Would you date a pua?

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Lilya*

You missed the point. A decent person is happy to do something decent just for the sake of decency.

My sponsor child in Mali doesn't even know I exist.

Oh, you mean that type of nice. I thought you meant nice as giving Osama Bin Ladin a birthday present.

No, the term for that is "stupid". Unless the person giving the present is his brother or best friend or something.

You don't. Not one bit. A genuinly nice/kind act is done without expectations of any kind of reward. Although smiles and thank yous are appreciated (and usually given by other nice people) the aren't guaranteed nor should they be expected.

Like Lilya said, treating social actions (including dating and making friends) as "acts of trade" means you are completely missing the point. Nice Guy TMs see thier interactions with woman as "acts of trade" (kindness = boobies) and as a result, get nowhere.

I thought he meant letting a woman boss you around, because I've met a lot of women and white knights who use it as an excuse to boss me around.

You can be nice without letting yourself be pushed around. Standing up politely for your rights falls well within behaviour that a nice person might do. Nice people even get angry sometimes.
You don't have to be a people-pleasing doormat just to be considered nice.

I tend to trust people fully if not too much. as for talking to guys that depends i don't think i'd have a problem with it unless its an ex and/or another guy that she starts spending more time with then me and flirting with etc. i might asky who shes talking to but that has less to do with jealously and more to do with my over curious nature.

i have actualy had women tell me i'm confident, unless its one of my friends who i vent to who might say i'm insecure. i do have abandonment issues and that perticulur case the lady i was talking to long distance would disappear randomly for weeks at a time in which my anxiety would go crazy(first week would be fine but after 2 weeks i'd be going crazy not knowing if it was over or worst something happen to her. its quite possible given other stuff this maybe have been some extremely weird catfishing situation

what happen to you sounds horrible and yet part of me would kinda be willing to do that for the short time the relationship last, heck i maybe be willing to take abusive one for a while, had a abusive friend who was a girl in middleschool( i guess she thought i was her bf and she owned me) just saw her as a mean friend(hitting and yelling at me, i wasn't allowed to cuss or say certain things or she'd hit me.

yeah i find it to be quite sexist, i tend to be open minded and accept people with all their problems, i've never met or read a woman's profile that is willing to except any. they want mr. perfect, which i guess is why reading about nt women being with aspies guys really confuses me. and makes me jealous.



If i had a gf i might use words like my gf or my love or you mine, or you belong to me(all these are used in love songs), though emotional and lovely not reality people can't be property

constant reassurance. now now alot of women do this as in the dreaded " am i fat, or how do i look in this, what about this, or this, or this one" i really only require it steadily not really often but then again i'm the type of guy that would say you're beautiful and i love you daily

yeah i get that, i like talking to the person i love and spending time with them but i don't want to be joined at the hip, i imagine i'd get too overwhelmed with them and then irritated, so even if its just doing separate things in the same room i do need time alone

shouldn't couples help each other with problems and insecurities? i've never been in one so i really don't know but that's what I've been told.

I tend to trust people fully if not too much. as for talking to guys that depends i don't think i'd have a problem with it unless its an ex and/or another guy that she starts spending more time with then me and flirting with etc. i might asky who shes talking to but that has less to do with jealously and more to do with my over curious nature.

i have actualy had women tell me i'm confident, unless its one of my friends who i vent to who might say i'm insecure. i do have abandonment issues and that perticulur case the lady i was talking to long distance would disappear randomly for weeks at a time in which my anxiety would go crazy(first week would be fine but after 2 weeks i'd be going crazy not knowing if it was over or worst something happen to her. its quite possible given other stuff this maybe have been some extremely weird catfishing situation

what happen to you sounds horrible and yet part of me would kinda be willing to do that for the short time the relationship last, heck i maybe be willing to take abusive one for a while, had a abusive friend who was a girl in middleschool( i guess she thought i was her bf and she owned me) just saw her as a mean friend(hitting and yelling at me, i wasn't allowed to cuss or say certain things or she'd hit me.

yeah i find it to be quite sexist, i tend to be open minded and accept people with all their problems, i've never met or read a woman's profile that is willing to except any. they want mr. perfect, which i guess is why reading about nt women being with aspies guys really confuses me. and makes me jealous.



If i had a gf i might use words like my gf or my love or you mine, or you belong to me(all these are used in love songs), though emotional and lovely not reality people can't be property

constant reassurance. now now alot of women do this as in the dreaded " am i fat, or how do i look in this, what about this, or this, or this one" i really only require it steadily not really often but then again i'm the type of guy that would say you're beautiful and i love you daily

yeah i get that, i like talking to the person i love and spending time with them but i don't want to be joined at the hip, i imagine i'd get too overwhelmed with them and then irritated, so even if its just doing separate things in the same room i do need time alone

shouldn't couples help each other with problems and insecurities? i've never been in one so i really don't know but that's what I've been told.

