What are your non-negotiables? (apart from must love cats)

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leafplant
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13 Jan 2014, 4:42 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
A lot of people have some very long lists here. I've narrowed mine down to three

1.) Must be fairly attractive. (White, maybe hispanic or asian, not to fat or to skinny)
2.) Must have their life together to some degree (No train wrecks)
3.) Must not be boring (If your idea of life is sitting at home day and night, don't bother me.)


So these are all subjective

I mean there is a Fairly Attractive by general consensus and Fairly Attractive to yourself. ditto the rest.

Otherewise, I could easily fit those criteria and believe me, you'd scream, go white and pass out if I showed up on your doorstep :P



Halfmadgenius
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18 Jan 2014, 5:13 am

Must love all animals.

Must want children.

Must be highly intelligent and able to discuss science and philosophy with me.

Must handle conflict and stress in a quiet, calm manner (must never frighten me.)

Must be patient when I am slow to pick up things or make decisions.

Must have a steady job and goals for the future.

Must give me room when I melt down.

Must never abuse me in anyway.



Halfmadgenius
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18 Jan 2014, 5:16 am

Must love all animals.

Must want children.

Must be highly intelligent and able to discuss science and philosophy with me.

Must handle conflict and stress in a quiet, calm manner (must never frighten me.)

Must be patient when I am slow to pick up things or make decisions.

Must have a steady job and goals for the future.

Must give me room when I melt down.

Must never abuse me in anyway.

And of course male and attractive goes with out saying. He doesn't have to be Johnny Depp, just reasonably fit, groomed, and have a full head of hair.



Tim_Tex
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18 Jan 2014, 5:21 am

Halfmadgenius wrote:
Must love all animals.

Must want children.

Must be highly intelligent and able to discuss science and philosophy with me.

Must handle conflict and stress in a quiet, calm manner (must never frighten me.)

Must be patient when I am slow to pick up things or make decisions.

Must have a steady job and goals for the future.

Must give me room when I melt down.

Must never abuse me in anyway.

And of course male and attractive goes with out saying. He doesn't have to be Johnny Depp, just reasonably fit, groomed, and have a full head of hair.



I am working on the job and weight situation, but I fit all the others to a T.


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voodoojoey
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18 Jan 2014, 9:12 am

My non-negotiable is that if she's anyone but my best friend, I really don't want her.



Halfmadgenius
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18 Jan 2014, 10:25 am

Alas timtex you are in Texas. That's quite a hike from Dalton and I refuse to move that far away from my mom.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2014, 10:44 am

- She must be educated and well cultured.
- She must not be so religious, not necessarily atheist. Moderate is fine, spiritual is fine.
- She must not be racist, fanatic, including fanatic atheism, and of course not animal abuser.
- She must not be into the typical FB culture, being so obsessed on getting approval and likes on her pics from as many people as possible (I know a female acquaintance who texts me every time she puts a new pic on fb - despite her attractive looks, that mentality turns me so off more than thinking of grandma)
- She must know English, people who don't know English are generally so out of touch with the world, French is a plus.
- She must not be too overweight.
- She must not be a mule-headed about gender roles (ie. "men must not do this, women must do that"..etc).

there are more, but I have a date, I need to go out, hope she is not one of the "must not".



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Jan 2014, 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aussiebloke
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18 Jan 2014, 5:07 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
- She must be educated and well cultured.
- She must not be religious, not necessarily atheist.
- She must not be racist, fanatic,
- She must not be into the typical FB culture, being so obsessed on getting approval and likes on her pics from as many people as possible (I know a female acquaintance who texts me every time she puts a new pic on fb - despite her attractive looks, that mentality turns me so off more than thinking of grandma)
- She must know English, people who don't know English are generally so out of touch with the world, French is a plus.
- She must not be too overweight.
- She must not be a mule-headed about gender roles (ie. "men must not do this, women must do that"..etc).

there are more, but I have a date, I need to go out, hope she is not one of the "must not".


so true my aunty works 100 hour weeks at her rural hotel in Switzerland and asks me the most :oops: :ing questions in regards to Australia , she's in the service based economy and does not speak a word of English nor German 8O
She may know how to run a hotel yet knows little else.


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Last edited by aussiebloke on 18 Jan 2014, 6:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Jan 2014, 6:00 pm

I didn't really keep track of my non-negotiables aside from a general idea of the kind of person I do and don't want to be with. Some of my main ones and how they compare to who I'm currently seeing.

1. Monogamous and cut out for monogamy. The kind of person who's comfortable with one person, doesn't worry about what they're missing out on while in a relationship, and doesn't make excuses for or sympathize with infidelity.

This describes him perfectly. Many of the "guys are this, guys are that" stereotypes floating around are the opposite of him. He's never wanted physical touch for its own sake, and I would definitely say that he's a monogamous romantic.

2. Happy to take things at a slower pace and enjoy developing closeness and non-sexual touch prior to sex. Doesn't look at a sexually active relationship as the end goal, a marker of success, or a way to judge my interest or lack of.

