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Girl dates me for being nice to her: Matrix glitch report.

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octobertiger
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02 Oct 2013, 1:58 pm

lost561 wrote:
I have to agree that it's better for you to make sure she wants to have sex before you make any moves in that direction with her. It sounds like this female that Shau is seeing is conservative, which is actually a very good sign shau. Those are the types of women that I personally strive for myself, even though they will take longer to have sex with by nature. Sex isn't everything.

If a woman wants to have sex with you than you will know. There shouldn't be a guessing game involved.

If a woman were to play that game with me and expect me to guess whether or not she wanted to have sex than I would have to defer.. Less chance of looking like an a**hat.


Quality post.

Also, it tends to be more passionate and mean more to conservative types anyway.

However - caution - some women (should I say, grown-up little girls) actually get off on teasing men - getting them to that point, pushing them as far as possible and then just cutting it. A few that I have had the misfortune to meet and not disqualify quickly enough really take it to the extremes - I mean, right to the point of no return! Just to see if you will stop...nah, I'll stop, I won't scare you any more. Because you should be a little worried. I'm sure some here have had the same experience.

If this girl is like that, just for the hell of it, you'll know, and then you can decide what to do.

There's all 'types' out there. That's why taking any advice here is so risky - even mine!



Einsteinologist
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02 Oct 2013, 1:59 pm

Tequila wrote:
What?!


WHO is dealing this dumb playing card!

Who really is on First, isn't he. 8O



octobertiger
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02 Oct 2013, 2:01 pm

Can you be a bit more specific?



Einsteinologist
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02 Oct 2013, 2:02 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
This thread makes me remember this guy:

Image


Thanks for sharing - sharing means caring...'uhu'! ~Barney



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02 Oct 2013, 2:06 pm

knowbody15 wrote:
Shau wrote:

We've done hugging, kissing, cuddling, and dating. If I'm in the friend zone, this chick's "friend zone" is awfully generous. Plus, it's been really good relationship practice. If she wants to bugger off as soon as she's done with me, I'm rather satisfied with the transaction. I'm happy for her to stick around, though, she's a lovely woman.


This is what turned the thread into a new direction. I think people are now concerned with your generous yet ambiguous friend zone status, plus she's got an ex that's still a problem (unless you were kidding about that) and ultimately, we dont want you to be just a transition for this girl.

I say no more kissing and hugging for free, she needs to make an honest man out of you.



I'm somewhat kidding, but also kinda serious.....but also kinda kidding.


Making an honest man is just another form of the same mind game.



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02 Oct 2013, 2:15 pm

Y'all are sick in the head.

Go hash out your gray areas while I finish advocating for the criminals and victims that share much in common with you.

And people question MY personal sanity? :roll:



Ann2011
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02 Oct 2013, 2:19 pm

knowbody15 wrote:
I say no more kissing and hugging for free, she needs to make an honest man out of you.



I'm somewhat kidding, but also kinda serious.....but also kinda kidding.


I've had men friends who I really got along with, but didn't have sexual interest in. They ended up ending the friendship when it did not become romantic. I always thought this was a shame, as there are valuable relationships that aren't sexual.

Too often the woman becomes some sort of object to conquest.



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02 Oct 2013, 2:27 pm

Einsteinologist wrote:
Jono wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
I can't believe the sh** I'm reading in this thread. Some of the advice sounds positively date-rapy..........

No means NO!


We're not on about serious resistance. There's a difference between a very teasing and playful 'no' whilst continuing to rub you and kiss you and one that is said and meant seriously (defensive or emphatic body language). The body language can give you a good idea of what is meant. There are women that feel societally guilty for participating in sex, but want to have it deep down and for a dominant partner to take charge. This isn't the same as completely disregarding that person's wishes and forcing yourself on them. It takes judgement to work out which is which.

A lot of women do put up token resistance, although I very much understand the point that this can be used to nullify genuinely non-consenting partners. I had a woman who I later realised wanted me to basically rape her and she was very put-out and pissed off when I flatly refused to play ball because she frightened and confused me.


Uh no, following this advice is rather dangerous (especially since those of us on the spectrum can find it difficult to read body language). If someone is giving "mixed signals", then either ask for clarification to obtain verbal consent or don't have sex with her at all. You need to be 100% sure that consent is given and that it's valid, otherwise you could find yourself charged with rape. Also, if she is conservative and feels guilty about her sexuality, then the solution is not to try to coerce her into sex. You have to make she's comfortable with it before having sex with her.

Shau: Whatever you do, don't do this.


Dude, that is just another way of saying the same manipulative, uneducated BS.

Avoiding a "charge" is not good reason to avoid doing what you want. You're obviously out for #1 which makes you a royal ass.


Actually, it's not just about avoiding a charge. I said that it was wrong to force someone to do something even if it's something you want to do.

By the way, you're 9 years old. Go talk to your parents about what consent means.



Last edited by Jono on 02 Oct 2013, 2:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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02 Oct 2013, 2:31 pm

Tequila wrote:
Jono wrote:
If someone is giving "mixed signals", then either ask for clarification to obtain verbal consent or don't have sex with her at all.


They could see that as part of the game to taunt you by making out that you're 'square'. Verbal consent may be a passion killer for them and a means to tease you more.

In fact, in that situation it might be better not to have sex with her at all. It could well piss her off terribly, but it's her fault.

