RetroGamer87 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Instead of actively searching for a relationship, I think it makes more sense to pursue your hobbies and interests in a way that will allow you to practically bump into them. Driving solo in a car to work is less "open" than taking public transportation, for example (I dated 3 different guys I met commuting on a ferry to work back in the day; just people I ended up sitting next to).
Hmmm. I'm not sure if that works for me. I catch the train to work. I see many beautiful young women on the train. We sit in silence.
Sometimes one of them will look at me. Usually one sitting a few rows from me. A different girl each time. Sometimes they stares blankly, sometimes she stares and smiles. I don't know if it's because they like me or if they're thinking "why is that weird guy furtively glancing at me?". Even if they were into me I'm not quite sure how to respond back nonverbally. Someone on Yahoo Answers suggested mouthing "Hi". Typically these girls are outside of speaking range and I'm even worse at giving signals than I am at reading them.
If it's a nearly empty train it would seem weird for me to sit right next to one. If it's a nearly full train a young woman will occasionally sit next to me. We sit in silence and I watch as she reads on her Samsung Galaxy Note (girls nearly always have those, I think because they're purse sized). Often they're also listening to music on headphones, which doesn't help much. The problem is nowadays people have all these social isolation devices e.g. phablets, headphones, etc. I find it to be frustrating and dehumanizing (though I must admit I'm equally guilty since on the train I'm often either on my 3DS or my laptop. Actually I'm typing this on the train right now (no there aren't any twentyager women sitting near me at the moment).
DW_a_mom wrote:
Joining groups is more "open" than pursuing things on your own. And so on. You can't make relationships happen, but you can live your life in such a way that increases the odds of them happening organically.
Hmmm. Didn't work in the past. When I was 20 I almost hit it off with this girl at TAFE (technical college). I thought going back there would help but I find night classes to be a very different experience. No one socializes in night classes. We sit in silence
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So, break the silence. Not always, just sometimes. When there is an opening for it. Possible openings: a favorite song of yours shows up the girl next to you's phone; she takes out a book that you've been wanting to read so you ask her how she likes it so far; if it is someone you've noticed often, you can start saying a simple "hi" every time you see her; if they seem stressed and rapidly get onto a computer to keep working, you can comment, "work never ends, does it?" (and then be respectful of her need to work - but she will remember that you opened up a dialogue and might say hello next time she sees you and is less busy).
One guy I went out with must have been noticing me for a while, because he commented on it when I had just gotten past a deadline and was able to take home an earlier ferry, saying, "hey, hi, haven't seen you on this ferry for a while."
Don't limit getting friendly to people you are actually interested in dating; instead, decide that since these are people you see every day, getting to know a few isn't a bad idea. Once you start a network, it tends to expand naturally.
And you don't go asking someone out the first time you talk to them; you find out if they usually take the some train and car and then keep the conversation going over multiple commutes for a while. Those conversations will let you figure out if this is just someone you can share a friendly commute with, or can date. But there is no loss in having someone you can share a friendly commute with.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
24 Feb 2015, 7:33 am
