Still haven't found a girlfriend

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What places are the best for meeting friends and gaining a friendship? I don't live in the city and live in the country so its quite difficult to go to any nights out?

EXACTLY. That's exactly what's wrong with conventional dating models. Ineffective and self-destructive. And I think most of us are "trained" to go that route. To be honest, that's every relationship I've been in. I ended up in a relationship that lasted several years for the wrong reasons. I just didn't think another girl would want me, so I held on. Things got BAD, and other girls noticed me in the meantime. So I cheated. NOT GOOD. Finally I couldn't take her abuse anymore and broke up with her. I quickly moved into a rebound with a friend I had some history with, and that fizzled. Then there were two girls in bad relationships who were emotionally in the same place I was in. At this time I developed a nasty habit of "negging" which, trust me, you should never do if you want anything meaningful. After that, I learned to be more selective about the girls I dated and not take rejection too hard. My confidence improved and I wasn't quite so bitter in my attitude towards women. I also became a lot less emotional about the whole thing, which really helped.

The main thing is to not look at every single girl as a LTR. You can't lazer-focus on girls like that or you'll set yourself up for ugliness. Dial back the emotions, get to know as many girls as you can without any unnecessary attachments, and then just let nature take its course.

Aaah, ok. You have a problem with independence.

I grew up in the American South and currently live in the Mississippi Delta. It's a unique region. There's a country song you need to search on Youtube called Waitin On Joe by Steve Azar, a good friend of mine. The beginning is narrated by Morgan Freeman...NOT an acquaintance of mine, but I've been to one of his nightclubs where the house band was Super Chikun...whose keyboard player IS a good personal friend of mine. Anyway, I digress. Look up that song and you'll get a good image of what Delta life is all about.

Getting back to the point, poverty around here forces people to be dependent on government programs and debt accumulation, which increases poverty and dependence. It's a combined poverty and debt cycle. What happens out here is the poverty/dependence becomes so ingrained into Delta culture that people look at you as some kind of traitor for trying to escape it. Which isn't all that difficult, you just have to be proactive. What girls out here do is hook up with whatever man wants to use them, get them drunk/high, promise them an easy life, and then they end up pregnant. The man abandons them after that, and she becomes permanently dependent on government assistance. They get paid more assistance for more children, more for children with disabilities, and the cycle repeats with every generation. Men don't really have many options beyond pimping, dope dealing, money laundering, or any off-the-books work they can do with help from gangs or clicks.

So, where I live, you can't pick up dates or make friends without understanding that because you have an urban/rural mindset that doesn't encourage independence. To overcome that, you have to move up the system. Social work, public health, HIV treatment, medical field, legal field (lawyers make BANK out here), SSA, etc. is where you want to be. All those rich people taking care of poor people need nice places to live, so there is modest money to be made in real estate. Public schools are short on teachers, so you make BANK as a public educator. The kids are awful (thugs, prostitutes), so those rich people need GOOD private schools for their kids. So there's always a need for teachers in private schools also. Everyone needs a ride, so there's never a shortage for good used car salesmen, mechanics to fix 'em, towing services for breakdowns, and repo, er, excuse me, RECOVERY services when people can't make payments on their Escalades. You need people running the bars on the 1st and 3rd days of the month, plus every Friday/Saturday night, and they'll want entertainment. You need card dealers and armed security at the casinos. And on Sunday, you need bi-vocational ministers in the churches for people who want to repent and get involved in social activism.

I strongly object to the culture of dependence so I avoid it. I don't play in bars like I used to, and my current band is very upscale. You open yourself to more options that way.

So, what this has to do with you...

You need more independence. I know you are in college studying for a job in travel, etc. How do you get to class, or is it entirely online study?

Is there a way for you to get a job? I used to work part time, min wage at a radio station and later at McDonald's. Start with an entry-level job like that and pocket everything you possibly can. Get a co-worker to get you a ride everyday and work the same shift, split the fuel money down the middle or whatever you agree is fair. Learn to drive and get your license. Once you save up the equivalent of $4k, buy a used junker so you can drive yourself to work and break your dependence on someone else for your ride. It will also help you keep more of your own money since you don't have buy someone else's fuel.

