sk8r44809 wrote:
Yes... I sympathize very much. My experience is it's just a very vague, wishy-washy world. The really nice thing about both you and the girl that I am hoping to get involved with is that you WOULD just be deliberate and thoughtful either way... and say so if you just didn't like a guy (which you did in your OP about the other friend of yours), or else take an honest shot at developing something romantic if you do fancy a person. You also did that.
Yeah. I did have a situation with another Aspie a few years ago where they basically asked me out. I didn't even realise until I'd got home, but I just sent them a message saying thanks but no thanks. I felt really bad that I didn't like them and had to let them down. I don't ever want to hurt another person's feelings. One of my exes posts on here and he'll tell you that I'm probably too honest. I think my first words to him were to tell him that he was hot!
sk8r44809 wrote:
First of all, as you know, you should try your best to reframe all the negative feelings about yourself.... the fact it hasn't panned out, and maybe never will with this particular guy... does not say anything negative about you as a person. Imagine that the stars have to be lined up just right for something like this situation to be a success... you'd be foolish to expect the stars to be right every single time, but you would also be foolish to stop trying, because the only way to "get lucky" and find a positive outcome is to continue acting out your values and your desires until one of these times the stars WILL be lined up, and it will work.
I am reminding myself of this. I'm not doing as badly as I have in the past, and am trying to just keep telling myself that one day I'll find someone who DOES like me, and that I have many good points.
sk8r44809 wrote:
Secondly, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and risk being offensive here because you seem like you will be the sort of person who might not be offended when I say this: You seem to be doing well here, as long as you can handle being patient and waiting for him to come around. The most likely reason this isn't happening now (in my mind) is that there is some other girl that he liked already... or someone he is still not quite over from his past. The potentially offensive thing is that being patient kind of means waiting on that other girl's influence to run out with him. Most people would think that was demeaning to you... that you were settling for somebody's leftovers. But personally, this seems to be one of those social "rules" that you would be wise to break, if you want to break it. If he is indeed stuck on somebody one way or another, then I sympathize with his predicament as well as yours. I have been there myself, with a fantastic girl on the sidelines watching it all happen, and invariably THAT girl is the one who really did deserve my attention. I am still friends with more than one of those sideline girls... and they have a special place in MY heart that nobody could ever take away. This is a hypothetical of course, but any one of them could potentially have me on their arm very quickly if they wanted to, and it's all because when it was really hard for them to be my friend, they did it anyway.
So given that you still like him and he probably also likes you... I would personally try to balance between getting over him enough that it doesn't still hurt every time you communicate, but also not getting so far over him that you end up despising him on some level. Because if you can keep that balance, odds are that whenever he DOES want a relationship one day, you will be one of the first to come to mind.
Not at all offensive. If this is the case and he's able to 'get over' the other person at some point and wants to be with me, well that will be awesome. If not...well, he's a great friend and it's made me happy talking to him.
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If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.