V_for_Verbose wrote:
My solution:
Learn about women! Read books on how to attract women, and learn what their state of mind is like. Being angry and sad isn't going to help your situation, you need to learn, and put knowledge into practice. Here are just some things I have learned from reading and practice:
1. Women are emotional creatures, and are stimulated by things that elicit emotions. That's why women like funny guys, because humor stimulates their emotions, and puts them into a good mood.
That's true, but can be frustrating for anyone who just isn't naturally spontaneous verbally. I think feeling pressure to be entertaining and worrying about periods of silence will just destroy my confidence and force myself into an unnatural role. I can be funny on the right occasion but I can't force it all the time or I will just come off as foolish. It seems to me that it would be much easier to just find someone with a common interest so you can do something together. Even something like playing a board game takes the pressure off because you don't have to be constantly coming up with conversation but you can decide to be funny or flirt when the occasion arises.
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2. Being "nice" will not attract a woman. Women are attracted by emotional stimulation, physical touch, and confidence in a guy, not by being "nice". Being "nice" will just make her think of you as a friend with no potential romantic interest. If a guy can cause a woman to feel positive emotions, she will be attracted to him. If he displays confidence, she will be attracted to him because he is sure of himself, and knows what he wants from life.
Maybe this depends on the woman? Seems like too broad of a generalization to me. I mean, you obviously don't want to complain or act whiny, but there has to be women out there who can handle some honesty rather than having to have a constant "macho" front. Why not wait out for the right person rather than try to change yourself 180 degrees and then get down on yourself when it doesn't work out? Otherwise the issue becomes you can only fake super-confidence for so long and then tire out and be discovered to not be the person she was initially attracted to.
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Touching a girl in a non sexual way, like on the hand, shoulders, etc, after a guy has attracted her by stimulating her emotions, will attract her because she will know he isn't afraid to touch her, which shows confidence.
That's fine but you probably need to test how comfortable she is too on a first date, especially in public. Some women can by shy regarding touch at first, especially if they are aspie. Discomfort at first doesn't mean automatic rejection.
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3. After meeting a woman for the first time, you have X amount of time to show her that you are romantically interested in her. After that time is up, she will only see you as a "friend" from that point, and you will be "friend-zoned".
This seems like NT advice that might not work for people on the spectrum. Or at least I don't see why you have to be romantic or touchy-feely on the very first date. Probably the best way is to do things incrementally. If she does something that shows romantic interest you should reply with something that "ups the ante" a slight margin. Of course you can't wait too long to initiate if she is also dating other people because if you never act you'll be passed up for someone else.
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4. Women hate neediness in guys, and run from it like the plague. To demonstrate that you are not needy when talking to a woman, do not face your body towards her. Opening your body to her right away shows neediness. Instead, wait for her to face you, which shows interest, and then you can face her, and have an "open" conversation. Also, do not lean your head in at her, it shows submissiveness.
5. Smile when talking to women. If you don't smile, women won't be attracted to you because you look too "serious".
These ones sound like advice for the "pick up" stage. The OP doesn't appear to have problems with this as he doesn't get rejected outright. No need for additional paranoia over body language stuff that worrying over will make a you seem less confident.
01 Jun 2013, 10:16 am