Jono wrote:
You need to be 100% sure that consent is given and that it's valid, otherwise you could find yourself charged with rape.


You can never be 100% certain. Often, the people involved having sex are not 100% sure that they want it or not. They might lean towards wanting it, but they would not hugely miss it either.

Jono wrote:
Also, if she is conservative and feels guilty about her sexuality, then the solution is not to try to coerce her into sex.


'Coercion' is not the right word. If the guilt overrides the desire to have sex, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near her.


That's good. Don't do it then.



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02 Oct 2013, 3:08 pm

Jono wrote:
Einsteinologist wrote:
Jono wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
I can't believe the sh** I'm reading in this thread. Some of the advice sounds positively date-rapy..........

No means NO!


We're not on about serious resistance. There's a difference between a very teasing and playful 'no' whilst continuing to rub you and kiss you and one that is said and meant seriously (defensive or emphatic body language). The body language can give you a good idea of what is meant. There are women that feel societally guilty for participating in sex, but want to have it deep down and for a dominant partner to take charge. This isn't the same as completely disregarding that person's wishes and forcing yourself on them. It takes judgement to work out which is which.

A lot of women do put up token resistance, although I very much understand the point that this can be used to nullify genuinely non-consenting partners. I had a woman who I later realised wanted me to basically rape her and she was very put-out and pissed off when I flatly refused to play ball because she frightened and confused me.


Uh no, following this advice is rather dangerous (especially since those of us on the spectrum can find it difficult to read body language). If someone is giving "mixed signals", then either ask for clarification to obtain verbal consent or don't have sex with her at all. You need to be 100% sure that consent is given and that it's valid, otherwise you could find yourself charged with rape. Also, if she is conservative and feels guilty about her sexuality, then the solution is not to try to coerce her into sex. You have to make she's comfortable with it before having sex with her.

Shau: Whatever you do, don't do this.


Dude, that is just another way of saying the same manipulative, uneducated BS.

Avoiding a "charge" is not good reason to avoid doing what you want. You're obviously out for #1 which makes you a royal ass.


Actually, it's not just about avoiding a charge. I said that it was wrong to force someone to do something even if it's something you want to do.

By the way, you're 9 years old. Go talk to your parents about what consent means.


I am not 9 years old - it says that my "Age" is 9 which means Stoic if you are living in the Present Age.

Consent is a tricky Subject esp in an ice-phishing hole like this thread.

Good Day "my kids."



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02 Oct 2013, 3:17 pm

/\
(respectfully) Ignored. No clarification of thoughts on topic.



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02 Oct 2013, 3:39 pm

octobertiger wrote:
/\
(respectfully) Ignored. No clarification of thoughts on topic.


Sorry Tiger I did notice your request but the chimes drowned you out. :(

The Basic Summary is that I have never been in a consenting sexual relationship because I can smell non-consent a lightyear away.

I'm beginning to wonder if there really is such a thing as true consent, as it takes a myriad of predatory efforts to facilitate the process.

I am not a predator but I sure as hell know how to be one.



octobertiger
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02 Oct 2013, 3:49 pm

OK, you seem hyper-intelligent, but I'm having trouble exactly understanding what you mean/hoping you do not mean what I think you mean.

Could you explain further? Reading that, I sense a combination of absolute honesty (regarding 'predatory efforts' which you might confuse with advertising/'displaying') and confusion over 'non-consent.'

Maybe this is a semantics thing, or perhaps you see this initiation of a physical relationship in this context as leading someone up the garden path?

By itself, your last sentence without further explanation could be seen by many as worrying, and having possible socially negative implications. Once again, could you explain further, to prevent jumping to conclusions.



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02 Oct 2013, 4:14 pm

Einsteinologist wrote:
Vectorspace wrote:
PM's are always appreciated.

I noticed sickoid. 8)

?



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02 Oct 2013, 4:18 pm

octobertiger wrote:
OK, you seem hyper-intelligent, but I'm having trouble exactly understanding what you mean/hoping you do not mean what I think you mean.

Could you explain further? Reading that, I sense a combination of absolute honesty (regarding 'predatory efforts' which you might confuse with advertising/'displaying') and confusion over 'non-consent.'

Maybe this is a semantics thing, or perhaps you see this initiation of a physical relationship in this context as leading someone up the garden path?

By itself, your last sentence without further explanation could be seen by many as worrying, and having possible socially negative implications. Once again, could you explain further, to prevent jumping to conclusions.


Yup - the guy sounds ludicrously over-paranoid about the issue of consent. I get that he doesn't want to be seen as predatory, but sexuality in essence is predatory in that it's all about people hunting down and fulfilling their desires. If there was absolutely no predation involved, sex would be completely dull and lifeless.

(This is nothing to do with the issue of consent. Both/all partners should be consenting at all times.)

If the woman is 99% into him and fancies him to death, but if she initiates a tiny amount of pseudo-resistance (like flirtatiously and playfully asking him if they really should be having sex because she is satisfying her urge not to be seen as too 'easy' - the answer to that is to equally playfully deal with the 'resistance' by various witty and amusing comments), he'll freak out and bail, upsetting and infuriating the woman in the process who actually really wanted to have sex with him.



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02 Oct 2013, 4:38 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
This thread makes me remember this guy:

Image



Ah so my Up up, down down ...etc was deja vu in that game.