Relatives trying to pair you up

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The lots of lonely people would just be trapped in lonely marriages with people they don't even like. What's the point of that. I know so many unhappily married people that it just seems like love is some sort of horrible curse. You're unhappy alone, you're unhappy when you're stuck with someone. Life would be so much better without this stupid love thing.

Unfortunately I am the type who catches feelings and I kind of enjoy them, but it never turns into anything good for me. So feelings become unbearable torture. I wish I could let it go.

Last edited by hurtloam on 29 Dec 2016, 7:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, being with someone you don't really like is worse than being alone. I had a roommate once hat I couldn't stand, but I was too poor to live on my own at the time. Every day of seeing her annoying face and enduring her annoying ways was just unpleasant at worst, but bearanle for a short time till I could move out, but imagine being married to someone who annoys you that much?

And I know unhappily married people and they are very unhappy. They tell me to value my freedom.

Last edited by hurtloam on 29 Dec 2016, 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People's actions reflect their values. What people CLAIM they want often isn't really what they want. I am utterly fascinated by that dichotomy and am completely mystified by their reasons for it. I've heard of people being afraid of success, for example. But since everyone's story is different, saying "oh, you're afraid of success" doesn't quite cut it.

See, I'm not worried about how they could make a life together. I'm just worried about one teensy little first date. A 4-day weekend of fun times, enjoying each other's company, and seeing if there is at least the interest in repeating it. Only after that would it be worth discussing LTR and more, but we're not remotely close to that just now.

Which is why I say crowdfund this little experiment. I don't have much money, but I could chip in $50. That's one night's entertainment. I don't know how far apart they live, which would be a determining factor in feasibility, but I'm the King of Cheap and know I could easily travel from one US coast to the other for $1500 or less. It's transportation I'm worried about the most. Small indie airlines can get you the express between two cities for as little as $30 sometimes, but for longer trips I'd need to do some research. A decent, i.e. bug-free, hotel shouldn't run more than $75/night for a single person, and we'd arrange something so only one person has to travel to the other. We'd make sure the hotel provides breakfast, but you're both on your own for lunch. Depending on travel expenses, I wouldn't want to budget more than $2k overall. And look, I think $2k was my honeymoon budget back in the day, and that got me 3 nights on the grounds of the Biltmore Estate, all meals included in the package including a formal dinner in the dining room (alcohol not included). I'm pretty sure that's a generous estimate for this, so I'll need more info before I can run some real numbers. $2k ought to be doable for crowdfunding and still account for donor incentives. Which, by the way, how do we do this? T-shirts? Coffee mugs? Tall water bottles with built-in fruit infusers (those are really cute, btw)? And if there's enough support, we can hire a film crew and make a reality show out of it with contributors getting free DVD's. I know some people with Electus who've produced shows for TruTV, and I might could get them on board. Well, assuming they're not still pissed at me, but I'm sure they've forgotten about that by now...

Anyway, I mean, we could make this work...

No pressure then...

Sorry I'm just catching up on posts. Luhluhluh gets it, I can't add much to what she's said already, but I understand your reaction.

I was aiming more from an angle that often aspies get from their parents, where parents slap us with a label and think we are incapable of certain things and say "no you can't do that", like the thread where one chap was saying his parents won't even let him take one driving lesson. I maybe expressed myself badly.

I feel like she thinks I'm not ever good enough at anything... ironically, she's an aspie too. It's a story for another thread.

I know exactly what you meant because I got the same thing a lot several years ago. I was going on dates, doing the online dating thing, and yet I could not find a guy who was interested in me. I went on a lot of first dates, and then nothing. And I wasn't even trying to date wealthy, good looking men either. I was aiming for the average, sort of nerdy guys who liked sci-fi and stuff.

My mom was great at trying to suggest things, even though she never dated EVER in her life. She got married at age 23 and they've been married for 48 years (although it might be argued that she settled for the first guy who asked her). Either way - when someone offers me suggestions, I consider the source, and she was basically suggesting just accepting anyone. And when I poo-poo'd that idea, she suggested I may be gay, which really made me both incredibly angry and hurt. So yeah. I totally get it.

That's funny! Your description of your mother sounds like me with my first girlfriend, when I was 18, in college. She (my first girlfriend) showed interest in me, and just jumped at the chance, thinking no other girl will ever like me, possibly for the rest of my life. Only instead of leading to a 48-year-marriage, it fell apart after about 2 months. There's a reason, though: she was one of the most introverted people I ever met! I had so many fun, romantic ideas that I would have loved. But she mostly wanted to hang out on campus. And since I felt like she was my only chance at a relationship, I just gave in to her wishes every time, except for a very rare occasion when I insisted on my idea. (And even then, probably didn't come off very strong while doing so.) The resentment I felt during the relationship was just too much; there's no way I could handle 48 years of it.

Interestingly, I'm now friends with a 22-year-old girl, and I see a lot of myself in her. (I originally wanted to date her, but that didn't materialize.) Anyway, she's also good at finding cool events and venues, like I was at age 18. And I usually agree to meet her at the places she finds, like quirky restaurants, outdoor dance classes, and more. On occasion, I push my own choice of venue, but that's mostly to make myself look more assertive.

My wife is less educated and currently unemployed, but I don't find her annoying at all. She's the best person for me. And I have friends who are better educated and have good jobs who are very annoying to me.

I know unhappily married people too, but all of them were happy when they started their relationships.

