Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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Kuraudo777
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10 Nov 2015, 5:40 pm

Really? I always thought that I was going to have to be the one to initiate dates and such. I honestly don't care about statistics, since I would rather trust my instincts.


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10 Nov 2015, 6:30 pm

alex wrote:
314pe wrote:
alex wrote:
I don't really think it's easier for girls to get a date than a guy. In most cases, girls wait around for a guy to ask them out. And a lot of times it's someone she doesn't even want to go out with. A guy can simply stick to only asking out girls he's interested in and a percentage of them will agree to a date so the possibilities here are sort of limitless depending on the amount of effort exerted by the guy.

That percentage might be zero or nearly zero. Sure it's not zero for most, even for most aspies it's not, but I think it's a bit rude to say that dating is easy or that anyone can do it.


Actually, anyone can go on a date. It seems more like it's rude to say otherwise. Nothing in life is easy until you put in the work and get good at it. No one was born being able to walk. Even that was extremely hard for all of us when we were babies. Learning to walk is a huge milestone in most people's lives. But for those of us that do walk, most would agree that it's easy (obviously some people have difficulties and need wheelchairs, but they can still get from point a to b)

And in terms of the percentage being close to zero, i think it's not as close as you think. And even if it is very close to zero, that just means you need to be doing more work to get a date. And the more experience you have asking people out, the more confidence you'll have and the more likely people are going to agree to do it.




I would say that the ability to walk is an example of development rather than learning. I use the term development because the majority of us do not need to be taught how to do it, it is hardwired as is the ability to speak and use language. The brains of infants and children are rapidly growing and form new connections and certain things people pick up without having to consciously make an effort. For many NTs, that's how social *skills* are acquired. You don't learn social skills the way you learn to read and write. Manners are things that people are consciously taught because they vary from culture to culture but some people can pick them up without having to be taught.


Anyone *can* go on a date but not everyone has the same level of east/difficulty in convincing someone to go on a date with them. I've tried to explain that women are far more selective than men are about who they date, mate, and procreate with and this isn't gonna change. You just have to work at it. Some things in life DO come easy for SOME PEOPLE but not for others. People should understand that you shouldn't work *too hard* to get a date because that makes you seem desperate.....And desperation is just no attractive. Period.



314pe
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10 Nov 2015, 6:39 pm

alex wrote:
314pe wrote:
alex wrote:
I don't really think it's easier for girls to get a date than a guy. In most cases, girls wait around for a guy to ask them out. And a lot of times it's someone she doesn't even want to go out with. A guy can simply stick to only asking out girls he's interested in and a percentage of them will agree to a date so the possibilities here are sort of limitless depending on the amount of effort exerted by the guy.

That percentage might be zero or nearly zero. Sure it's not zero for most, even for most aspies it's not, but I think it's a bit rude to say that dating is easy or that anyone can do it.


Actually, anyone can go on a date. It seems more like it's rude to say otherwise. Nothing in life is easy until you put in the work and get good at it. No one was born being able to walk. Even that was extremely hard for all of us when we were babies. Learning to walk is a huge milestone in most people's lives. But for those of us that do walk, most would agree that it's easy (obviously some people have difficulties and need wheelchairs, but they can still get from point a to b)

And in terms of the percentage being close to zero, i think it's not as close as you think. And even if it is very close to zero, that just means you need to be doing more work to get a date. And the more experience you have asking people out, the more confidence you'll have and the more likely people are going to agree to do it.

Just a year ago I was sure I couldn't go on a date because nobody would want to date me. I was sure that I'm in the 1% of guys who won't ever date. I got a few good dates this year and now I'm in a relationship. It's a long distance relationship, but still. Weirdest thing is I didn't change anything about myself at all.



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10 Nov 2015, 6:42 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Girls in their 20s and 30s are statistically more likely then guys of the same age to be in relationships.

The second graph shows the number of men and woman with and without autism who are in relationships. You can view it here. http://www.rdos.net/eng/relation.pdf. Scroll down to the second.


