Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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My sexuality is not confused and I know I like girls, but that fact that you doubted about it doesn't upset me. And even if it were confused and for some reason I liked Kyle there would be nothing to be ashamed about it.

Besides your argument is not correct, if someone gets offended over something that's not offensive and starts going nuts, then it is their problem not yours and you don't owe then an apology. Your argument is only valid is the thing is actually offensive, but this is not the case.

Honestly you were not the only person ranting, so how do you know that I was referring to you? I was referring to some other user. Also you're a guy and I only shove things into girls' mouths.

We don't know you and we don't know if you would say it. I don't see why you're so mad, he didn't ask you if you're a rapist or a nazi. Being confused about sexuality is nothing bad, it can happen.

I wouldn't say that my outlook is nearly that jaded, but life certainly can be broken up into phases.

I've asked people if their heterosexuality/homosexuality is just a phase, it almost never provokes hostility, but then again, I would never ask someone that kind of question if I knew it would provoke hostility.

Yeah, same here. My sexuality gets questioned an awful lot these days, mostly by my family, of which my Mother is leading the charge.

I also believe it's trivial, though I am confident enough in my sexuality that being questioned about it doesn't bother me.

An excellent first Post, I agree wholeheartedly.



Hello everyone, my name is Idealist.

Hey Idealist.

Yeah, heh, thanks.
Anyway I just wanted to say that I am a Bisexual young man, and that "wilburforce" does not speak for me or the rest of the Bisexual Community. Even as Bisexual, I myself can not speak for our Community, but I will say that neither I nor any of my Bisexual friends would be offended if someone asked if our sexuality is a phase. To further spell it out, we would not consider it rude, ignorant or homophobic to be asked such questions. Most of us would likely take the question at face value, regardless of what the askers motivations may have been to ask the question. This is because we are confident in our sexuality, and if we weren't confident enough to stand up against such questions without taking offense, just lends credence to their question in the first place.

Rudeness is subjective.

Except you had someone else (and now me) saying the exact opposite, that it isn't rude in our culture.

Now that I do agree with.

Now I fervently disagree with this.

It is only questioning the world everything within it that we can ever hope to learn from it and achieve a true and comprehensive understanding of all great this of this our planet Earth and the human race that flourish under it's sheltering atmosphere.

That is very condescending, and from my POV, extremely inaccurate advice.

I'd say it's more of an individual Community/Culture/Sub-culture thing, but in the cases of small townships and smaller settlements, it can certainly be geographically inclined.

Indeed.

If this wasn't an Autistic Forum, I'd swear that there was something more insidious going on within the background.

It takes a big man to apologize to something that they don't need to apologize for, don't let anyone tell you anything less.

Indeed.

Now all you need to do is get an apology from DevilKisses, Grammar Geek, and wilburforce. For daring to speak for entire culture, and being proven wrong about it... They have much to answer for.

Aw...

Before you even think about thanking me for being on your side, know that I am most definitely not on your side.

I'm on the side of logic and reason.

DevilKisses, Grammar Geek, and wilburforce, have offended the entire Bisexual Community by deigning to speak for them, indeed, speaking on the behalf of any Community that hasn't given you the explicit permission to do so, is offensive. And I as a Member of that Community take personal offense at the actions of DevilKisses, Grammar Geek, and wilburforce. Who having decided on their own that we actually need someone to step up for us, and then proceed to sell off their own personal opinions as cold hard inarguable facts.

Such a disgusting display is beyond offensive, it is irredeemably offensive, and makes my blood boil with rage.

BUT!

This is an Autistic Forum, and those three do have Autism, it doesn't excuse what they've done, and it doesn't bring me any closer to forgiving what they've done. However, I can least understand why they've acted the way they have. Their offensive views are not born from malice or ill intent, their just inexperienced of how things really are in the world. That you can't needlessly throw words like "everyone" around and expect them to be correct without first doing considerable research, and even then, all it takes is one person within your frame of "everyone" to say otherwise and their statement is destroyed.

I wouldn't see a problem with the question either, so long as my answer is taken seriously and they don't follow up on it

"Are you sure it's just a phase?"

"No, it's not. I know I am Bisexual."

"But, are you sure you're sure? Have you ever dated another man yet?"

"No, but I still believe I most definitely am Bisexual. As I do have an attraction to males."