Less educated doesn't equal unintelligent. And intelligence isn't just knowing facts and figures, I'm thinking more of executive functioning. I know 5 women who married men with low executive functioning skills and an inability to mix well with others which has caused a lot of stress
they are all stressed and unhappy because all the responsibilities fall to them. Partners have to share or one will burn out.

Being happy at first when a relationship starts isnt a good argument for getting stuck with someone who makes you miserable later on. Then you're married, tied into other responsibilities together, maybe kids, maybe a mortgage, so it's more difficult to leave. You need to consider the pros and cons before entering a relationship.

Then there's those who get stuck with critical, emotionally abusive people and that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Relationships can be the worst thing that can ever happen in life and it's best to evaluate things before stepping into something that will make life worse than it already is.

My goodness, I just Hmmed!

At least someone here agrees with.me.

In many countries, the north rate oa at an.all.time.low, as are the fertility rates
Experts now.predict the population growth rate will decrease in the.next few years. That's the good news.

We also however have a higher single rate, and all time low.marriage rates.

Whether or not that's good.news is determined by your own perspective.

Pro: People are focusing more on their careers and own life.

Con: Some sociologists suggest millenials are far more individualist than previous generations. Source: wikiedia: millenials

I'm sure you were already well aware of this.

I actually agree with arranged marriage so long as the two people actually want to be together, are compatible, and the marriage isn't just for business purposes, though sadly it seems most arranged marriages are the complete opposite.

Otherwise I would love it I'd families helped set you up with a person from.another family yours is friends with and maybe you go on a few dates and begin a relationship I'd you like each other and if you don't rinse and repeat than say having to go about love and dating all alone in this increasingly disconnected and selfish society.

And yes, unfortiately it seems young men in my experience feel the most miserably lonely of all. It seems young women rarely ever feel sad or lonely for being single, If they do they could at least complian about it more instead of choosing not to or even doing the opposite and guilting or shaming young men who choose to whine about being lonely online or falsely call them 'entitled', a below the belt buzzword used to dismiss any man who dare complain loneliness makes him sad and depressed and.makes him out to be a hateful, bitter misogynist. Some are entitled but.most aren't, just sad that they're alone and don't outright expects a woman to be with them.

Funny enough I have also seen a rise in hateful bitter misogny online, born out of lonely men but not all lonely men are misogynist.

Just look at Redpill, Incels, Sl#thate, a good amount of /rk9/, etc.

Elliot Rodgers wasn't just some random psychopath, in my opinion most psychopaths reflect their time.

Life was very cynical, bittersweet and bitter in WW2 and so was Hitler.

In countries like Australia, America, England etc there was plenty of propaganda and Hitler used a lot of propaganda too.

Funny how history always mentions Hitlers propaganda as if it were a bad thing or brainwashing yet the propoganda used by the 'good guys' countries the allies aren't mentioned or are even made into amusing memes.

Keep calm and realize that meme is based on a propoganda poster used by Churchill.

Elliot Rodgers is a byproduct of the single generation.

Of course, most young men are not psychopathic murderers, quite the contrary, just that the.motivations behind his actions, "killing everyone because he can't find sex or love", reflect the times - this is a very loveless and selfish time and it shows.

I'm not condoning or justifying his actions, just pointing out his motivation actually reflect society's low birth rates, high single rate, low marriage rate, etc. And all the misery it's bringing atm.

I've seen a lot of lonely young men online say they related to his manifesto but would never go as far as he did - still, i think that says a lot.

According to David Attenborough there are too many people on earth and we're ruining the planet because of our almost vermin like infestation of it. His words not mine.

Women don't want to be alone either, but Outrider you just don't understand a woman's perspective. You don't have close female friends in their 30s who've been married to abusive at worst, negligent at best, men. You haven't had them crying on your shoulder. I have!

It's better to be alone it really is. You lose so much when you're with the wrong person. It's horrible.

So out of fear a lot of women, although not happy about being alone, take it in their stride and get on with their lives. The single women I know are travelling the world, having fun, doing volunteer work, meeting new people. Being tied down holds you back, especially if it's the wrong person you've got stuck with.

Actually i know a few single men like that too. They're doing the same things, with more sporting activities included.

Freedom is glorious. Trapped with someone you don't like or respect is a living hell for both men and women.

There is no excuse for hateful bitterness. These guys needed learn to focus their lives on positive things and not obsess over the thing they can't have. Not everyone is suited to a relationship. That's just how life is. There's no need to wallow in pity. Take that youthful energy and go and do something good for the rest of society.


#edit
I forgot to add I do agree that men should be free to express how they feel. Keeping it all in isn't healthy and as a society it would benefit everyone to let go of the big boys don't cry mentality.

My emphasising positive things to pursue doesn't mean you can't have feelings, but both men and women need to be positive and get on with their lives rather than being stuck in a "my life is over because I can't find live rut".

yep lots of worthless men like me

SLY and SLW ought to get together.

It would be an interesting dynamic.

It doesn't mean you're not compatible with anyone or that you're worthless. It just means you've got a smaller pool to work with, but I can't lie and sugar coat the truth. Regular functioning NT women are highly unlikely to want to pair up with a guy they see as hard work or child like. Life is already hard enough. We all need someone of compatible maturity.

There's more to life than love. That's not what defines our real worth. We are more than that.

#edit

Worthless is a nonsense term. My favourite album is worthless to millions if not billions of people. But I enjoy it. Nothing and no one is truly worthless.