Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Feeling undatable

Page 7 of 21 [ 331 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ... 21  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Nist498
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2015
Age: 44
Posts: 514
Location: Arkansas

18 Jan 2016, 4:25 pm

I second that, I would be lucky to have either of you for a date to say nothing of being a significant other. You have plenty of positive qualities slw1990 and the person out there for you will see that. We all have moments where we don't look or feel attractive. To the person for us, that isn't a problem. They will love you for the good things and work with you on the bad things and vice versa. Keep at it and I know you'll find someone.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 4/22/16

All magic comes with a price! - Rumplestiltskin


AuroraBorealisGazer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,082
Location: Fluidic Space

18 Jan 2016, 11:09 pm

You two are sweet :)



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

19 Jan 2016, 12:15 am

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
What's the problem with being undateable? It helps you avoid dating, and there's a general consensus that those who can't get dates have absolutely no reason to think there's anything wrong with not dating, so there's no point in trying to change the situation.


Some people want someone a committed relationship, others do not.


Hey, I do want one, too, but, since when is wanting something a reason to get it?


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


AuroraBorealisGazer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,082
Location: Fluidic Space

19 Jan 2016, 12:19 am

Spiderpig wrote:
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
What's the problem with being undateable? It helps you avoid dating, and there's a general consensus that those who can't get dates have absolutely no reason to think there's anything wrong with not dating, so there's no point in trying to change the situation.


Some people want someone a committed relationship, others do not.


Hey, I do want one, too, but, since when is wanting something a reason to get it?


Huh? :?
I don't understand.



autismthinker21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: illinois

19 Jan 2016, 12:22 am

slw1990 wrote:
I think there's just something about me that just pushes guys away. I think there's some quality other girls have that I just don't have.


many people are pushed away. bothers you that much, maybe find what is making all the guys walk away. what do i know. i only been around certain amount of girls that gave me nothing but a headache anyway.


_________________
In order to be free, you must take your chances of letting your tortured self to be forgiven.


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

19 Jan 2016, 1:21 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think those very thoughts you express cause you to give off a non-confident expression.


I don't know. Even when I feel happy and confident people still feel sorry for me and target me instead of treating me like an equal. I don't really care much for the people that do this, but sometimes I think a guy I would like might be put off for the same reason why some other people bully and pity me.



Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,971

19 Jan 2016, 1:37 am

This is one of the drawbacks of the online world. On the forum all we've got is your story in a written form. It reduces any attempt at understanding and providing insight to mere speculation. Knowing you in person would make it a lot easier to properly assess the situation but clearly that's not an option here. Perhaps you'd find more luck talking to a therapist of some kind?



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

19 Jan 2016, 2:01 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
This is one of the drawbacks of the online world. On the forum all we've got is your story in a written form. It reduces any attempt at understanding and providing insight to mere speculation. Knowing you in person would make it a lot easier to properly assess the situation but clearly that's not an option here. Perhaps you'd find more luck talking to a therapist of some kind?


I've gone to therapists before and when I would ask for feedback they usually weren't very honest because it seemed like a lot of them would sugar coat and not get into very many details so it wouldn't help me very much. There have also been some who would pressure me to take antidepressants, but wouldn't really give me much advice on the problems that were causing me to feel depressed.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

19 Jan 2016, 2:19 am

slw1990 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think those very thoughts you express cause you to give off a non-confident expression.


I don't know. Even when I feel happy and confident people still feel sorry for me and target me instead of treating me like an equal. I don't really care much for the people that do this, but sometimes I think a guy I would like might be put off for the same reason why some other people bully and pity me.

Target and bully :(

Hugs.



DinnerPlate
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 17 Jan 2016
Age: 41
Posts: 33

19 Jan 2016, 7:36 am

slw1990 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think those very thoughts you express cause you to give off a non-confident expression.


I don't know. Even when I feel happy and confident people still feel sorry for me and target me instead of treating me like an equal. I don't really care much for the people that do this, but sometimes I think a guy I would like might be put off for the same reason why some other people bully and pity me.


How, exactly, do folks demonstrate they feel sorry for you? How do folks not treat you like an equal? Why are you friends with folks who do this to you?



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

19 Jan 2016, 2:59 pm

sly279 wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think those very thoughts you express cause you to give off a non-confident expression.


I don't know. Even when I feel happy and confident people still feel sorry for me and target me instead of treating me like an equal. I don't really care much for the people that do this, but sometimes I think a guy I would like might be put off for the same reason why some other people bully and pity me.

Target and bully :(

Hugs.


As a male, being unable to successfully defend myself from bullies is one of the many reasons I've never felt I qualified for dating. I can't blame a woman for wanting nothing to do with a man who wouldn't be able to stop other men from harassing her, feeling her up tauntingly in front of him, or outright raping her, and who would only get badly beaten up and humiliated and laughed at even more when he desperately tried to.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

19 Jan 2016, 7:34 pm

DinnerPlate wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I think those very thoughts you express cause you to give off a non-confident expression.


I don't know. Even when I feel happy and confident people still feel sorry for me and target me instead of treating me like an equal. I don't really care much for the people that do this, but sometimes I think a guy I would like might be put off for the same reason why some other people bully and pity me.


How, exactly, do folks demonstrate they feel sorry for you? How do folks not treat you like an equal? Why are you friends with folks who do this to you?


They act depressed and serious when they talk to me and also feel like they need to reassure me more than they do other people so it makes it seem like they feel sorry for me. A few also do things like invade my personal space. I'm not friends with the people who do this and I don't really care much for them. I'm around these people because I have to be, but I do try to keep my distance from the ones who treat me that way.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Jan 2016, 7:42 pm

Why do you have to be around these people who do these things to you? Are they members of your family?

You seem nice. I wish you didn't feel like you do.



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

19 Jan 2016, 7:57 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Why do you have to be around these people who do these things to you? Are they members of your family?

You seem nice. I wish you didn't feel like you do.


Not really. A few people I work with are like that and there's also some random people in different situations who treat me that way.

Thank you. :)



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

21 Jan 2016, 4:56 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Huh? :?
I don't understand.


What exactly don't you understand?


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


AuroraBorealisGazer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,082
Location: Fluidic Space

21 Jan 2016, 5:31 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
What's the problem with being undateable? It helps you avoid dating, and there's a general consensus that those who can't get dates have absolutely no reason to think there's anything wrong with not dating, so there's no point in trying to change the situation.


Some people want someone a committed relationship, others do not.


Hey, I do want one, too, but, since when is wanting something a reason to get it?


Huh? :?
I don't understand.


Spiderpig wrote:
What exactly don't you understand?


It seemed like you were saying that not dating was a good thing. So I was just pointing out that not everyone may feel that way. Your response confused me because the first half seemed to contradict what you had said about dating. The latter half would make sense if I had said "people were entitled to relationships," but since I didn't (and I don't believe that/or feel entitled) I am confused about where it came from. I hope you didn't take my original comment personally, or read in between the lines, because it was a really just a general statement.