Why is this the case?

Well if you're a young woman, you have more prospects to choose from. An example of this is that a girl on Tinder has WAY more matches then her guy counterparts. A woman on Tinder can realistically expect to get 20+ matches in a day or two.

Women also tend to be more picky in who they choose to date. A man may consider anywhere from 40-75% of women he meets within his desired age to be dateable/f***able. While women only consider anywhere from 10-25% of men they meet to be dateable/f***able. That's a big difference! This means the bottom 10-15% of men arne't getting into relationships.

Finally, men are the ones that usually do the chasing and pursuing. They're the ones that have to get her number, ask her out on a date, and impress her. All while some other guys are trying to do the same thing. Women on the other hand can be passive and still have men trying to chase her.


So yes, men in their 20s have it WAY harder getting a date then women of the same age. Anybody who says otherwise honestly has no idea what the f**k they're talking about.


This is the truth.

The one thing I will add, is that while women usually have an easier time getting dates, they also have to deal with getting hit on more often by people they're not interested in, and getting involved in more bad/abusive relationships (especially aspies). The reason why they are involved in more bad relationships, is because many guys were either desperate, and just looking for anybody, or they were more interested in their bodies, and having sex with them, and less interested in their personalities and having a good emotional connection.

What women need to remember is, guys will still hang out with you and date you, if they think that there's a chance they can get sex from you, even if they aren't totally into you.



Kuraudo777
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10 Nov 2015, 6:54 pm

My idea of a good date is watching a movie or tv, playing video games, and/or reading books together. I would not want to be escorted out to any fancy restaurant at all, because of people and fancy dress-up and weird food that I either don't like or can't eat anyway. Who's with me on this?


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kraftiekortie
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10 Nov 2015, 7:00 pm

My idea of a good date is to see a movie, eat popcorn, go to a diner to eat.

Or: go to a baseball game, eat a hot dog.

Or: go bowling, have a burger and fries, get lots of strikes and spares.

Or: go to a lecture, and discuss it amiably afterwards--without rhetorical crap. Just discuss what was said; don't try to one-up me for the sake of one-upping me.

I don't like fancy restaurants.



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10 Nov 2015, 7:01 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
My idea of a good date is watching a movie or tv, playing video games, and/or reading books together. I would not want to be escorted out to any fancy restaurant at all, because of people and fancy dress-up and weird food that I either don't like or can't eat anyway. Who's with me on this?



I am not too big on fancy restaurants either. I am more of a casual dress kind of guy.



kraftiekortie
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10 Nov 2015, 7:03 pm

I tend to equate dating statistics with toilet paper.

Both should be flushed down.



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10 Nov 2015, 7:03 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Girls in their 20s and 30s are statistically more likely then guys of the same age to be in relationships.

The second graph shows the number of men and woman with and without autism who are in relationships. You can view it here. http://www.rdos.net/eng/relation.pdf. Scroll down to the second.


Why is this the case?

Well if you're a young woman, you have more prospects to choose from. An example of this is that a girl on Tinder has WAY more matches then her guy counterparts. A woman on Tinder can realistically expect to get 20+ matches in a day or two.

Women also tend to be more picky in who they choose to date. A man may consider anywhere from 40-75% of women he meets within his desired age to be dateable/f***able. While women only consider anywhere from 10-25% of men they meet to be dateable/f***able. That's a big difference! This means the bottom 10-15% of men arne't getting into relationships.

Finally, men are the ones that usually do the chasing and pursuing. They're the ones that have to get her number, ask her out on a date, and impress her. All while some other guys are trying to do the same thing. Women on the other hand can be passive and still have men trying to chase her.


So yes, men in their 20s have it WAY harder getting a date then women of the same age. Anybody who says otherwise honestly has no idea what the f**k they're talking about.



You appear to be confusing no women willing to date YOU (attitude, negativity, things for you to rethink) with no women willing to date guys in their 20s. I work with mostly guys, mostly in 20s, many Aspies and they go on dates and have girlfriends.

