Response to thread in women's section.

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Sly is a tall man of average looks. I've seen his picture.

He's not a monstrosity. He's not ugly. He's regular-looking.

Okay, I must admit that I did not read through 7 pages of posts. And perhaps the OP was just ranting, I'm not sure. But in the case that he wasn't just ranting and this was a genuine confusion.....I think you are misunderstanding what women mean by "financially stable". They don't just mean that a man is earning and spending consistently (like earning $2 and spending $2 as you mentioned). They mean that not only his income, but his stored up money (from saving and not spending $150K after earning 100K, as you mentioned) is strong enough to weather the many unexpected and accumulating expenses that life in the US, at least, can incur. There are people who are very fine jobs who will suddenly have a medical condition that insurance can't totally cover, and then that wipes them out financially. Or they have kids with a lot of medical issues, or they just want to afford more than the bare minimum, they want to avoid credit card debt. These are sad things that can happen, so when the seek financial stability, they are thinking of planning ahead for a comfortable life at best and survival at worst - survival with one's own money, rather than going into heaps of debt. I think this is a very practical thing when people seek financial stability, and most men and women that I know both seek this for themselves, and they seek a partner who shares those same values. Bottom line is, if you can't offer this kind of financial stability, then don't seek women who want it - limit yourself to women who are less concerned about it, and is instead more interested in what you do have to offer her in other ways. There's no point in trying to date someone when you aren't offering what they are looking for - both people would just be miserable.

I'm not sure if that's completely true. I suffer from that depression and wanted desperately to be in a relationship. Im in a relationship now but still suffer from it

I'm just saying there is a difference between the kind of depression Sly is describing and the kind that makes it almost impossible to work or do anything. I've had severe depression for years on end (I'm 35 years old) and I don't think Sly is to that point.

I hate talking about people in the third person, but I'm guessing the biggest problem for Sly is lack of something to focus on. I think this is a major problem for aspies in the modern world. We are wired to be passionate. We have intense interests and intense focus. Unfortunately, the world doesn't provide a good focus for us. We are forced to do unfulfilling work that doesn't really engage us. With nothing positive to focus on, it's really easy to begin to focus on very negative things.

^ That makes perfect sense to me and I see your point about the depression. Ive suffered since I was 14 (around the same time I was diagnosed with high functioning autism and lots of other stuff was going on). I'm not 21 and still have days I can't leave my room

I do not believe there is such a thing as financially stable in the middle class anymore. Everyone's hanging on a thread these days (unless you are wealthy).

I don't think you were being insensitive alliekit, and your advice has been useful, I was just saying some may not accept it.

In my experiences some people in relationships tend to be less likely to help their single friends.

When my male friends and I are all single, we work together to find girlfriends rather than leave it up to ourselves.

Two poor friends can also work together and co-operate. They can open a business together or otherwise find some other way for mutual benefits.

But all a rich friend can give to their poor friend is advice.

Sometimes a rich friend may not even want to hand a job position (even a low one) to their friend.

"They are my friend, but I worked hard to earn the spot I'm in right now, and I'm not giving them any free-handouts."

Likewise, two lonely, depressed friends might actually find joy in complaining and hating the world together, maybe even going so far as to hang out with each other and getting wasted or high together to rid themselves of their pains - misery loves company.

Meanwhile, a happy friend could never find interest in getting all moody and depressed with their miserable friends.

So sometimes it's good to have friends at the same success level as yourself, because then even if you have friends, if they're all happy positive successful people, they don't want to pull dead weight such as yourself and you'll only feel even more lonely because they don't want to hang out with someone depressed.

So being friends with other miserable people can actually sometimes bring happiness, as you're not alone.

"But even having a loving girlfriend may improve him it will not be a complete cure due to the damage done. It may take time even after or he may need some counciling..."

Like I've said before, that slight improvement could be all the difference, and for all we know could be the actual push of encouragement some people need to begin their path of self-improvement.