It does look like PUA techniques are extremely important for men seeking to court women.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_VEbmOI5LI[/youtube]

sly: Everyone is insecure about something. The question is whether or not they want to make it your fault (and get angry at you for it) if you can't somehow 'make' them feel better. If they are so neurotic that they're going to blame you and get angry at you for not 'fixing' their problems, I don't want any part of them. I don't want to be punished because they are unable to understand that what's wrong in the situation is entirely in their heads.

The example aspiemike gave is good for an illustration. I've dated men before who responded to my talking to any other man by getting angry, resentful and/or being sh***y to me (like grabbing my arm and dragging me away or being mean to me for the rest of the night). That is an example of the other person's insecurities becoming my 'fault'. It didn't matter that I was talking to a random stranger whom I would never ever get in bed with, what mattered is that they felt insulted or as if their manhood was maligned because their property was talking to some other man.

And let me tell you, that's REALLY unattractive.

oh my that sounds awful grabbing a womans hand and pulling her sounds mean. i can't do that. i guess i can be happy to know i'll never do that stuff, being mean to your gf sounds like it'd backfire, she could be mean back or silence treatment.

i always thought insecure was related to clingy ie liking hugs/cuddling and talking to a person daily if oked

i mean unless you cheated on them why does it matter if you talk to other guys or what you do when your out for the day i mean aside from wanting to hear about it at the end of the day. an odd like i guess. i mean i would talk to women and asume the guy you were with did too, so it seems unfair.

though i'd go home and tell if i had um thoughts or looked a girl's body, is that bad or good? i just tend to feel guilty

sly: It comes in less physical forms, as well. For instance, I once dated someone who was constantly sure I was going to leave them. No matter what I told them, they believed I would leave because they believed no one would want to be with them. After awhile, I just got exhausted with him and broke up with him. I had no intention of doing so at the beginning, but his constant whining and assertion that I'd just leave him ended up being more than I could handle (especially since he wasn't trying to handle it, and was prone to sulking and pouting whenever I tried to deal with a relationship issue.)

So when I'd say: "hey, please stop saying I'm going to leave you, it's really depressing and insulting," he'd say "no one stays with me anyway." I realized there was nothing I could say to him that would make him feel better, and that I was actually making it worse by being there. So I left.

i can be like that at beginning but i seem to get better the longer they stay, though its hard to know as I've never been in a real relationship, just a online "friends with potential in which one week she could be there the next week she might disappear for weeks, so i never knew is she was going come back or be there , nerve wrecking) the other i don;t even now know to classify. I've also had a lot of friends who just up and leave, only have 1 kinda left. never hang out or talk much . so my experience has been people don't stick around, but im hoping i can find a woman who will so i can be like shes been here for 3 weeks and feel safe. i mean aslong as she doesn't disappear randomly without saying bye i'lll be back in a few weeks love you.

does that make me insecure? should i stay away from women , cause i don't want to hurt anyone

Mouthyb- that guy sounds self-defeating and afraid of rejection. To noone's suprirse, his biggest fear came true (maybe almost every time).

Sly- you may be feeling the same way as mentioned with the guy in that story. However, the disappearing act speaks volumes for the other girls too. I wouldn't want to date someone who would disappear like that without any warning.

yeah i worry about it bit, but idk how i'll be as i've never had a gf. maybe i'll be insecure or maybe i'll be distant, i hope its neither. but i do feel for a bit i'll feel insecure about it not that i'll ever tell her so i guess it won't be bad as it won't show? i tend to battle my own anxiety with "does she like me, of course she does, but what if she doesn't, you're being silly" both women said they loved me and both abandoned me. be it from 1. just disappearing and then eventually coming back and saying she doesn't have enough time. or the other one who lied to me and yet i forgive both of them i guess i'm a victim at heart due to my trusting nature. like if #1 texted me again i'd be tempted to get pulled back in. i loved talking to her when she was around(other hand i wasted a year hoping she'd want to be official) i can be kinda distant when i shut down(i can't bring myself to talk, lay on my bed etc) maybe i'm too broken?

aspiemike: Pretty much. There was only so long I wanted to look over and realize that I was having a great time and he was obsessing over me leaving. Plus all the passive aggressive comments about how I couldn't really mean what I was saying to him.

sly: I wouldn't rule out dating, but I would spend time in a realm in which you have competence to help build feelings of mastery and/or confidence. For instance, I am a bad Motherf***er at TF2--if you see my heavy coming, you might as well lay down and die (and usually, no one sees me coming. I like ambushes.) And god help the mothers who piss me off enough for me to switch to pyro.

On days where my obsessive thoughts about myself are a bit heavy, I kill the s**t out of people online for awhile. Or I spend time doing things I rock at which help reinforce my own feelings of being a competent human being. Your mileage may vary, but it's really important to realize that your insecurities are problems you have to deal with yourself, and that it takes time to get a handle on them.