Why do Women do this on Dating Sites?

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Way to miss the point, Boo. The point was that saying "I'm a nice guy" or "I'm a high-quality male" is absolutely meaningless, because everyone thinks that they're 'nice' and 'high-quality.'

Which dictionary are you using? I always get something similar to this:



It's the belief, not the power to enforce it, that defines racism and other prejudices. Now, you could argue that some forms of racism or other bigotries are more destructive than others, but to argue that these prejudices are actually not prejudices at all because of the relative power or lack thereof of the hated and the hater doesn't really hold up. Personally, I think that in order to be consistent one must condemn all prejudice equally or risk hypocrisy and double standards, and that doing so is also the best course in the long run, as one of the best ways to stoke resentment is to tell people that 'oh, it's different when they do it to you, quit whining', which is essentially what your argument does.



Is it? I suspect you're going to trot out that study street harassment that a late and unlamented member liked to use as a cudgel, but IIRC that study was about the rates that women are harassed at, not the proportion of men who are harassers. I suspect it's similar to violent crime, in that a small number of people commit a disproportionate number of the offenses, creating a distorted picture of the actual prevalence of certain behaviors.

Oh yeah, welcome back.

while i haven't had a load of women i have had a bunch who at some point ask for a picture of my penis. It makes me uncomfortable for a few reasons.

idk i tend to feel and think i am a horrible monster most the time, its others who tell me I am a nice guy then i just repeat what they said.

I've also met a good amount of people that will say they are as*holes, rude, cruel, or mean, but that's just how the world works and if you want to survive its how you have to be. to them not being a high quality male or nice guy is the way to go and they are proud of it.

Well, I was thinking about setting up a dating profile, but this thread has really put me off.

You're missing the other half of the equation.
Yes. The actual harassers are a vocal minority.
Problem is that men willing to speak out and stand up against such behavior (rather than derail and dismiss the discussion) are also a vocal minority.

"Only a small minority do it, therefore it's not a big deal" is pretty much the ultimate derailing tactic meant to keep a discussion from being truly engaged.

If you want some good empirical evidence of what LKL is talking about, just look at this thread. 50% of the grievances (including the OP's)seem to be based on the idea that not messaging a guy back on a dating site is somehow a slight against them.
"I took the time to mention what a nice guy I am and how I don't send dickpics, and they don't respond!? What the hell? I guess I should be a jerk instead cause that's what great guys do......."

LOL. Talk about socially awkward. You might as well open your message with "I'm not a rapist, you should date me otherwise there's something wrong with you!"

So, men are collectively responsible for the actions of all other men? Would you deploy that argument in different circumstances, such as Muslims having a duty to confront radicalism or be broad brushed with it, or blacks "policing" each other for "stereotypical" behavior, otherwise they all be judged for it?



You might want to reread what I actually said, which was rebutting specific claim that LKL made about "a documented fact" regarding men, this derailing thing is purely a projection on your part. Perhaps you should re-familiarize yourself with the straw man fallacy while you're at it, you can't seem to get a handle on either side of it.



I believe the word you meant to use was 'anecdotal', and this being a site for people diagnosed with a communications disorder that is largely populated by men, I'm hardly surprised at the handful that are bitter about being unsuccessful at communicating with women, a notoriously tricky task even without the faulty wiring. They're a small minority of the population here, and hardly representative in any meaningful way.

No dictionary - black studies/history professor. Don't know where she got her info, so it's 3rd or 4th hand at least coming from me. It makes sense, though, to distinguish between bias that is powerless and bias that can be socially enforced, regardless of the words that you care to use.




Is it? I suspect you're going to trot out that study street harassment that a late and unlamented member liked to use as a cudgel, but IIRC that study was about the rates that women are harassed at, not the proportion of men who are harassers. I suspect it's similar to violent crime, in that a small number of people commit a disproportionate number of the offenses, creating a distorted picture of the actual prevalence of certain behaviors.

Oh yeah, welcome back. [/quote]
Hmmm don't know what study you're talking about - it might have gone the rounds during my hiatus - but, at the least, it's a well-accepted trope in women's studies that men expecting access to women's attention, but not the converse, is one significant aspect of male privilege as present in the US. It's a part of social dominance - part of just being taken more seriously. Now that I think about it, I've seen a lot of MRAs (and ordinary men, in person) comment that women 'think that they have a right to the male gaze' or 'think that they have a right to attract men' or something along those lines, when the woman in question is clearly, to me, not trying to attract attention at all. It's hard to think that I'm misinterpreting catcalls and physical grabbing, though.

