Rate or Hate my OKC Profile!

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Note at the beginning of what I said, I mentioned that "if I could have it my way" it would be 100%. I realise the world does not work that way. I'm not actually a clingy person, probably slightly opposite. With me, it's either people don't mess me about, or I cut them out. Since it's hard to tell when someone is genuine, it's easier to cut people out. It's an easy boundary for me to create, and saves me headache. I'd be happy for a boyfriend to have friends, as long as he didn't cancel plans with me in order to see them, or usually chose them over me. That just hurts.

I don't think anyone mentioned waiting until 50 to find a special aspie girl. It's just around the beginning of this thread JM mentioned that he "would've liked" an aspie girl, I think implying that ideally he'd have one.

I was looking back over the thread as it seems I missed about 6 responses after looking at text pyramids.
I can understand why it would be a burden to someone who needs to take priority over friends, and family. This is also why I'd rather in most cases go for an NT lady. There (not always) at least seems to be a more realistic expectation on how I balance people in my life with them. There are going to be times where a girl will pick to do things with me either the same time as my friends by accident or on purpose, and not always but sometimes I'm going to make a decision to go with friends. I think someone realistically can't expect me to constantly drop everything I do or already have planned just to be with them. I mean, if I had this sort of expectation of a girl they'd strike me with a hot iron, so I'm only being fair and as I say realistic. I was asked by someone why I want a gf if I already feel complete so to speak? I think this simply goes back to this paragraph. I don't feel complete, but I don't need someone to do that for me. I want someone for mutual comfort and bonding and all the other things you do in relationships. It doesn't mean I depend on it, but I am human. So LogicalMolly and smudge I hope this addresses the neediness thing.

I have to say you're definitely right about the music bit. I amended that yesterday
I'm not too sure why you felt the need to keep mentioning yourself or why these things about me would put you off specifically (after I stated the thing about NT girls) but thanks for sharing anyway. Insightful nonetheless.

Normally, boyfriends don't cancel plans with their gfs in order to be with male buddies.

It wasn't just me describing what I did and didn't like. I really do think you often get the wrong idea about me. I think you feel I'm hiding something and am malicious towards you. I'm as honest as I can possibly be on here and yet you seem to read into more than what I put. A trust issue thing? And yes, this is partly in response to the PM you sent me - which irked me.

You appear happy-go-lucky and normal on here but in reality you have issues too. e.g. that text incident. Why do you think I would be so open and honest with you about everything else - my problems etc. and yet be doing a "powerplay" thing on you at the same time? Why would I want you to like me so I could reject you? It doesn't make any sense!

Rather than trying to get at me in other ways, why don't you just point it out if I appear rude or off? I'm sh!t at wording things, I thought I made that clear. All you have to do is tell me rather than make me out to be some kind of a***hole.

As for me asking for what you meant in that PM - that was precisely what I was asking. Nothing to be read between the lines. I wasn't questioning your motives.

FaceofBoo: You are right.

"Rather than trying to get at me in other ways, why don't you just point it out if I appear rude or off? I'm sh!t at wording things, I thought I made that clear. All you have to do is tell me rather than make me out to be some kind of a***hole." - actually, I did exactly that in private. And you dragged it out in the public domain. Congratulations.

"You appear happy-go-lucky and normal on here but in reality you have issues too." exactly, and I've never denied this. It's partially why I'm here on WrongPlanet.

whoopsies. lets just have an Aspie handshake and move swiftly on, shall we?

Fine!

I'm with you two. I want just a girlfriend, no friends. I don't have the energy or the interest for more than one other person in my life. My girlfriend can have as busy a social life as she likes (although I doubt that I'm compatible overall with an extrovert), as long as she doesn't expect me to participate, accompany her to social functions, meet her 6,359 friends, or somehow automatically care about/like her family just because we are dating.

The concept of "friends" doesn't even make much sense to me. If I like her enough to spend time with her, why wouldn't I like her enough to have sex with her? I don't have a clear sense of the boundaries of these different categories of non-familial relationships.

It's something that takes time to emotionally develop. When I was in high school and college and my first jobs any girl that I talked to however small a bond we had I'd contemplate what it would be like to date them or in a lot of cases be intimate. I've found treating them as if they were family helps distinguish a platonic boundary. The other thing is even if you are responsible enough to not pursue any of these friends for sex, and say you did have sex anyway, it doesn't have to mean anything.