Save up another $4k so you can buy another car in case your junker breaks down. Maintain your emergency fund so you can stay independent when (not if) things go wrong.

Things WILL go wrong, btw. I once bought a McMansion on nothing more than a teacher's salary. Everything was fine until the A/C broke, a leak ruined our floor, and local thugs started vandalizing our house. We were constantly broke because we only had enough income to pay loans and nothing else. Life WILL suck. Just how bad it will suck will depend on how prepared you are.

And the more independent you are, the less life will suck. Learn to drive. Get a job. Save money. Buy a cheap car. Build up an emergency fund. Always pay in cash.

These same factors will also help you meet girls.

How did I meet girls out in the country? Again, remember, I grew up in the rural American South. The only girls I ever saw on a regular basis were quasi-distant cousins. In fact, I almost married my cousin (by marriage, not a blood relative!! !). Where I grew up it was hard to meet someone you WEREN'T related to somehow or another. I was sent to a private school, so most of the affluent "city-girls" never were interested in me, and the kinds of girls who WOULD have been good matches went to the rural public school.

But when I wasn't in school, I had a lot of fun with some of the local girls by sneaking them behind my grandfather's barn! I know, sounds like a stereotypical redneck country song, but that was just life. I grew up with a more cosmopolitan outlook than my backwoods peers and don't really belong where I live. But as long as you are stuck with a rural existence, that's going to be the best you can do.

I'm not telling you to date your cousins. I'm saying you need to be more independent. Otherwise, your best bets for dates will be churches, convenience stores, and family reunions.

I Get to college by bus but no buses run after 6pm

That's a great post, AngelRho and I agree with you. You have to increase your independence.

I would also suggest (and I'm kind of getting a little off the subject for a second) but I would seriously reconsider your choice of education if you want to be somewhat successful. Specifically, what do you plan to do jobwise by studying "travel?"

I think of this every time I hear someone (usually a young woman) say she's studying psychology or sociology or anthropology. That's great and all, but what do you plan to do with that expensive degree once you get it?

You might want to consider studying something that is more in demand or at least some professional degree. I got my degree in nursing and had a job offer before I even got my diploma.

I'm not knocking your choice, I'm just wondering what your goal is when school is done?

I'm not sure to be honest, maybe being a events manager or holiday rep. Also i am a very caring person and my mum always said i would be good working in a nursing home

Oh, this is so true! I have a master's degree in music and am still over $45k in the hole. If I can really start killing it and break into the licensing industry, I'm going to start throwing $5k to $10k a year at it until it's gone. I'm in IBR and pay nothing right now, but I'd rather not stay broke for the next 20 years.

But to get into licensing and make some REAL money, you know how many college degrees you need? How many hour credits? Absolutely...

...drum roll, please...

...NONE. All you need is practical knowledge of basic music theory, a fully specced Apple Pro with Logic and a pro-level sample library like EWQL or VSL. You can save the money working at McDonald's while recording quality guitar/piano instrumentals with nothing more than a Shure SM57 and an iPad with GarageBand. I mentioned Steve Azar...his college degree is in business, but he's hit the top 40 and even won a BMI award. Ask HIM if he still pays college loans!

But, yeah, that's the thing with college degrees. I know someone with a degree in psychology. I know a high school admin who was asking if she'd be up for a counseling position. I told them she didn't have a master's degree, and my friend got this pained look on his face. That's REQUIRED for that kind of position. You go into psychology and a master's degree is no-exceptions REQUIRED for any kind of meaningful work. She has worked as a paralegal, a bank teller, and currently an elementary teaching assistant and runs an after-school daycare. She can't pay her loans back, either.

Nursing, well...

Luhluh, how'd YOU pay for your degree?

I think cricket has a lot of potential. The main thing is being willing to move where the jobs are. Some kind of mobility is always helpful.

I got my degree in nursing with student loans and I'm now in the process of paying them back, which is going to be on the seven year plan. For two years I'm going to suspend my 401K contributions so I can hit that loan hard, then scale it back for the next five years. You see my parents don't have any education, and they did not consider education important, so never saved for any of their kids.

Which is fine, it's just that as I was growing up I watched how difficult my folks had it job-wise and how limited they both were and I was realizing that you can't really get anywhere without a college degree or at least some sort of specialization.

