WHAT ARE YOUR DEAL BREAKERS WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS?

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That cat's expression says it all, Angela.

Nobody better mess with you!

I can't tell you how much I love that cat, Mr. K! She got me through one of the toughest times in my life last year because everytime I see her she just makes me laugh.

How would you like to wake up in the hospital to this:


"It's time to put your catheter in your wee wee, Mr. Peters. This shouldn't hurt a bit."




And this one used to be my avatar at AC, but I couldn't get it to fit here: (I love this one!)




I have hundreds of pictures of her and she's my screensaver (along with Waldo, of course)! Talk about dealbreakers, my future Hunny better love Grumpy Cat! Cause she's where its at!

It is possible that I am holding the woman I mentioned to a higher standard than is fair due to my pickiness towards people. So I am more than willing to concede that the mindgames bit might be my perception.

For example, there was one time she asked to chat online and I said yes and then suddenly she said she had things to do before we started chatting. I was like "Have fun" and didn't make a big deal out of it but just a few minutes later (what she said she was going to do takes at least an hour if not two) she came back and said she was done and ready to chat. I was annoyed by what I thought was a mindgame and didn't respond back because I felt like I was being manipulated.

At the very least, I think she has histrionic personality disorder (of course I'm not a professional) so I try to be understanding and polite at the very least even when she annoys me out of my mind.

1. Expecting me to give up video games and my writing to be a housewife
2. Wants children
3. Somebody who wants to “compete” with me (I would love to have another writer and gamer, but it’s a relationship and not a competition)
4. Religious
5. Hates pets
6. Drinker
7. Drug user
8. Smoker
9. Doesn’t work out or like healthy foods (I would like a guy who will take walks outside with me)
10. Expects me to change physically
11. Expects me to do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry
12. Somebody who hates my kind of music (aren’t couples supposed to have stuff in common?)

Oh my lord. I actually had to look up this histrionic personality disorder you spoke of. Why in the heck is everyone trying to analyze people's behaviors? I have to ask - is this an Aspie thing? Because my Aspie friend did the same thing to me and I about blew my stack. He was trying to find flaws in my behavior when I just wanted to say "Dude, you're the one with social problems and depression and you think I have a problem?!"
What you described, I do. The reason she might have to get everything done before talking with you is that she wants to be able to entirely focus on your conversation without having to worry about doing those things that needed to get done. You say she came right back, however, so I don't know why it was a big deal.
How about dealing with something like this - my Aspie friend will take an hour to answer a question that I ask him and sometimes not answer at all. My other Aspie guy friend also did this which he explained that he had ADHD and I was fine with that. Most people would have probably kicked them to the curb, but their friendship means a lot to me. The second Aspie friend actually just dropped me and stopped talking. I don't even know if he's dead or alive.

I think you're making too much out of it.

I would never approach you then zeromancerlove. I can't stand any of the music in your sigline.

Sounds like someone who is completely so disorganized in her daily life she can't decide what she wants. She wants to chat and then realized she had other things to do first.

This is also a characteristic of an abuser. They will look for flaws in heir victim and pick them apart and accuse them of doing things so it's like they can never do anything right to satisfy their abuser and they have to walk on eggshells and tiptoe and watch what they do and how they behave. I am not saying this is what Factory Ten is doing because I don't know him.

When I was 15, a gray, spoiled cat named Zum Zum just about saved my life.

I don't pick her apart. Do I analyze her just as I analyze everyone I consider a friend? Yes. As I said, I've known her since we were kids but I know when she's being over-the-top nonsensical and lying. Or it could simply be as was pointed out earlier in the topic that she's just disorganized in her priorities.

As for being an abuser, I understand that you weren't accusing me but I do feel the need to say that, without launching into a woe-is-me type of life story, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

There are other examples of her behavior that I feel confirm my suspicions of her being a "mindgamer" and having histrionic PD but I'm not here to broadcast everything about her.

To Ms. Angela - I don't know if it's an Aspie thing or not because I've never really compared myself to other Aspies but I do know that I enjoy trying to figure out why people or things work a certain way. For example, as a child, I always used to wonder why I was tired and "lazy" all the time and it wasn't until I was 19 that I pulled out a DSM and after going through it realised that I'm not lazy, I dealt and deal with severe depression and anxiety that inhibited my ability to do what I needed to do. I find it compelling to make sense out of things I don't quite understand and thinking that my friend has histrionic is one such manifestation of that.



You just made me go to youtube to listen to ''Zumm Zumm'' by Django Django. A dreadful song by an otherwise great band but still catchy. DARN YOU.

All of these things we are talking about here are what really scare the hell out if me. I'm afraid to get into any relationship because I have made a decent life for myself and someone coming along could really upset my applecart. I don't need to find a man for having kids, I don't need a man for income purposes so it mainly would just be for companionship. And I've been by myself for so long now and stuck in my own ways that its going to be hard to change for someone else. I live a strange lifestyle - go to bed at weird times, eat at all different times, work on the weekends, study a lot for school. I just don't think there's room for someone else to comfortably fit into my weird routine. I sure don't want to be told when I have to go to bed and that I should make time to pick up extra shifts or I'm spending too much time studying or whatever. They sure would have to know how to entertain themselves. I really don't know what to do to be honest.

I'd argue that if the prospect of spending the rest of, or any significant part of, your life with someone doesn't scare you, there's something wrong with you. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing to be in a relationship, just that it isn't something to take lightly. So, I think being scared is "normal". Plus some of us on this thread are much younger than you and we're still trying to figure out our own stuff so don't get scared by what we're posting!

But don't give up on the possibility of romance.

I have known some women who benefited from the "friends with benefits" sort of situation. I could very well understand how this might not appeal to you.

But, if you should embark on the "friend with benefits," it is hoped that you both respect each other as good friends, at the very least.

I like to say there is always someone out there for someone, everyone has a deal breaker and they won't be the same ones we have here. When you date, you might find someone who is good for you and doesn't mind your lifestyle. I always hear how it's harder to find a partner as we get older. This could be why.

That's fine using that book to analyze yourself, but saying someone else has a disorder without them being officially diagnosed is just wrong. If anything, it's giving you a reason to think she wouldn't be a person to get to know more and possibly have a relationship with.

One thing I have to say is that its not easy to befriend someone with AS. If you really want to have a quality friendship/relationship with an Aspie, it is constant education (and vice versa for the Aspie with an NT.) If you want your "quirks" as an Aspie to be accepted, don't you think you might want to try accepting her "quirks" as an NT? Or anyone else for that matter that you are interested in (she may just not be the one for you).

Yes you are right we should all try and accept everyone because everyone has faults. That is why deal breakers are not black and white. You might meet a wonderful person but something they may keep doing is leaving toilet seat up lol so you have to just pick your battles and think "is dumping this person over a toilet seat worth the loss when in fact he respects me and really understands me and is very sensitive about my feelings and needs?" You just over look trivial stuff.

I don't think toilet seats are a big deal but I have seen women making a fuss about it online and I thought it was only on TV, not something people actually made a big deal about in the real world.