Also describes him perfectly. No sex on the third date or within the first few weeks means that we were both shy and focused elsewhere, nothing more. We've spent more time trying to get inside each other's heads than each other's pants.

3. Gentle and good-natured, not wishing ill on others or looking for reasons to. Not apathetic or opportunistic about the treatment of others.

He's not big on people and has a very reserved or disinterested attitude towards human beings. However, he's very nurturing towards animals and has firm opinions about how other people should be treated.

5. Must be creative or appreciate creative pursuits.

We're opposites when it comes to what we appreciate most of the time. I like movies and literature and he likes music, but we do find common ground and listen to albums together.

6. A decent communicator when it comes to conflict. Not someone who tries to provoke or manipulate me instead of talking.

He tends to shy away from conflict, but disagreements can be worked out honestly when they do come up.



Last edited by coffeebean on 18 Jan 2014, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Jan 2014, 6:33 pm

I broke up with someone yesterday.

My new addage to the non negotionables list is....

Must not make fun of the fact I have autism or any autistic traits I have.


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18 Jan 2014, 6:51 pm

must not be able to stomach me in her presence , being able to respect a women is verrrrry important to me :)


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18 Jan 2014, 6:57 pm

Solvejg wrote:
I broke up with someone yesterday.

My new addage to the non negotionables list is....

Must not make fun of the fact I have autism or any autistic traits I have.


what about it's done in a playful manner I mock and I can't imagine why he goes out of his way to avoid me :wink: my Iranian disability pension buddy I tease him for acting gay in fact a gay muslim he says he kills himself if his gay or even muslim for that matter. Funny he lives in the inner city yet all ways goes to the extra barbaric shop ie halal butchers cause he says it's "cheap" I don't buy it :wink:


I wasn't been hurtful though looking back I can imagine I was :oops:

ps disability pension buddies make the best friends :D


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19 Jan 2014, 3:28 am

There's lots of things I would have major problems with in a relationship & there's things I would really like & need but I don't think I had any nonnegotiables when I was single because I didn't want to limit myself, I believe compromise is very important for any relationship, I'm far from perfect in some ways I have my various disabilities & problems & quirks that I would want someone to look past so it's only fair if I would be willing to do the same, & characteristics can have very different effects depending on the person who has them & the circumstances.


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19 Jan 2014, 8:24 pm

Kezzstar wrote:
-Must like animals, particularly cats and dogs
-Must like sports
-Must be honest
-Must be able to deal with high levels of affection


I could handle it, perhaps, perhaps not :? never received it so I wouldn't know :P

I find it hard to believe any one would want to be with anyone out of the 7 billion people they chose them and than they chose you back , unbelievable 8O


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jly88
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22 Jan 2014, 1:39 am

- Must love dogs, or at the very least like them
- Must be male and between the ages of 23 and 31 (between two years younger and six years older than me)
- Must be 100% certain of their sexuality, i.e. not a closeted gay guy experimenting with girls "just to rule out the possibility". Bisexuals are totally cool by me as long as you have a strong enough attraction to women to commit to a heterosexual relationship (my ex-boyfriend is bi and I didn't think of him any differently than I would a straight dude)
- Must be what I would consider "attractive"- historically I've gone for a lot of guys with a "quirky cute" vibe, but I'll go for conventionally attractive as well. You don't have to look like something off the cover of GQ, but sexual attraction is important in a relationship.
- No intimacy issues
- No cheating
- Must be non-religious, or at the very least "non-practicing"
- Must have at least some overlap in music taste, since music is one of my biggest interests and means of connecting with people
- Must respect my occasional need for personal space
- Must accept me for who I am in spite of my limitations and shortcomings
- Must have similar views on issues that are important to me. I'm not a very political person, but there are certain causes (such as women's rights) that I have strong opinions on
- Must have good hygiene and at least some pride in their appearance
- Must be at least my height (5'7"-5'8"ish) and at a reasonably healthy weight
- Must be what I would define to be "intelligent" (there are many kinds of intelligence out there)
- Sensitive personality a plus, though not necessary

I'm sure there are others, though...



Last edited by jly88 on 22 Jan 2014, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

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22 Jan 2014, 2:24 am

i'll try

be nice and kind
honest, doesn't cheat
won't make fun of me or pick on me cause of my disorders
-be non violent except for defense
-doesn't like yelling ( i retreat and hide or yell back and then feel guilty)
- like cats but wont own reptiles, spiders or insects ewwwwwww
- like affection(i'm a cuddlier) and being around me( i can get clingy but am still respectiful
- be able to deal with or get me out of my shell ( i get to a point where i feel its bad for me to talk so i feel weak and can't make a sound )
- be silly and playful ( a huge attraction for me as i'm silly and playful, so being able to play games, tickle each other, build forts would be great)

- the other things like hygene, and such

and if they are social-able that's be cool but not pushy about it. i like to hang out with people but most time idk what to do or say and prefer stuff to do for gatherings but having a person to get me out would be great lol