Do the majority of guys with A.S. never get a girlfriend?

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"Meltdown" is BS, here I am saying it, there's no "Meltdown" in the Autism's diagnostic criteria, there's almost no "Meltdown" in the serious psychiatric/psychology literature, and from what I've heard from WP users about Meltdowns are different things that already have names in english: Tantrum, losing temper, panic, mental breakdown, extreme need for isolation, short-timed extreme depression, short-timed extreme anxiety.....ETC ETC ETC 1000 x ETC.

Out of the 10000000 threads on WP regarding "Meltdown" and you still can't pinpoint a single definition of "Meltdown" because it can mean anything, it is probably a word invented by WP users and other autism boards internet users (or was mentioned in some book I dunno and later on adopted) to describe thing(S) they think they're "unique" for aspies but they're not, these "Meltdowns" happen to many struggling NTs and people with other disorders, this word by itself is totally meaningless.

If a husband shut downs on himself that's not "Meltdown", that's simply called shutting down on himself.

If a husband can't work or do anything because he's too depressed, that's not "Meltdown", that's simply called extreme depression.

If a husband loses temper at the slightest things that's not "Meltdown", that's simply called a profound lack of anger management.

If a husband keeps insulting his wife, that's not "Meltdown", that's simply called a verbally abusive husband who needs to learn manners and a divorce.

If a husband hits his wife, that's not "Meltdown", that's simply called a violent husband who needs to be in jail.

Meltdown is bollocks.

OK - was that addressed to me?

Whatever... I use meltdown because it's an accepted shorthand for a set of observable behaviours.

You can continue to ignore my main point and be distracted by details as a way of diverting from the real issue here. I'm kinda used to that behaviour.

It was addressed to the whole WP who keep using the term "meltdown", it's nonsense at all.

This is also the kind of stuff that can legitimately be dealt with in therapy, with the right therapist. I have to wonder though how many in that situation seek out a therapist they can click with specifically to address these issues.

I think I'm a bit like Klowglas here, but I wouldn't restrict it to rejection specifically. It's more generally that many things about relationships with other people make me feel bad in some way - whether it's confused, anxious, hurt, depressed, whatever. You can say it's stupid, irrational, I shouldn't feel those things, etc. - but the fact is, I do. It's just like sneezing being very unpleasant for me - perhaps it shouldn't be, perhaps it's not like that for most people (some people even like it!), but that's just how I experience it.

I highly doubt it's something therapy can help. It's theoretically possible, of course, but most therapists are worse than useless and I just can't see what even a good one could do to make me experience the world differently. Even the mere fact of seeing a therapist would be setting myself up for the almost-inevitable disappointment of having gone to all that trouble and expense for nothing.

If this sounds like I'm one of those people that just never give things a go - I'm not. I do give things a go, but it's been my experience that if I'm fairly sure that something will go a certain way then it usually does. Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy or do I actually just know myself well and think things through carefully? Who knows, but the implication is the same either way.

...I'm not sure how to answer at this point without seeming like I'm pushy or insensitive or any of the things that might now potentially attributed to me [possibly because of my perceived gender?]. :/

I *could* say that how you feel about relationships with other people [or how you end up feeling in regards to them] is "stupid, irrational" or that you shouldn't feel that way... but I'm not about to. Because I have often felt similar to what you describe. I'm not going to try to keep driving the point home, but I found that therapy with the _right_ therapist helped me to figure out how to clarify boundaries, prioritize my needs, see when people actually suck, understand when I am spreading myself too thin, etc etc etc.

I think when one doesn't inherently understand the rules to the game and tries to constantly learn by observation, you don't necessarily understand the motivations OR the coping tactics to manage your personal resources.
Anyway, I know this is kind of tangent-like, but the boundaries, prioritizing helped though not every therapist is going to understand how to work with adults on the spectrum.

No, you don't sound pushy or insensitive if you've been through something similar yourself. I'm glad to hear therapy has helped you. Even though I'm still not about to seek out a therapist, it is a positive thing to hear, so - thanks.

Okay but I still think that it needs an official diagnosis. Even if he has AS, he probably doesn't realise or know the differences, he's gotten to adulthood not being diagnosed with it.



I seriously don't think that refusing to apologise for something due it being an accident really has anything to do with Asperger's. You said in a previous post that he broke something due to being clumsy and then refusing to apologise for because it was not his "fault". It is his fault because he broke it, so he's not taking responsibility for being negligent.



