Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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This "alpha male" stuff is nonsense. We're not dogs.

(not to insult dogs, mind you!)

Sweetleaf is right, some of you are just quick to interpret anything a guy says into a misogynistic context.

This sounds insane, and I'm not saying that flippantly. I think you are dangerously paranoid and out of touch with reality.

This is the exchange:


You're response:


Regardless of your time zone, your response is open to interpretation. At best it's dismissve and self-centred.

I shall admit that I have a kind of fear from being questioned by dated like for example "Why are you like this?" / "Why don't you go out much?" / "Why you never had a serious relationship?" ....etc

The fact is, I was questioned by dates with such, things about lifestyle, things about my poor social life, things about past, things about sexuality...etc- and I bet they would question more stuff if things went deeper, so it's not just based on my imagination.

Friends, buddies, acquaintances very rarely ask any of this, but dates start questioning from day one.

And I don't like it because even I don't know the right answers.

The real interpretation is "Fine whatever floats your boat, I better do something productive like making dinner for myself instead of going on in this".

Oh wait, you're right, I was being dismissive and self-centered.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 03 Mar 2015, 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just say you're looking for the "right" girl.

Cheesy...I hate cheesy answers.

And it's too cheesy to be believable in my age range.

I would say, in at least some cases, that it's really a true statement, no matter how "cheesy" that seems.

I'm starting to get these questions too. I fight back by fabricating past relationships based on women that used to be a part of my life: past relationships (all less than 6 months), one-time dates, failed romances, escorts I've been with, and my former friend who's a girl.

Here's how I do it. I come up with three fabricated relationships, then have the details down solid: her name, her age, how we met, when we started dating, what the relationship was like, activities we did (besides sex, that is), cause of break-up, date of break-up, and whether I still talk to her ("no"). Then, when asked about my past relationships, I regurgitate those stories, making them sound flowery and emotional, and women seem to love that. I never change the details from person to person, because then it's too easy to get confused in my own lies. I have three simple stories with the details memorized well, and follow them and them only.

Of course, in a few years, I'll have to fabricate a past marriage, because it's "bad" to be in your 30's and never have been married before. This shouldn't be too difficult: same details as above, plus what the wedding was like (base that on a friend's wedding I attended), and what the divorce was like ("civil for the most part").

The_Face_of_Boo, perhaps you can do the same?

I don't fabricate anything.

I did mention some of the past (short) things without going much into details like how long they lasted, dodging to another subject.

That is a very different thing though. Those things could more rationally be linked to strata/success.

Aspie1 fears [might] happen to anyone, but they are so detailed and specific it is pretty ridiculous worrying about it. As the mitigations aren't going to prevent stuff like this happening anyway.

@Aspie1 you have trained yourself out of love or attachment, then you need to seek relationships with people who are not looking for it. Otherwise it is you that is stringing them along.

Do you want to be a hypocrite?

I've already been seeking out women who aren't looking for long-term relationships. But there's a problem. Those women want men with extensive relationship experience, much like today's employers seek "an entry-level programmer with 10 years experience". Probably an evolutionary mechanism of some sorts, where social proofing of past relationships raises a man's desirability, and by extension, proves his alpha status (or makes him seem alpha, if he's not).

So fabricating past relationships becomes a necessity, or a necessary evil, if you will. Of course, it'd be nice if it weren't, but then nice guys would finish first, nerds would get all the dates in high school, and the millions-year-old sexual selection mechanism would get thrown into chaos.

There's really no point in this thread. The OP lives in a perpetual cognitive feedback loop. He's not actually looking for help or even willing to acknowledge he has a problem. He's just looking for people with similarly warped perception of reality to tell him his catastrophizing is justified.

Case in point: Give him an actual diagnosis based on an actual Psychology field that's reflective of what he's going through and he dismisses:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-cat ... ng/0001276

Yet he has no problem believing every women is genetically predisposed to be abusive based widely debunked and oversimplified junk-psychology. Evolutionary psych is the go-to field for racists and sexists to justify all kinds of horrible views under the guise of logic and science (despite all their research being suspect at best.)

It's quite telling when the OP can only explain complex dating interaction in wolf terms (alpha, beta, etc.) Clear evidence that he has no clue how actual human interaction works.

Great, you are ruining your relationships before you even start, by telling lies. And one lie always requires another, and before you know it you are stuck in a very tangled web.

Just tell a palatable version of the truth: "I just haven't felt ready, but I do now" or "I've been too busy with other areas of my life, but things are better now" or "I just wasn't meeting anyone that seemed right" (which can be either because of a job/life situation or by admitting maybe you were too picky). All are fine because all are temporary states.

If a woman truly prefers a guy with experience, it usually means she has had bad experiences with a guy who hasn't dated as much, and you aren't going to be able to create the experience she is looking for, so exactly how does it help either of you to pretend you are something you aren't?

Nor do all women care about a guy's experience level. Of course we will usually ask why, but the point is to find out more about you as a unique person, not to shut you out.

I think a part of my problem also is that I don't know how to seize and jump to opportunity quickly enough and missing out chances in daily life, sometimes not being socially clever enough in some instances.

For example, today in the gym, a cute acquaintance I knew earlier on several occasions, came to the next treadmill and started talking to me- so I chit-chat back, she just arrived to gym and doing her first thing while I was about to head home, I was really tired and hungry after a long work day, when she finished her walk she was like "I am going to exercise in 2d floor, wanna come?" - and I was like "no thanks, I am heading home now" - I didn't give a second thought before saying that, it came out naturally.

lol when arrived home I was like "damn, I could say yes and stay a little more with her" :facepalm: boy...

Yeah, it's a just little incident, but how many relationships start with little things like this? Plenty I bet.\