Anyway... didn't mean to hijack the thread. It's just something to keep in mind OP.

Luhluh: Thanks for sharing! I think it's relevant, though, because it's all about how any of us meets anyone or are able to do anything.

That's cricket's main problem--lack of socializing with MOOS and lack of independence. With suburban or rural living, success is going to depend on his ability to move around. Greater independence means moving around more to where girls are, thereby increasing odds of getting a gf.

I have a lot of hobbies, i love traveling and having new adventures and seeing new places, i like football, i love spending time with my family. Its just i want someone to spend that with.

My college is great but like i said the majority of girls are 16. Its just where to find friends that are girls living in the countryside like me.

I think like i said i just get nervous. If there is a girl around a boy i just assume its her boyfriend. And a group of girls/women might laugh if i talk to them.

Hopefully 2017 will be a changed year for me though

lol

I never was averse to moving in on another man's territory. Because, hello, women are not property or territory. It's not considered honorable, exactly. But what you find is men and women are sometimes the most vulnerable while in a relationship. The reason why is people in LTRs get comfortable, drop their guard, or take their partner for granted. So when an attractive young thing comes along and gives you attention, you're liable to drift. You'll cheat on your SO at the drop of a hat and wonder when you became such a horrible person. I've been a victim of this myself, and I've been a poor influence on girls in relationships.

I'm not excusing my bad behavior, but I've been cheated on at least as much as I've cheated. I do think karma is a thing, so proceed with care. Be mindful that such things do happen...

...that any given gf you have probably won't be yours forever...

...and that the right girl for you just might have a bf already...

...for now...

That's a disgusting attitude.

It's not an attitude, it's just reality. I'm not perfect and I admit I have a less than stellar past. I've learned some hard lessons. And one of the hardest but most important lessons was to never lose hope and to take nothing for granted.

My track record has been exceptional. The last time I cheated was in the spring of 2003. I proposed to my best friend in December of that year and never looked back.

Reality is mean and ugly. But it has its beautiful parts, too, and that's what I live for. Take nothing for granted, accept nothing at face value. Sometimes minding your own business, respecting boundaries and not getting involved is the worst thing you can do to someone. Things aren't always as they seem. And love is NEVER simple.

I'll leave it at that.

You're promoting cheating, encouraging trying to tear apart other people's relationships, implying that people think so little of their relationships that they'll just abandon their partner on a whim, acting almost predatory by going for people when they're "vulnerable".

It's thoroughly cynical and vile. Not perfect, you say? You sir, are a pig.

Name-calling is unnecessary. And no, I don't encourage cheating. I'm not proud of what I did in the past...ok, except maybe that ONE time.

I'm just saying look at the facts. People DO abandon each other on a whim. People DO allow themselves to become vulnerable in relationships.

And, yes, people DO end up in relationships that are wrong for them. And they break up. ALL THE FRIKKIN TIME.

I'm not saying prey on folks in relationships. Most of the time you won't have to. Just be patient and let them disintegrate on their own.

And women aren't property or territory, either. You don't get to own someone just because you're in a relationship. You can still choose to leave your SO, or she can leave you, or she can meet some guy over lunch and you can't do one single thing about it. I'm BEGGING you to tell me I'm wrong about this, because if I'm wrong, then men are excused from being possessive, manipulative, jealous, insecure, and abusive. Does that reflect reality? Do women NOT have the right to see who they like at any time?

What about relationships that are unhealthy and on the brink? Not necessarily abusive, but not excluding those, either. If you see a relationship falling apart, you wouldn't get involved to help someone hurting escape and begin the healing process?

Not everything is as it seems, and you can't take anything for granted. Yeah, I ripped that from Labyrinth, but DANG...relationships are weird like that. It's not fair, but that's the way it is. (Ugh...did it again!)

I never said women were property, but I'm not going to bother explaining my opinions in depth to a guy who who clearly encourages interfering with other people's relationships, who clearly encourages cheating, who clearly encourages predatory behaviour. If you weren't proud about your past, you wouldn't bring it up like it was a positive thing as advice to a young guy who's trying to figure his life out. I've heard enough of your filth.