can aspies get girlfriends

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Another one! That's awesomesauce...

Tell you what, there are some massive benefits of an Aspie man. Having a bit of a freak-out session myself, some major madness in my life right now...and my man has been as solid as a rock because he knows EXACTLY what I'm going through. Such a different perspective on things...so wonderful.

Guy, stop moping about and be happy ;D Because sure as hell you're gonna make someone else really happy one day too.

just to turn the question the other way round:
you nts, do you find it okay, or copeable to just tell what is up, or what you need, want, etcetera?

at least thats the way i tick, but for someone i really like, id do quite all i can (and try to break my limits, too) because really liking someone is reason enough for me. sadly, i am dependent on being told what needs to be done as i dont see a lot of those needs.
is it much of an issue to you to tell things like you need to be hugged and held close, you would like to just cry for no reason, you could need a chill-out time with being pampered for a bit, or that you need time for yourself and that youd prefer your partner leaving now. things like that...

This is pretty much my modus operandi.
It's the only way which works for me,
as I have difficulty feeling comfortable
enough with someone prior.

That's the crux of the problem, I think. When it comes to this sort of thing, NTs and Aspies are essentially at opposite ends of the scale.

- NTs don't verbally directly communicate their needs, they 'sense' each other's needs and communicate them through non-verbal means. They are COMPLETELY subconsciously aware of all of this. I've only recently realised I do half of what I do! We do everything on instinct, and as such can read each other in this way.

- Aspies don't read the subtleties of non-verbal communication, they, I assume, need verbal, direct messages when it comes to wants/needs.

Hence...we have a massive failure to communicate

Something that is working for my man and I is a crossing-over of all this. I teach him what each subconscious behaviour means, and he teaches me to accurately express what I'm feeling/needing/wanting etc. We have less misunderstandings these days because he has the tools to fairly accurately 'read' what I'm going on about, only further enhanced by my attempts to verbalise and express...



To answer the question though...in regards to NTs expressing their needs...most of us either hate having to verbalise ("Why can't you see it, it's so obvious!"), or don't know how. It's a matter of dual learning...AS/NT relationships ARE more difficult, but very possible. One needs to learn to verbalise more, and more accurately...the other needs to learn to read different cues, as they can be quite obvious when you aquaint yourself with them and recognise them when it happens.

But it's the same in every relationship. Everyone has to learn each other's quirks and how to work with each other without pissing off. Like, most guys need to learn it's NOT cool to leave everything lying around the house, and girls have plenty of annoying quirks and levels of DEMANDING that need to be really toned down...

I dread the thought of a potential girlfriend asking me for "emotional support" My god, will that be awkward

If I could hook them into a relationship by sitting alone in a darkened room, rocking backwards and forwards and muttering to myself, I'd never leave my bed...

Dude, that one is rather easy: Sit down, shut up and listen!

Wikipedia: involuntary celibacy.

Online Support Group for it.

You'll find that there's a lot of NTs who have "missed the boat" on this one. Most people used to getting girl/boyfriends have no idea what it's like to be so lacking in ability and experience.

This could pay off, or it could be a one-way ticket to the friend zone.

Never quite understood this.
There's always been some sexual
tension between myself and my
close female friends. Been pretty
certain (sometimes entirely so) that
they were essentially available - even
if with someone.

I've had friends
who were in this kind of situation, but
I really suspect that whatever might
have happened just wouldn't have worked
out anyway. Maybe they would have fallen
into bed together, and that wouldn't happen
as they became understood for their qualities,
but that any relationship without that magic
spark is just something doomed anyhow.

thankies, shale.
i guess some work on both sides is indeed the way to go.

its just looking awkward to me: for example, if someone i like does something that is insulting to me, and it appears that he/she just didnt want it to happen that way, that this situation didnt come to be through bad will against me, then theres nothing to forgive for me. it was an accident, accidents happen, no need to grieve over. i just dont see it how people can get fuzzy over things like that when they shuld know that there was no bad intention against them.
same way with knowing about the communication problem: how could i hold someone guilty for something i know he/shes not able to do?

but yeah, 100% AS reasoning, i guess. (but some of its good sides, as i see it)

I really do want a girlfriend i have not actually had one before but if i keep on trying i think i will be able to get one.

I wish I had your confidence.

I definitely want a girlfriend, too, but I would usually try to wait until the time is right. For one thing, I wait until I become really good friends with them. Now for picking one out, I would either choose one with a great personality or one who seems isolated all the time.

Confidence? I feel the same way. I think of
it as foolish optimism, in my case. No confidence
at all.

Edit: Sorry, double post.

Exactly. If you don't know what to say, when to say it, how and when to touch, etc, when she's having a freak-out...just fricken' sit there and listen. If you zone out, appear interested. Sometimes we don't even care if you're ACTUALLY fussed or not, just HUMOUR us until we're emotionally stable again It may be as simple as hugging/holding us while we bawl our eyes out. Or sit and nod attentively while we rant. It's THAT simple Easy-peasy. Leave the technical emotional support for her girlfriends if you can't do it...that's what they're there for.



Biggest issue I can detect here. A girlfriend...you can get one. Like a Playstation or a car. All shapes and sizes.

That attitude, while positive, is probably going to get you a bruised face Remember a girl is a human being just like you...try to reason a bit more that you need to be a good boyfriend before you can really have a girlfriend. Know what you can offer to the same degree as you know what you want in a girlfriend

This is a tripping point I've seen so much on these forums. It's a teenage thing for sure as well. A partner is not an object or a posession. Make sure you know that a girlfriend is a human being that loves you dearly, and expects that love back, before you get too lonely and depressed.