Why is "Ghosting" Socially Acceptable?

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lolcatwt
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28 Oct 2014, 4:02 pm

I've done this because some guys can't take no for an answer. As a recent example, I gave a guy I met once and talked to for a few minutes my phone number, thinking I might go out with him someday. Immediately he sent me texts that made it clear to me we were not a perfect match. I politely told him I had changed my mind. To him, this meant "I'm playing hard to get, so please constantly message me and stalk me." I had to ghost him to get him to stop texting me non-stop and following me into stores.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Oct 2014, 4:49 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
They're too shy to make a closure.


I disagree. I say they're too selfish to make a disclosure.



...or selfish.



Kurgan
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28 Oct 2014, 5:22 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Ghosting is NOT socially accepted. It's just something that's done. It's rude and SO selfish.
I mean that in relation to dating. I feel it's socially acceptable to ghost a ghoul of a person - a person who has abused you in any way - I'm all for that!!


Depends on how long you've been seeing each other. I've done that to several first dates before. I also did it to a BPD ex-girlfriend after we tried being friends.


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lightningorb
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31 Oct 2014, 10:56 pm

You ghost when someone is retardedly f****d.. and we just stop talking to them..



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01 Nov 2014, 7:36 am

^^^^
lol yep, but like a couple other people in this thread have stated. The ones who are very quick to "ghost" other people when it suits their purpose, are also usually the ones who flip-out the quickest when someone unexpectedly does it back to them.



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01 Nov 2014, 7:43 am

Hence why I am ghosting a particular f****d up on this forum.



Jjancee
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01 Nov 2014, 12:40 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Ghosting is NOT socially accepted. It's just something that's done. It's rude and SO selfish.
I mean that in relation to dating. I feel it's socially acceptable to ghost a ghoul of a person - a person who has abused you in any way - I'm all for that!!


Nobody is entitled to an explanation. The person who ghosts you? Is communicating with you. Yes. They. Are. The message is "not interested, go away".

Let's say someone's ghosting you. What do you hope to achieve by repeatedly contacting them? And what would possess you to think that your creepy refusal to just go away will achieve?



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01 Nov 2014, 1:36 pm

Jjancee wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Ghosting is NOT socially accepted. It's just something that's done. It's rude and SO selfish.
I mean that in relation to dating. I feel it's socially acceptable to ghost a ghoul of a person - a person who has abused you in any way - I'm all for that!!


Nobody is entitled to an explanation. The person who ghosts you? Is communicating with you. Yes. They. Are. The message is "not interested, go away".

Let's say someone's ghosting you. What do you hope to achieve by repeatedly contacting them? And what would possess you to think that your creepy refusal to just go away will achieve?

I can bend on whether someone is entitled to an explanation. What I have trouble understanding is when a person chooses fading over an actual break-up. If you're being dumped, I think the least anyone deserves is to know they've been dumped. If a person just disappears, that could mean anything--a breakup is only ONE possibility and not necessarily the most likely one. I once had a gf stop talking to me. Reason? She was in the psych ward!! ! She managed to sneak out long enough to call me and tell me everything was ok and not to worry, and I heard from her again a few days later when they let her go.

It's perfectly reasonable to assume the worst when people vanish and others refuse to talk to you about it. You can't blame a guy for that. Seriously, we live in a world in which terrorism and human trafficking are increasingly the norm. For a guy, whether you dump him outright or you fade him, it still sucks for him either way because he's getting dumped. A fade is not a breakup. A breakup informs everyone where they stand. A fade doesn't. Breakups communicate that it's time for everyone to get on with their lives. A fade doesn't.

Breaking up takes only slightly more effort than fades. "Hi! It's me. I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye." Click. The end.



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01 Nov 2014, 1:36 pm

Venger wrote:
^^^^
lol yep, but like a couple other people in this thread have stated. The ones who are very quick to "ghost" other people when it suits their purpose, are also usually the ones who flip-out the quickest when someone unexpectedly does it back to them.

QFT. the hypocrisy that dare not speak its name.



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01 Nov 2014, 1:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Venger wrote:
^^^^
lol yep, but like a couple other people in this thread have stated. The ones who are very quick to "ghost" other people when it suits their purpose, are also usually the ones who flip-out the quickest when someone unexpectedly does it back to them.

QFT. the hypocrisy that dare not speak its name.

Indeed. Chronic faders are all about the positional power that fading gives them.

From 48 Laws of Power: Nothing angers someone so much as being ignored out of existence.



auntblabby
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01 Nov 2014, 1:53 pm

the golden rule is such a quaint thing these days.



Jjancee
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01 Nov 2014, 6:27 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Ghosting is NOT socially accepted. It's just something that's done. It's rude and SO selfish.
I mean that in relation to dating. I feel it's socially acceptable to ghost a ghoul of a person - a person who has abused you in any way - I'm all for that!!