You aren't every twentysomething guy.

You have a giant chip on your shoulder.

For straight 20somethings to date, requires 1 male + 1 female. Thus equal number of males + females go on dates in their 20s.

My fave cousin (a girl) has DS and dated plenty in her 20s and is now engaged to be married at 25.



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10 Nov 2015, 7:13 pm

MissBearpolar wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
Girls in their 20s and 30s are statistically more likely then guys of the same age to be in relationships.

The second graph shows the number of men and woman with and without autism who are in relationships. You can view it here. http://www.rdos.net/eng/relation.pdf. Scroll down to the second.


Why is this the case?

Well if you're a young woman, you have more prospects to choose from. An example of this is that a girl on Tinder has WAY more matches then her guy counterparts. A woman on Tinder can realistically expect to get 20+ matches in a day or two.

Women also tend to be more picky in who they choose to date. A man may consider anywhere from 40-75% of women he meets within his desired age to be dateable/f***able. While women only consider anywhere from 10-25% of men they meet to be dateable/f***able. That's a big difference! This means the bottom 10-15% of men arne't getting into relationships.

Finally, men are the ones that usually do the chasing and pursuing. They're the ones that have to get her number, ask her out on a date, and impress her. All while some other guys are trying to do the same thing. Women on the other hand can be passive and still have men trying to chase her.


So yes, men in their 20s have it WAY harder getting a date then women of the same age. Anybody who says otherwise honestly has no idea what the f**k they're talking about.



You appear to be confusing no women willing to date YOU (attitude, negativity, things for you to rethink) with no women willing to date guys in their 20s. I work with mostly guys, mostly in 20s, many Aspies and they go on dates and have girlfriends.

You aren't every twentysomething guy.

You have a giant chip on your shoulder.

For straight 20somethings to date, requires 1 male + 1 female. Thus equal number of males + females go on dates in their 20s.

My fave cousin (a girl) has DS and dated plenty in her 20s and is now engaged to be married at 25.



I don't see anywhere that he was just talking about himself. Also, you are commenting based on your own perspective. Another thing that bothers me about you post, is that you are complaining about him being negative. Have you ever been in a position where nobody wanted to date you (in many cases, for years on end)?



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10 Nov 2015, 7:19 pm

alex wrote:
314pe wrote:
alex wrote:
I don't really think it's easier for girls to get a date than a guy. In most cases, girls wait around for a guy to ask them out. And a lot of times it's someone she doesn't even want to go out with. A guy can simply stick to only asking out girls he's interested in and a percentage of them will agree to a date so the possibilities here are sort of limitless depending on the amount of effort exerted by the guy.

That percentage might be zero or nearly zero. Sure it's not zero for most, even for most aspies it's not, but I think it's a bit rude to say that dating is easy or that anyone can do it.


Actually, anyone can go on a date. It seems more like it's rude to say otherwise. Nothing in life is easy until you put in the work and get good at it. No one was born being able to walk. Even that was extremely hard for all of us when we were babies. Learning to walk is a huge milestone in most people's lives. But for those of us that do walk, most would agree that it's easy (obviously some people have difficulties and need wheelchairs, but they can still get from point a to b)

And in terms of the percentage being close to zero, i think it's not as close as you think. And even if it is very close to zero, that just means you need to be doing more work to get a date. And the more experience you have asking people out, the more confidence you'll have and the more likely people are going to agree to do it.


A relationship isn't for everyone I guess, good luck playing the numbers game being on the spectrum and having an anxiety disorder like many of us do. Self esteem is in the tank, how are you suppose to take rejection and the non-stop neuroticism? I feel like people that can be rejected hundreds of times before getting a favorable response to be sociopaths or something, I don't get it. It's never easy, maybe for you it is easy but nobody knows my name and not for most people here it being seemingly impossible almost. If your not a functioning person, if you are just trying to keep your s**t together then realistically nobody will want to be with you. Most people will not be in relationship with somebody that is "disabled", there are honestly probably more people that would rather wipe us from the gene pool if they had the choice or opportunity. It's just pointless.