No, I was trying to make sure that the meltdowns that you were talking about is what I understand to be meltdowns and not fits of rage or aggression used for coercion and control that are associated with abusive relationships. Meltdowns are not about control and are due to overload of stimuli rather than about anger. Meltdowns don't just happen spontaneously, it's built up by all sorts of stresses, including possibly sensory stimuli over the course of a day or possibly over weeks. I used to have them regularly when I was child and a teenager but for me, they happen more rarely now. In order to control them, you have to diffuse them before they happen. I appreciate that the environmental factors that cause them are not something that you can control but in order to stop a meltdown from happening, one has to recognise that one is coming and then remove oneself from the stressful situation (including sensory stimuli like lot's of noise) before it get's to the point you have a meltdown and there's a complete loss of control. You might notice a change in his behaviour leading up to the meltdown but the one to realise it the earliest will probably be him. It's not just one particular thing like whatever upset him just before the meltdown, there's a whole buildup, that one particular thing may just be the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.



I understand that. I'm not able to articulate my feelings sometimes either. He may be perceiving what you're saying to him about behavioural changes as a personal attack, rather than what you're intended it for. I would start the conversation by saying "I feel.." or "this is how I feel", rather than "please do this". People with ASD's communicate differently from NT's. You have to be direct when communicating with him, don't just hint, otherwise there'll be misunderstandings.



Yes, but it's very difficult to change. Most adults with AS learn to compensate in places like work environment, where you can use scripts for social interaction but that doesn't work intimate relationships. You cannot hide AS traits from family or an intimate partner. Many AS partner's do try to work quite hard on the relationship even when it seems to NT partner that they aren't doing anything but meanwhile it's just as hard for them as it is for the NT. Some don't even know how to change or what's expected of them because it's the way they've always been. They don't know how an NT mind works differently from theirs, especially the ones who undiagnosed or are only diagnosed recently in adulthood.

No Boo, "meltdown" is definitely a recognised word in the english language. If you look it up in any dictionary, the definition of "meltdown" is a "complete emotional breakdown, usually due to overloaded stimuli". I've looked it up in several on-line dictionaries just to reply to this comment. While they are not exclusive to autistics and NT's can have them, ASD's actually have several symptoms that would make them far more frequent in people with ASD's. Among the symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder that make it more likely for autistics to have meltdowns include things like sensory integration problems and rigid routines. So, too much sensory input (auditory or visual stimuli) could be too much for the brain of an autistic person to process and thus eventually cause a meltdown, or possibly a disruption of a rigid routine could also do it. NT's can also have meltdowns but it usually takes something extreme to do it. And no, it's not the same as a temper tantrum because temper tantrums are about anger and are usually controlled and directed to get a particular outcome, while meltdowns are more about stress than anger, are usually undirected and there's a complete loss of control.

or ADHD which can cause irriation with small things go wrong. I believe this is where that comes from for me. I get upset and most times I control it, but like the other day I messed up 3 hamburgers, which really sucked and costed alot and then a 3 fell apart and my mom took the spatula from me to fix it without giving me a chance to. I was upset about the 3 then to add the others I felt bad for messing upt why didn't i see it would happen with the first one. so I hit the bbq with the spatula I rarely do that. perhaps a stress ball would help?

sometimes I just hold/tightly cuddle a stuffy or do breathing exercises . then I have very rare panic attacks i guess one would call them that. my boy tenses up and feels weird. I have to hold still why I wait for it to past. talks about rape/sexual abuse or losing a loved one can bring this on. and I feel like i shouldnt' talk sometimes and a need to go hide. I never considered this melt downs.

I've been told when I was 4-6ish I would curl into a ball and rock unresponsive. this is what I consider a melt down and what some people here have described.

This is probably the truest thing I've read (and probably will read) in a while. Talk to 'em!! !!

I've been in therapy twice (as in two different sets of sessions) once last year, and once last semester, and I start another set of sessions to try and get over this exact issue. The other therapists didn't really help, but I didn't really connect with them (and I'd challenge their competencies) so I'm pessimistic to the chances of it working, but my friends made me go since I cut myself over the most recent rejection, so I guess I don't have a choice but to go. I also have a crap load of grad school angst that is independent of women rejecting me, but that's another story.

Maybe its for the better. If you failed n times, you will almost certainly fail the n+1th (or is it n+1st?) time.


Why would anyone do that? Fire burns and it will burn. Nothing you can do about that.

I've yet to have one and I'm 24. I've tried in the past to pursue a relationship but to no avail. I was nothing but polite, kind and honest but I guess some people don't want a "pure" person, per-say.

I'm also 24 and I don't think I will ever be in a relationship. I try to be the best person I can be, but I guess I'm just not good enough. I wouldn't call myself pure and I don't blame anyone for this. People like what they like and if it's not me. Well, then too bad for me.

to much racism going on with people and honesty. oh well.