"But, you've never tried it with men, how could you know?" (this is the point where I would start to get very annoyed and frustrated, and find the other person's behavior extremely rude, as my sexuality is my personal business in the first place and not something to intrude on in such a way).

But maybe I wouldn't see a problem with it because I AM at the age where it may just be considered a 'phase' and such. Well, I have been since at least 12, and realized at 14. So maybe things could change, who knows...

Unless they outright deny your sexuality, which is something to take offensively, then questions are just questions.

I have to do a lot of forward and back with my Mother before she eventually relents, then she'll casually talk to me about my latest sexual exploits while dealing out cosmetic and fashion advice as though nothing had ever happened.

No, what matters here is not what society deems offensive but what an individual finds offensive. If someone tells you they find what you say to be offensive to them then YES, it *is* offensive. Are you actually that dense?

@Idealist: Agreed, but there comes a point where you can predict if a person will continue asking questions or just accept your answer and leave it be.

If I predict someone's going to keep asking personal questions like that, it's a sign to me they aren't taking what I say seriously. If I continue to say 'Yes, I'm bisexual', then I feel they should stop asking and leave it at that, and would not be afraid to tell them this.

Also, it does depend on who is asking.

If a friend can't take 'No, I don't think it's a phase. I do think I'm bisexual' at least two times for an answer, I'm going to get frustrated with them.

I just personally don't enjoy being asked private information repeatedly and the person won't take my hints and bugger off about it (short responses, trying to change the subject, etc.)

"It's just a phase" is something that's sometimes said to asexuals too. It only really becomes offensive when people keep repeating and insisting it even after corrected. The first time is just ignorance and not so offensive. More offensive are those who claim asexuality is a made up excuse for not being able to "get any". Male asexuals commonly get virgin-shamed as if they want/need sex.

No, thanks.

Alright, just ignore my allegedly offensive posts and answer the OP's question, dammit.

What you say makes absolutely no sense. OP was attacked by people who found it offensive that he used the expression "get a girlfriend", according to your reasoning they would be right.

Stop being so touchy.

I'm not being *touchy*. I'm pointing out that the OP was offended by you suggesting that his bisexuality was merely a "phase" and that in general, questioning peoples integrity when they inform you about their sexuality, particularly when you have not even the slightest reason to doubt their claim(based on what they actually do), tends to piss people off.


The person who called him out on using the phrase "getting a girlfriend" was a TROLL trying to start drama. All that GrammarGeek did is say he didn't appreciate your comment. Quit being so defensive and find something better to do.

I think you didn't read the thread much. First off it was not me who started anything, and secondly Kyle was not suggesting that OP is going through a phase, he merely asked him. I think it is apparent that people here overreacted, some other asexuals too seem to agree.

Katy said it first but other people came along and agreed with her.
I am not being defensive, I am stating the truth. What I do or I don't do in my free time is none of your business and I would like you to stop using this bossy tone with me.

Last edited by Peacesells on 29 Feb 2016, 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In all honesty, I think this is a big part of your problem. For some reason, most(read >50%) straight women are really turned off by male bisexuality. Keep in mind that bisexuality is not only less common in men than women, but in general if you're a bisexual man a lot of folks assume you're gay but not completely out of the closet.

I don't doubt that a lot of bi guys generally shag men more than women because gay men don't care what you are as long as they find you sexually attractive. Bisexuals are assumed to be non-monogamous, because if you're attracted to both sexes then the flawed logic goes you need at least 2 partners(one male one female) to be satisfied. Bisexual women are often sought after by straight men because they think that it makes it easier for them to sleep with multiple women since if their gf has a gf they can have a threesome.

So I say if you're bi and you want a girlfriend, you should pursue bisexual women.

ya, I really wonder how and when guys get the social training that is essential, imperative for attracting girls, getting a girlfriend, i'd imagine its the teen years, but specifically I wonder how they did it, I know it's pointless to think about it since it is the past, but still, if I have a son someday, that way he doesn't go through the torturous loneliness like I did

I think in many cases that "training" can be summed up easily: "Just leave girls alone; you don't have what it takes for them to be interested in you by a long shot, and never will".

If you're going to make dating mistakes, making them young is a good idea. What's goofy and over-enthusiastic at 14 is flat-out creepy stalker behavior at 25.