Why is Asperger's unattractive?

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This is actually something I thought about. If you don't actively appear interested/engaged in the idea of a relationship people might assume you aren't single.

You can't just guess if someone is single or not, they could have a relationship with someone outside of work or school.

I've noticed most N.T's DON'T guess either - they believe there is a 50/50 chance you are in a relationship or not. And this is what you should also assume when looking at other N.T's at school or work.

So really, the key is to appear single without appearing needy or desperate...

I think a lot of us aspies are really focused on our own interests, we might come across as content.

No one would assume a person is friendless, relationshipless and lonely if they look happy/occupied with life...

Ya, both of these posts are very true.

It was funny how back when I had a gf and we would go out, people noticed us. Walking around town, at stores, etc. The way that people would smile at us, address as us as one, etc. was something totally new; I've had plenty of girls as friends before and no one ever made any assumptions, but with my ex it was different, everyone knew that we were together.

Here's another thought - having a low sex drive and coming across as very aloof will make it very difficult for most people to realize that you do have your own sexual and romantic desires. This doesn't mean they dislike you or think you're weird for it, that's just not the light that they see you in. It may not even have anything to do with how attractive you are, just how interested you seem. The general AS demeanor is something that most people would as see as asexual. If they see it as unattractive or undesirable, they're certainly being shallow, and very judgmental.

My point is that the subconscious picks up on a lot, and says a lot.

Yeah, that too. This isn't just for relationships but friendships as well - aspie's often appear/come across as disinterested.

Or as someone uninterested in a relationship. "Single" and "available" are not actually synonyms. (That's a side effect of a view most societies have about relationships.)


For some people there appears to be a fine line between being seen as unavailable/invisible or needy/desperate.


Which is one way the "Just do something you enjoy..." type of advice can fall flat on its face.

This is coming from a chick. I would agree that AS/HFA isn't considered unattractive as most men are concerned, but it really DOES seem to be a turn-off to a great deal of women out there(but obviously !All women).

I didn't date until a late age. After losing weight and getting into skincare, I was considered a jumpoff or side chick, rather than girlfriend material because people expect nonverbal communication. As well as "warmth" from females.

One guy I was interested in said my communication style was weird, exhausting and unnerving. Some people say they would have sex with me but never date me. When I was obese few people wanted to do either.

Why is relationships terrible? Why are we not making ourselves datable? Everything it is, mental cognition is lacked and some couples last and some dont last. Lets get it on, lets not. Its just a game and not even real. We b***h because we dont approve. We cry because we dont like what is having. We get angry because we are tired of drama. Lets present a robotic world and not get all hasty. Its a shame we all suffer and still on this website talking about dating problems and other issues. Its just simple.

I def miss cues. Im pretty sure I come across as being fine without other people, generally speaking.

Im not as feminine as women, more tomboyish. Thats not a turn on for a lot of guys.


As far as hobbies, I concur with others-none of mine as of now are conducive to meeting people.

Maybe some of you need to get just a little outside your comfort zones and take up hobbies that would help you meet people?

I've met a LOT of cool people through work & sports. None that I've ever dated, but still, I've made a lot of friends/acquaintances. Could do some of you some good to do even that vs. set out seeking a significant other, then as your social circle grows you meet more and more people and eventually maybe one you end up dating.

don't want to have to spend money on and fake a hobby then if meet a girl have to then fake that hobby for the rest of my life while whole time really hating it. sounds quite rough.

Ytf would you choose a hobby you hated?

Try something. If you don't like it, don't do it again. Try something else. Try as many new things as it takes until you find something you enjoy doing that might allow you to meet someone. Even if you don't meet anyone, at least you'll have tried many new things & found out what you do and don't like doing and may even find a hobby or activity that you enjoy so much that it'll take your mind off of your relationship desires for a while and actually give you a little positivity in your life.

Kiteboarding is like that for me. I'd rather go kiteboarding than get laid - and I have. Keep trying new things until you find your thing - and then do it.

like what? really not much that people do socially together here besides movies and food.
also I don't have the money to go around trying expensive hobbies(all hobbie are expensive.)
prefer to spend money on things I enjoy ie gaming, wet shaving, shooting, hiking.

also cause I hate most other hobbies. I'm not into the whole left, arts and crafts s**t/music , I hate all kinds of sports/physical activities besides walks and hikes. I like indoor stuff. I like watching movies, shows, playing games, board/car games. learning about stuff.

other problem is unless one knows about a hobby then its like it dont' exist. like how romans thought they knew all the world but only knew europe.

Well, its easy to find new hobbies.

Heres a huge list of hobbies

NotSoBoringLife.com

really texting and watching tv are hobbies. alot of those things are just everyday normal stuff everyone does.

Watching sporting events, Spending time with family/kids

Sleeping. oh yes this is my favorite hobby
Renting movies

a lot of those would only serve to repel girls more. I don't need more lonely girl repelling hobbies. its for this I stay away from. Trekkie, Renaissance Faire, Rock Collecting (well any collecting at all. I more enjoyed money collecting.) R/C anything, etc any other nerdy/geek thing that most nt women dislike. as is I have to hide that I like anime, mlp, cartoons. I plan on having to box all that stuff up in my room leaving it bare if ever I get so long as woman comes to my house.

the other ones cost too much. civil war reenacting cost a lot, same with ww2. I would like to airsoft again one day, tough theres no women in airsoft except wives and gfs.

models cost a lot and because of my adhd I don't have the patient for them, also I don't really do decorations ie non used items. I have a few that have done some emotional attachment some how o.O also lack space.


Internet if anything thanks for the laughs though.

why can't more women just be into the many hobbies I am good at and enjoy. they fun hobbies.

Well, I actually have a strange perspective on it, considering my last two major friends, the latter of which I ended up developing a major crush on, had aspergers, and I didn't find them unattractive in any sense, if anything they were really cute, (especially the one I had a crush on, obviously). I have a more mild PDD-NOS, so I have some similar symptoms, but I can at the same time kinda notice some neuro-diverse behavioral traits, even my own in a weird way.

Ok, first of all, let's get a few things clear:

While I agree with OP's sentiment that Aspergers can make one attractive to the opposite sex, I believe this is really only true for men. Now, I realize female Aspergers are exceptionally rare and I personally don't know any, but the few I've heard of and met online seem to have no problem finding eager and willing romantic partners. The better question really would be why are male Aspergers so unattractive to women.

The answer is actually fairly simple: there are is a certain set psychological traits that women place immense value on in men, and Aspergers, generally speaking, are all fairly lacking in those traits.

Women like loud, extroverted and charismatic men. Aspergers are, almost by definition, quiet, introverted, and (and I apologize to all my Aspie brethren out there for this one, but come on, we all know it's true) uncharismatic.

Women like men who are highly socially attuned and can read subtle social cues. That type of thing simply beyond the ability of most Aspies.

The list goes on and on.