Dating in your 30s

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Childhood friendships belong in childhood, or never at all if your parents exercised their unquestionable right not to let you have them.

A big part of the purpose of things considered "romantic" in your thirties is probably to weed out those of us who are still trying to do what we should have done as little kids or, failing that, given up on entirely.

I'm still holding out for a woman who's in the same boat I am, who feels it's never too late to give up on this. I mean, I kind of have to, because otherwise I have to settle for someone whom I don't want to be with, and who probably doesn't want to be with me either.

I'm in my 30s and single more often than I'm in a relationship, because I'm super picky (and much happier being single than being in a "meh" relationship). So go find a woman who's super picky and only really interested in someone like you.

I hate getting dating advice in my 30s. It feels oppressive and counterproductive to life as I know it. How would I find the people and things I want if I feel like I am flawed and my desires are misguided?

I so understand that. It's so patronising. And everyone has a different opinion and gets offended when you don't take their particular advice.

You're better of single, you'll be unhappy in a relationship. Haven't you met anyone yet? It's better to be unhappily singly than it is to be unhappily married. I wish you would find someone, I don't like to see you on your own. You should flirt more. Do not flirt, you don't want a reputation. Be more assertive and let men know that you are interested. Don't be assertive, men like to chase. Don't look like a slut you want a good man. Show more skin, be attractive.

I just ignore it all and try and be myself. That isn't working for me, but at least I am true to who I am.

Well, what use is rejecting the feeling that you're flawed and your desires are laughably unattainable if that is the truth?

Because it might not be the truth. You may be depressed or have really how self esteem which distorts your perception of your value, much like an anorexic who thinks that they are too fat, when they are not.

Even the most NT people may lack Theory of mind.

I have a coworker who sociable, tall, very handsome, almost celeb-like, and keeps lecture others on how to make women talk to him (I did witness women approaching him).
He once told us that he take his dog to pubs (with outdoor tables) on saturday nights, make women appraoch him to cuddle the dog and therefore to ask him about the dog and son...- he does not really realize that those women are approaching him and using the dog as a pretext because he, the human not the dog, is attractive.

His advice wouldn't work on others, I have seen plenty of average guys walking dogs to those pubs, and no one approaches them.
I have also seen once a woman approaches him when he's without his dog.

I'd much rather be in a unhappy relationship then single.

I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. Trust me...you think you feel alone when you're single? Try being in an unhealthy relationship with someone where you could never make them happy, no matter what you did...where your opinion never matters, where everything is your fault, etc.

Never again...

I doubt you really mean what you say here. I'm guessing what you really mean is that you would rather have had a few short-term relationships that involved genuine attraction on both sides, but that ended in (possibly bad) breakups than have never had any.

Relationships, even short-term ones, provide something important, and that is an example of human connection (and sexuality) that exists outside one's own head (where us aspies tend to get stuck). However, a "relationship" where one or both people is very unsatisfied won't provide this sort of experience. I know because a few times years ago I accepted women who were interested in me just out of desperation to have some sexual experience, and while these situations relieved some basic curiosity, all in all they were very un-fulfilling. Since I had neither romantic nor sexual attraction to these women, they were just effectively poor replacements for the partners I actually wanted, and I had to pretend to myself I was actually attracted to them. In reality, had I rejected them, I would have avoided hurting their feelings and would only be slightly worse off than I am now. Also, I could have learned something from just being friends with these women.

It means you're at least good enough to get them, rather than a complete failure as a living being.

If my relationship doesn't work out (which seems likely) I probably won't ever have a chance of finding someone compatible to spend the rest of my life with.

I can't imagine somebody wanting to deal with me and all of my problems. Plus men seem to typically want much younger women. I'd have to date someone 20 + years older, who would probably be in poor health and kick the bucket well before I did. Longevity runs in the family, so I'd be a lonely old lady until I died sometime past the age of 100, most likely.

Yes, this is a pessimistic viewpoint, but I'm not going to fool myself into expecting anything better.

Maybe I'll just go off into the woods and live as a hermit for the rest of my life. Then I can avoid facing reality.

Yeah, I decided a couple of years ago that I will just go out with whoever asks me next just to give them a chance... After making that decision, no interest, tumbleweed.

I was last asked out about 10 years ago by someone I thought was boring, but I regret it now. He wasn't good looking, but he was a genuine, decent person and now that I'm older I realise that is what I need. He's married with kids now.

I am starting to believe that it's true that women generally become less picky with age.

That probably explains why I find it easier to date women in their 40s.

My standards didn't really change because they aren't high anyway; I have simply a bar minimum which is not bigot, not racist, not fanatist, not too insane and not obese, and that's it really.

Hm, I can't demand the last two, as I don't meet them myself. I'm going to try as hard as my pseudo-job lets me (they resent it if I don't eat with them, or eat too little, like just two apples) to get rid of my obesity once and for all, now that, at least, my parents aren't around to stop me. But this is likely to pour whatever little sanity I have left down the drain, together with my lard.