them, or I see the potential. Plenty of dates have been quite physically attractive to me, and yet I still don't feel the desire to see them again, so there's something else missing.



nessa238
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19 Jan 2013, 8:39 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.


I was trying to work out if you have a good idea about what you are physically attracted to in a man

I don't know what you mean about sub-thread; I just posted under the last post and happened to quote it by accident - there was no meaning

I got the impression you weren't that good the very act of 'being attracted' to a person hence if you think of someone in the media who you fancy you could look for someone who looked like them, as a way of working out what physical type of person you are attracted to

Ah okay, it just looked odd attached to Boo's comments about babies and such :D

Physical attraction then, I could list a few more. But see, when I go on a date with someone that means (from their picture at least if I haven't met them in person yet) that I am already physically attracted to them, or I see the potential. Plenty of dates have been quite physically attractive to me, and yet I still don't feel the desire to see them again, so there's something else missing.


Perhaps it's because you are attractive and hence able to attract other attractive people and these people haven't had to work so hard on their personalities so they are nice to look at but fail on the personality side?



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 8:44 pm

nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.


I was trying to work out if you have a good idea about what you are physically attracted to in a man

I don't know what you mean about sub-thread; I just posted under the last post and happened to quote it by accident - there was no meaning

I got the impression you weren't that good the very act of 'being attracted' to a person hence if you think of someone in the media who you fancy you could look for someone who looked like them, as a way of working out what physical type of person you are attracted to

Ah okay, it just looked odd attached to Boo's comments about babies and such :D

Physical attraction then, I could list a few more. But see, when I go on a date with someone that means (from their picture at least if I haven't met them in person yet) that I am already physically attracted to them, or I see the potential. Plenty of dates have been quite physically attractive to me, and yet I still don't feel the desire to see them again, so there's something else missing.


Perhaps it's because you are attractive and hence able to attract other attractive people and these people haven't had to work so hard on their personalities so they are nice to look at but fail on the personality side?

I don't attract stereotypically attractive people, as in, I don't date "hotties". I don't find them attractive, anyway. So most of my dates have a fair bit of substance to them.

I know it sounds like I'm being argumentative/difficult, but really there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the people I date other than the fact that I can't be bothered seeing them more than once or twice. :(



nessa238
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19 Jan 2013, 8:51 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Can you name a film star/celebrity who you really fancy?

I have no idea why you attached that question to that particular sub-thread! I don't fancy celebs because I don't know them, but from the image they portray, I adore Derren Brown on many levels. There isn't really anyone else famous I have any sort of attraction towards besides purely physical. Well there's one but she's Aussie so you might not know her.


I was trying to work out if you have a good idea about what you are physically attracted to in a man

I don't know what you mean about sub-thread; I just posted under the last post and happened to quote it by accident - there was no meaning

I got the impression you weren't that good the very act of 'being attracted' to a person hence if you think of someone in the media who you fancy you could look for someone who looked like them, as a way of working out what physical type of person you are attracted to

Ah okay, it just looked odd attached to Boo's comments about babies and such :D

Physical attraction then, I could list a few more. But see, when I go on a date with someone that means (from their picture at least if I haven't met them in person yet) that I am already physically attracted to them, or I see the potential. Plenty of dates have been quite physically attractive to me, and yet I still don't feel the desire to see them again, so there's something else missing.


Perhaps it's because you are attractive and hence able to attract other attractive people and these people haven't had to work so hard on their personalities so they are nice to look at but fail on the personality side?

I don't attract stereotypically attractive people, as in, I don't date "hotties". I don't find them attractive, anyway. So most of my dates have a fair bit of substance to them.

I know it sounds like I'm being argumentative/difficult, but really there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the people I date other than the fact that I can't be bothered seeing them more than once or twice. :(


If I gel with a person it happens immediately ie I know from first meeting whether we are suited. I've never had to meet a person twice to work out if I like them enough. The way it's usually gone is they come to my house or occasionally I meet them somewhere outside the house, then sex swiftly follows if we like each other enough either same day of meeting or not long after.

I usually have had a chance to work out that I like them enough from talking online beforehand. There's usually something I fancy about a person I get on well with - I've been lucky that way.

Perhaps I am able to tune in to the fanciability factor in a person's character? ie I'm looking initially for an interesting personality and then I focus on looks secondary to that. I've noticed that people with fanciable personalities are usually fanciable to me in person too ie their looks are having an impact on how their personalities have developed. I think this occurs in mid-range looks though, not very good looks - in this instance the looks can often outbalance the personality.



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 9:01 pm

So I've built up a list of advice and things to try, from all your wonderful contributions. Perhaps they will be useful to others in the same boat:

1. Don't rely on first date chemistry. If nothing went wrong (even if there was no "spark"), push yourself to see them at least once more, if not twice.
2. Don't trust "spark" as a strong indicator of a good match - it might just be their charisma which is not enough to go on.
3. Don't propose to Boo until he can at least spell your name correctly.
4. Try to focus more on avenues other than online dating.
5. Swap the "standard" and "fun" dates around. Go on a fun date first.
6. Be okay with limiting the first date to mostly small-talk - some people prefer to leave the deep conversations until later.
7. [Can someone fill this one in with how to become more excited about a follow-up date, thanks. This is the key ingredient I need!]



nessa238
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19 Jan 2013, 9:06 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
So I've built up a list of advice and things to try, from all your wonderful contributions. Perhaps they will be useful to others in the same boat:

1. Don't rely on first date chemistry. If nothing went wrong (even if there was no "spark"), push yourself to see them at least once more, if not twice.
2. Don't trust "spark" as a strong indicator of a good match - it might just be their charisma which is not enough to go on.
3. Don't propose to Boo until he can at least spell your name correctly.
4. Try to focus more on avenues other than online dating.
5. Swap the "standard" and "fun" dates around. Go on a fun date first.
6. Be okay with limiting the first date to mostly small-talk - some people prefer to leave the deep conversations until later.
7. [Can someone fill this one in with how to become more excited about a follow-up date, thanks. This is the key ingredient I need!]


You can't force attraction - it's either there or it isn't in my opinion



Stalk
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19 Jan 2013, 9:13 pm

common interests? what are you looking for? A clone of you? or someone that fills the gaps?



yellowtamarin
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19 Jan 2013, 9:13 pm

nessa238 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
So I've built up a list of advice and things to try, from all your wonderful contributions. Perhaps they will be useful to others in the same boat:

1. Don't rely on first date chemistry. If nothing went wrong (even if there was no "spark"), push yourself to see them at least once more, if not twice.
2. Don't trust "spark" as a strong indicator of a good match - it might just be their charisma which is not enough to go on.
3. Don't propose to Boo until he can at least spell your name correctly.
4. Try to focus more on avenues other than online dating.
5. Swap the "standard" and "fun" dates around. Go on a fun date first.
6. Be okay with limiting the first date to mostly small-talk - some people prefer to leave the deep conversations until later.
7. [Can someone fill this one in with how to become more excited about a follow-up date, thanks. This is the key ingredient I need!]


You can't force attraction - it's either there or it isn't in my opinion

Which basically makes my whole thread pointless. And that's fine, if it is the case. I'll just keep trying til I meet someone.