Anyways this is digressing from the original topic, which was to rate the profile and offer criticism (which I've accepted as much as I can of). Best to let this one sink until there's something new to say. Thanks to everyone for offering their advice and opinions

Hmm...the girl I knew from somewhere else who messaged me on OKC. I looked on my facebook timeline today and my ex housemate has met her up at lunchtime.

A couple of the questions were about if I was still living where my ex housemate was and what it was like. Now, as much as my ex housemate was nice to me in person, she has said things about other people behind their back and not to them. There were a couple of things I did that while are trivial she made a big deal out of like breaking wind in the bathroom of all places!! She went "urrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!". It was one time in 3 months. Another thing is she has strong political views and feminist views that sort of contradict themselves and don't really represent her political stance or feminism. And a lot of my views don't really coincide with hers. However respectful I may have been she somehow might have felt this was a problem and thus I'm not as good a person as I make out to be. I guess the long story short is I'm asking if I should be concerned about this sudden meetup between both of them. I mean, they haven't met up in a month or so..just seems like convenient timing. Perhaps I'm overthinking it. I've had no actual problems with my ex housemate on nights out together, and the girl who messaged me has always been rather cool too.

I'd let it go. She sounds like a bit of a pain, and not the sort of chilled-out girl you're looking for. Good luck to your ex housemate - hope he never passes wind.

I wouldn't waste another second thinking on it - you've got a woman to find, hurry up, I want to be able to heckle you from the back row of the church

If you're not off to Gretna in a week, I'm finding your wife for you. Be scared. Be very scared!

Hi. I think I might have worded it a little odd. Basically, this girl that contacted me is friends with my ex housemate. And I was wondering if she genuinely wanted to say hi or if she was spying for my ex housemate (who was the one i mentioned about the wind thing lmao) who seems to have a grudge with my landlord. I mean, the girl has shown a lot of genuine interest in the past but I never pursued it because the organizer of the group we were in kept stopping me from talking to the girls to the point he would come on over even if they were the ones to initiate conversation. I guess I won't know if she was wanting to catch up or just be nosey until I get a response. You're right, though, I shouldn't focus on that as much as I'd like to. I should look onwards and upwards

Just thought I'd say since I took off my income, I've gone from several visitors, to a couple, to zero. Are people able to search by income? Do you have to do certain things on your profile to make it more visible? I don't really know how it works.

You've gone to the bottom of the list. That means that people with newer profiles - or edited profiles - are being prioritised above you.

Change a sentence on your profile, and see what happens. Do it daily.

Or...the money really is an issue. Hmmm. Try the sentence change, and if that's no go, I suggest putting the money back on. Perhaps people do search with that in mind.

Out of principle I'm not putting income back up. I changed a couple of sentences slightly. Thanks for the tip.
I think if it got to the point I have to put my income back in my profile to get hits I will end up depressed. I'm already very guarded and weary of people.

How does OKC work? the dating site I had signed up with did allow you to pre-filter people based on income.

If you are interested in this girl who messaged you, you could try keeping it light and see where it leads. your ex housemate does sound a bit odd I have to say, but it doesn't mean that she hates you or that even if she advised this girl against seeing you that this girl would be influenced by that. I know this woman who is always saying stuff behind people's backs, really private stuff and she is still really popular. I think this is how NTs bond and make friends to be honest, by gossiping about other people.

Ex housemate contacted me earlier funnily enough. Just chitchat. Maybe I am a bit too cautious for my own good. Everything seems fine. Yeah I hope her friend messages back I quite like her.

OKCupid is a lot more dynamic than Plenty Of Fish in the sense that yes your profile takes longer to set up but you have so much more ways of finding people and matching them up to your profile or persona. As well as that, answering more questions (which is optional) also has a lot of customization and can improve matches. The messaging system IMO is a lot better than PoF's as is the layout. There seems to be a different "community" if you can call it that from PoF in the sense that more Internet savvy daters use it whereas people that rely on word of mouth will go to PoF. Oh, and it turns out filtering by income is not a premium feature meaning anyone can do it. It would explain why my number of visitors has dropped completely. Fk my life *shakes fist*