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10 Nov 2015, 7:49 pm

MissBearpolar wrote:
darkphantomx1 wrote:
Girls in their 20s and 30s are statistically more likely then guys of the same age to be in relationships.

The second graph shows the number of men and woman with and without autism who are in relationships. You can view it here. http://www.rdos.net/eng/relation.pdf. Scroll down to the second.


Why is this the case?

Well if you're a young woman, you have more prospects to choose from. An example of this is that a girl on Tinder has WAY more matches then her guy counterparts. A woman on Tinder can realistically expect to get 20+ matches in a day or two.

Women also tend to be more picky in who they choose to date. A man may consider anywhere from 40-75% of women he meets within his desired age to be dateable/f***able. While women only consider anywhere from 10-25% of men they meet to be dateable/f***able. That's a big difference! This means the bottom 10-15% of men arne't getting into relationships.

Finally, men are the ones that usually do the chasing and pursuing. They're the ones that have to get her number, ask her out on a date, and impress her. All while some other guys are trying to do the same thing. Women on the other hand can be passive and still have men trying to chase her.


So yes, men in their 20s have it WAY harder getting a date then women of the same age. Anybody who says otherwise honestly has no idea what the f**k they're talking about.



You appear to be confusing no women willing to date YOU (attitude, negativity, things for you to rethink) with no women willing to date guys in their 20s. I work with mostly guys, mostly in 20s, many Aspies and they go on dates and have girlfriends.

You aren't every twentysomething guy.

You have a giant chip on your shoulder.

For straight 20somethings to date, requires 1 male + 1 female. Thus equal number of males + females go on dates in their 20s.

My fave cousin (a girl) has DS and dated plenty in her 20s and is now engaged to be married at 25.




I know this isn't very flattering to hear but it's often said that "men age like wine, women age like milk". I don't buy it but a lot of other people do. A woman's desirability peaks in her 20s but when she hits her 30s and beyond, her attractiveness to men often begins to fade. That's not to say there are plenty of gorgeous ladies in their 30s and 40s(and some even in their 50s but that's pushing it), but most single men have a strong preference for youth in women so it becomes tougher for women who are middle aged because they have to compete with younger women who are less experienced.

Also, I'm not convinced that more women in their 30s are in relationships than men in their 30s. A lot of women who do get married or pair off in their 20s often end up getting divorced or breaking up with their partners when they're in their 30s and many 30something single females have a lot of baggage: Children from previous partners and jadedness, even resentment towards men because of being hurt by their past lovers. But for 20-somethings, women in that age range are at the peak of their desirability and take advantage of this to be very selective of the men they date. Besides, a lot of young women in their 20s prefer to date older men than guys their own age so that makes it really tough for male 20 somethings! Being young is VERY hard on Aspie men in all areas of life because they are unable to compete socially with their peers so they miss out on a lot of social opportunities whereas for many, many NT women it's the best time in their life.



kraftiekortie
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10 Nov 2015, 7:54 pm

Let me tell you folks something:

I've seen women in their 60s who are so attractive that I feel like going to bed with them. There's a certain elegance to some of these women which drives me stark raving mad!

It's how you carry yourself, even more than how good-looking you are.



Kuraudo777
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10 Nov 2015, 7:59 pm

I'm seventeen and I look like I'm ten or eleven.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Nov 2015, 8:04 pm

I think you're doing a smart thing, Kuraudo, by not having sex with people right now.

You'll know when you're ready. In the meantime, just do your thing. Be happy. Learn stuff.

It's actually dangerous for a man to make love to a woman who is not ready.



Kuraudo777
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10 Nov 2015, 8:08 pm

Well, I'm asexual anyway, and I actually think that seventeen is a much too young age to start dating at.
Yeah! I learn lots of things every day! :D


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