As for what proportion of men act that way - the ones whom I've spoken to about it say that "all men" think or act like themselves at least some of the time. I don't think that "all men" do, but I'd guess the number is more than half (though most of them are not the harmful sort, and most of them probably only think/act that way because that's the environment they were raised in).

What? Where did anyone say this?



Unfortunately, the trend of posts on this thread is not even a little bit unusual.
Likewise, it is not entirely invalid to cite a thread in which men are being called out for demanding female attention, but still demanding it, as one interesting example of the disproportion of men's expectations wrt. female attention. If you want more examples, go hang out over on Reddit for a while, or any MRA/PUA site, or any other dating forum. Look at what the men complain about (women who won't respond) and what the women complain about (men demanding their attention, and occasionally throwing tantrums when they don't get it). It might not be a 'study,' but it is a hell of a lot of written evidence in toto.

Why am I not surprised that this comes from an AA studies professor? Again though, you made a claim regarding the definition of the word, one that is not supported by the evidence, regardless of how you may feel about the differing effects of various bigotries and which is "worse" than the other.



Yeah, you missed a lot of "fun", including a certain study on street harassment being swung around a lot, I'm actually pretty surprised you aren't familiar, as it did the rounds all over the feminist web a few months back.

'Trope' is also exactly the word I've been looking for to describe these ideas that come out of gender studies courses, ideas that I feel often have some truth in them, but are over-applied and then have the facts contorted to fit them, as is common with insular groups that enforce a viewpoint on their membership; echo chambers, if you will.



Lot of anecdote there, I could easily counter that I can count the cat-callers I've met on my lifetime on one hand and have fingers left, and that all of the non-callers have been universally embarrassed by the guys that holler, and puzzled that the strategy actually works on occasion, but like I said, it's all pretty meaningless when it's just personal experience. Regardless, I really, really doubt that it's more than half of men, unless you seriously start twisting some definitions around.

I bolded the important part, where it's clearly implied that men need to police each other or be collectively judged.

Geekonychus's trademark not so subtle insulting insinuation, which is also a straw man in this case, is underlined.



Yes, examples of sexism are easy to find on the internet, but what percentage of the user base are producing them? How about on WP? How many thousands of member do we have, and how many of them are actually responsible for the posts you mention?
Do you like being defined by Andrea Dworkin because she was loud and obnoxious and got a lot of attention and people lump all feminists in with her? That's essentially what you're doing here, pointing to a vocal minority and claiming that they're more than they actually are, and no, it's not different when you do it.

If your just horny and looking for casual encounters go to Fling.com not Okcupid most peeps there are looking for serious relationships and friends not so much flings or friends with benefits. The reason why they do this on dating sites is because maybe they have been humped and dumped and assume you are out for a hump and a dump. Dont take it personally they are just looking out for themselves to avoid being used and hurt. I try putting myself in the woman's shoes but unfortunately they don't fit lol!

Well, even as a clueless Aspie I am starting to realize about 20% of the girls on OKCupid are only looking for a fling and many more have that as a primary focus. My theory is that due to ridiculous societal pressure and double standards they don't want to admit this fact to themselves but nevertheless it is pretty obvious what they are after. One even went so far as to say "if you don't know what (I can't say here because this is not the adult forum) is don't bother contacting me. It's too bad it has to be this way: I was at an Adult store recently and it's pretty obvious what gender is buying the majority of products in there (hint: not guys)!

In my experience, the only site where almost everyone is looking for a serious relationship is eHarmony. Period. It's unfortunate due to the high cost but I have pretty much tried them all locally.

^ Give them my number.

Have you used it yourself? I took a quick look just now and it appears to be about the usual misleading BS designed to suck in the horny and gullible. There is no price anywhere. Even the FAQ entry for "how much does it cost?" gives no numbers. It never even says whether the site is free or paid (but of course it's paid).

eHarmony is even worse in this respect, by the way, and that alone is enough reason for me to never use it.

I personally know 2 people who met their SOs on eHarmony. One is married and other is living together. So it does work for some people.
But I do think it's for a certain type of people. I never tried it myself because I know I don't fit the type.