Nobody is entitled to an explanation. The person who ghosts you? Is communicating with you. Yes. They. Are. The message is "not interested, go away".

Let's say someone's ghosting you. What do you hope to achieve by repeatedly contacting them? And what would possess you to think that your creepy refusal to just go away will achieve?

I can bend on whether someone is entitled to an explanation. What I have trouble understanding is when a person chooses fading over an actual break-up. If you're being dumped, I think the least anyone deserves is to know they've been dumped. If a person just disappears, that could mean anything--a breakup is only ONE possibility and not necessarily the most likely one. I once had a gf stop talking to me. Reason? She was in the psych ward!! ! She managed to sneak out long enough to call me and tell me everything was ok and not to worry, and I heard from her again a few days later when they let her go.

It's perfectly reasonable to assume the worst when people vanish and others refuse to talk to you about it. You can't blame a guy for that. Seriously, we live in a world in which terrorism and human trafficking are increasingly the norm. For a guy, whether you dump him outright or you fade him, it still sucks for him either way because he's getting dumped. A fade is not a breakup. A breakup informs everyone where they stand. A fade doesn't. Breakups communicate that it's time for everyone to get on with their lives. A fade doesn't.

Breaking up takes only slightly more effort than fades. "Hi! It's me. I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye." Click. The end.


A fade ABSOLUTELY communicates that it's time for everybody to get on with their lives. The ghosting? Communicates that loud & clear. My hat breaking up takes only a teeny-tiny but more effort? Is IRRELEVANT. You aren't ENTITLED to a breakup (especially if you weren't officially, exclusively dating them!).

"Terrorism and human trafficking are the norm"?! OMFG, get over yourself - that's a lie you're telling yourself. Getting ghosted = wants nothing to do with you (not kidnapped/trafficked & unable to return your call).



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01 Nov 2014, 10:21 pm

Yes, but how am I supposed to know that? I've had someone vanish on me before. She WAS taken against her will. If I'd given up on her, having been part of her support system, it could have been the worst thing I could have done. I didn't give up, and we're still together. Oh, and that was over 10 years ago.

How am I supposed to know for sure I've really been dumped? Fading is NOT a breakup. I described a breakup that could happen over the phone in under 3 seconds. No explanations, just goodbye. What is so difficult about that? How am I supposed to get on with life if I don't know I've been dumped?



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02 Nov 2014, 1:37 am

Jjancee wrote:

A fade ABSOLUTELY communicates that it's time for everybody to get on with their lives. The ghosting? Communicates that loud & clear. My hat breaking up takes only a teeny-tiny but more effort? Is IRRELEVANT. You aren't ENTITLED to a breakup (especially if you weren't officially, exclusively dating them!).


With this logic, I would suppose it is perfectly acceptable and normal for a married person to pull this on their spouse and kids, correct? The spouse that is being "ghosted" isn't entitled to divorce papers, nor are they entitled to any child support payments. They just simply have to deal with the fact that they got "ghosted".


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02 Nov 2014, 4:38 am

aspiemike wrote:
Jjancee wrote:

A fade ABSOLUTELY communicates that it's time for everybody to get on with their lives. The ghosting? Communicates that loud & clear. My hat breaking up takes only a teeny-tiny but more effort? Is IRRELEVANT. You aren't ENTITLED to a breakup (especially if you weren't officially, exclusively dating them!).


With this logic, I would suppose it is perfectly acceptable and normal for a married person to pull this on their spouse and kids, correct? The spouse that is being "ghosted" isn't entitled to divorce papers, nor are they entitled to any child support payments. They just simply have to deal with the fact that they got "ghosted".


Good question. I think the answer for these women is that it is only acceptable when women ghost men, while it is horrible the other way around. That's typical feminist thinking.



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02 Nov 2014, 6:00 am

Jjancee wrote:
You aren't ENTITLED to a breakup (especially if you weren't officially, exclusively dating them!)

This isn't a question of entitlement, it's a question of respect. As AngelRho said:
Quote:
If you're being dumped, I think the least anyone deserves is to know they've been dumped.

You may think that cutting all contact without any explanation is the easiest way to get them off your back, but it doesn't necessarily work that way. Ghosting aggravates the guy (which can become a safety issue) and also it makes it impossible for him to get over you because he doesn't know he's been dumped and you're not giving him any opportunities to talk and find out what on earth is going on.

As for your argument of "You aren't entitled to anything", how far are you willing to take that? Because applying that philosophy universally means you're not entitled to safety and you're certainly not entitled to any form of respect or consideration by others - if someone punches you in the face for no reason, then logically you aren't entitled to call them out on it, other people are entitled not to give you sympathy or medical attention (if required)...where do you draw the line? Presumably you expect some level of respect from others regardless of how well you know them, but how can you justify that if nobody is entitled to anything? :?