What's self-improvement if you can only satisfy yourself?

Not everyone can be happy purely by their own opinion and no one else's, and sometimes, this isn't actually a good thing because some people become over-confident and arrogant in themselves if they've got no one to take them back to reality.

BOO:

I think I know which user you're talking about with the cat picture. She mentioned being very attractive but still very lonely, correct? And...yeah...I did see that change to happiness as well once she found a relationship...

"I hate talking about people in the third person, but I'm guessing the biggest problem for Sly is lack of something to focus on."

Lol, I'm not as depressed as Sly, but still am, and do have things to focus on.

I've got a lot of free time as it is and spend it enjoying my hobbies and interests. When I'm not doing that, I'm going to a social group for disabled people 2 days a week and volunteer 1-2 days a week. I'm currently not studying so I don't have to worry about any stupid homework or assignments, and I'm close to disability pension so no need to look for work and not getting pressured by the government.

Still miserably lonely due to no relationship and friends living far away.

So, I guess step 1 for Sly is to focus on positive things, hobbies and interests, and if he's still unhappy, well, what was the point of all that time on his hobbies and interests if he's still miserably lonely?

I enjoy life on my hobbies and interests, I've learnt to have so much fun alone in my room. Just me and my games and the internet, and my sports and weightlifting gear, and food (I eat lots as part of my workout plan). I am a musician, I'm training myself to be a good swimmer, I occasionally write.

Sometimes, finding friends and a relationship should, or can, be step 1 instead of step 2.

Sometimes good friends is what helps you find positive things to do, because there's about a million more things to do that are fun with others than alone.

Having friends = going out, eating out, sports if you have athletic friends, gaming sessions, bar-going, clubbing, etc.

These are all positive things that take you away from your daily worries and stress, and are social rather than anti-social.

Most people I come across who enjoy their solitude usually have the option of switching back and forth between socially active and socially inactive.

As in, they already have plenty of friends in their life that choosing to be alone actually makes them feel better and not worse.

Those that don't have a choice and are simply lonely, typically do want a social life.

Sly, I think there is nothing wrong with that. Just because one woman says it's your problem, doesn't mean we all think that way. I know how superficial society is and I believe you when you say you are being mistreated. People can be very cruel and they just don't care. Can I ask how you are going about meeting women? Is it through a dating site, or just people you bump into while at work? And can I ask if you have ever thought about going back to get your GED?

I don't mean to be harsh, but I think if you are having issues with people, then you should not give them the time of day. I think you should focus more on yourself and making sure you feel alright in your own skin. The world has a way of beating everyone down, especially aspies. Sometimes when I deal with too many people I just want to take a break for a few days to recuperate, but then I realize that I don't really care about them or what they think and it makes me feel better.

Yes, women are mean. And manipulative, and vindictive. Most of the ones I've met in my life have been that way.

Another true fact- those women who place so much importance on money and status of men usually end up losing their marketplace value by the time they hit 30, and end up getting divorced and tossed out for a younger, newer version. Life has a way of evening out things, even if you do not see it as equal now.

Bit of a generalization! This is offensive, not all of us are this way. I dispise being described in this fashion. Men can be very mean too, all people can. There's not one gender more mean than the other

It's war again.

These sexist generalizations are getting tiring. This thread was started so that he could complain about women, and blame his lack of dates on women being too picky, and not liking poor men. Why is anyone even humoring him?

This is like a constant theme. Complaining about not having a woman for ages, which eventually led to angry rants about women, because he now thinks it's women's fault that he gets rejected. That's ridiculous. I don't feel sorry for a person who is taking out his anger over his own problems on other people.

How is this thread still up!! !

Its really staring to get to me! I can't deal with a whole thread made just to attack me and my views

Check the Report button, it's usable.

It's already been resported

I'm sorry alliekit


I never meant it as attacking you

I think everything I wanted to point out has been covered by the first two members that replied.
And dude, seriously, leave the women's section alone.