Does this count as a date?

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certainly feels like it. mind you i have a bunch of things that make me unloveable

I am still bothered by this thread.

I am distressed by the assumption that receiving disability support payments from the government/taxpayer should make one depressed. It does bother me, but I think that's more because of the stigma. For example, if one was receiving support due to say a work related injury (there is a farmer in my province who lost both his arms in a farm equipment malfunction the other day.) Would this person feel ashamed to receive it? Maybe he would. But should he? And should someone who has mental illness be ashamed as well. I suppose no one wants to be the weak one. And mental illness is invisible, so we should just smile and get on with it I'm grateful for the support I have received, but I have to ask myself ... what is my value. And this is where the whole dating circle thing circles back.
I really don't think that receiving disability support or being disabled should preclude one from the dating scene. Not everyone is in the same league as kraftie, but that doesn't mean one has no value. There may be some happy coupling in the lower circles as well.

LOL...You don't want to be in the same league as me.

I'm in debt up to my elbows. And it's all my fault. Student loans, especially.

No girl will ever want me for my money!

I'm short, chubby. My teeth aren't the best. I have a bad haircut now. I'm much better at hygiene than when I was younger, though.

I am a total wallflower when it comes to most things. I'm a square and a half--not even a rectangle.

The reason why I could give advice is because I know how it feels to be undesirable to women. That was my state throughout most of my 20's.

You have to remember what I said--and don't misinterpret me!

If I fall in love with a person who happens to be on "disability," I'll still love her just the same than if she was rich.

I went bankrupt last year. I'll never have credit again, but it was worth it.


I'm a stout and stubby creature and I cut all my hair off myself the other day. Feels better, but doesn't look so good. But honestly, I don't get how people can fuss so much over dead matter being slowly excreted through the scalp. Only humans could find beauty in that.


Yeah, I'm not exactly a great catch these days. I did better in my twenties...youth and all.

You'll be able to get credit in seven years, if not less.

Your hair will grow back. I cut off all my hair twice: once when I was 10, the other time when I was 29. It grew back in a couple of months both times. Bald models exist, by the way.

You have lots going for you. You have lots of smarts--some of which I don't have.

I'm of average intelligence; I thought I was "superior"--turned out I wasn't. You're probably in the "superior" range (according to the Wechsler Test).

You're going through a tough time right now. There are ways out.

Don't let people judge you. Forget about what other people think. Just do things for your own satisfaction and edification.

I'm judged all the time. I haven't been promoted in 34 years on the job--for good reason. No leadership skills.

They would be fools to lend to me. But who knows, maybe in 7 years I will be a best selling author with oodles of money.


I've done this several times before. This is actually one of my better cuts. lol


Never taken the Wechsler test, but I did take the LSAT once and did well.


Yeah, I don't want to die without having done something worthwhile.

My mother made me put on a hat every day for a couple of weeks after I cut off all my hair at age 10.

In truth, this was the result of a bad haircut I gave myself. I got sick of my hair, so I gave myself a haircut. It was like the final result of a forest fire. Luckily, I had two bucks, so I went to the barber, who told me that he had to shave all my hair off. Very costly haircut.

I can't see any assumption in the posts you have quoted that "receiving disability support payments from the government/taxpayer should make one depressed". It shouldn't. Nothing should, ever. But things can and do. And receiving government support payments is one thing that may. For whatever reason. The reason doesn't matter, what matters (to prospective partners) is that unhappiness and depression are more likely to be present in people in certain circumstances than those in others.

And so just statistically speaking, if you were to choose to a) be on benefits, or b) successfully earn your own wage, based on the likelihood of you being as happy you could be with your life and your self in each scenario, which would you choose?

Also shame was never mentioned until you brought it up. Of course the man in your example shouldn't feel ashamed. But that doesn't mean he's not likely to feel less happy with his life or himself than if he still had his arms. People do tend to feel less happy about things when they don't go they way they would like.

I don't get it either. I feel bad about it only because women tend to look down on guys who are on benefits and men tend to make fun of them or rant about how they stealing their money.

otherwise if it paid more like it should, I wouldn't care where my money comes from. money is money. I don't get why people care where it comes from. like doctors or stores, if you getting paid $1 for a $1 of goods why do you care.
its like stores who refused to take black people's money back int the 1900s. who knows maybe one day it won't be a stigma.

I didn't choose to be on benefits. I'm on them because I'm ill.

I know that. I believe you would work if you feel like you could work.

Exactly. (It was just a hypothetical IF to illustrate the point.) And perhaps you are just as happy as you would be if you were able to earn your own age. But it seems fair to assume that most people wouldn't be. I'm certainly not. And I understand that that might be a legitimate concern for a prospective partner. Not the end of the world, just that "it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits". That's all the statement was.

Yeah, I think it's because of the stigma. I mean no disrespect to people on disability support payments but for a couple of years I got really depressed because I was on them. It didn't bother me for the first few years I was on them, only more recently and the main reason for that was because I thought everyone was judging me which lead to me harshly judging myself based on what I thought people thought of me or based on what I thought people who didn't know me would think of me if they knew me. So stigma can be depressing. I was stigmatized for real on occasion. It starts of as real stigma but then it grows in the mind until it becomes an exaggerated version of real world stigma based on worst case scenarios of what I think people think of me, not what they actually think of me.

You were undesirable to women in your 20s? But what about all the girls who followed you home from the subway? Excepting those I guess you did most of your casanovaing in your 30s then.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 20 Dec 2014, 11:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

Well, I have been asked on a date. We are going bowling tonight. We have chatted briefly on POF and I have not said anything about being autistic or on disability. My strategy will be to not tell him for as long as possible. Perhaps we will not even get along anyway. But I fear liking him and being rejected due to this stigma. I know he works - he is a contractor.

Never a Casanova. The ones who followed me home were desperate and didn't want me...they wanted SOMETHING.

In my 30s, I only slept with 3 women.

I denote a sense of skepticism. If you do, just asks me questions, and I will answer them.

Not for me. I sometimes feel unhappy after my plans go horribly right. Then later I wonder why I thought of such a dumb plan in the first place. Even if the plan is executed flawlessly I find out the goal of the plan was one not worth having.

I was happy five years ago but when my tastes changed I started applying them to myself in the past. I started getting mad at myself for not having done things five years ago that I only recently wanted to do. It's like I made my current tastes apply retroactively to my past but maybe that's not a smart way to thinkGood for you!So contrary to popular belief it is possible to get a date from a dating site.If he's a decent sort of guy he won't mind. Would you really want to be with a stigmatist either way?No, not skepticism. I was just trying to reconstruct your life story based on previous posts I'd read.