nurseangela wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
That's not feeling sorry for myself - it's a fact. I'm glad I can support myself, however, it is very stressful. What I am voicing is frustration because men don't think that women have any problems and that life is just a walk in the park. No it is not. Everyone has problems. I really do think it would help people to spend some quality time around some really sick people and then they just might start seeing some of the good things in their own lives.
Here's an example - I had a 28 year old male patient who had a genetic disorder that was untreatable. He weighed almost 300-400 lbs and had several wounds because he was unable to move around like he should. He was talking to me and crying about how he will never be able to date or get married or have kids because this genetic disorder was eventually going to kill him by damaging his heart. He was only 28 and was just fine several years before this disorder struck him. There is someone I truly felt sorry for because he had no chance to experience anything in life - he would never get out of that hospital bed. Someone in the world always has it worse than you think you do.
I really hate it when people pull out an example of "someone who has it worse than you" so that they can tell the other person that they are not allowed to feel bad. I'm sorry to hear about this guy. That truly is a rough life. But everyone has someone worse off than them. That doesn't make any of them feel any better. Occassionally when I'm down I think, well at least I don't live in Aleppo, and you know what. That cured my depression, oh wait, no it didn't because that's not how depression works.
A person dealing with their own stressful circumstances is allowed to express how those circumstances make them feel. It is not whining.
That goes for the OP who told nurseangela she was whining.
It's not a contest.
You can feel as bad as you want. I'm just saying that most people won't want to be around you for long.
Sigh. You're not listening to what I'm saying.
"Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else may have it better."
It doesn't really help. It often makes the person feel worse. If they are empathetic they feel bad that other people feel worse and that makes them think more negatively of life. It's like when I feel sad that I'm on my own and people start telling me about folk they know who are in unhappy relationships. That just makes me feel worse because I feel like there is no happiness anywhere. We're sad alone, we're said when paired up. What's the point of feelings. They just bring pain.
What's more motivational is to encourage people to get out there and experience things. Although, I think that has back fired on me as well. I think a few guys think I'm telling them that they are useless because they have no hobbies, but I really just want them to find things that make them happy.
I think I try to do that because I am unhappy myself and I wish I had the motivation to do things that I love, but I'm too depressed and it's too cold and dark to go out for walks at the moment. My passion is photography. I at least get a bit of pleasure from that. I want the guys on here to find something that they love as much to help them feel like there is some good in life.
I think that you're right in a way. Getting involved with helping others is good, but not to make us feel like, "well at least I'm not that bad," but to give us personal connections. I do think real connections with people makes something inside of us feel good. It's good to feel helpful. That's why I suggested something simple in that past on other threads. Go and visit an elderly relative or neighbour. There was a thing on the radio today about how so many elderly people are lonely. All they need is a listening ear. All I have to do is sit and listen and have a cup of tea with them and they feel cared about. It's great. They often have really interesting stories too.
I totally agree with you, it just doesn't do anything, and it's a strawman arguement. It's telling people that their experience of life isn't justified, and neither are their feelings.
13 Jan 2017, 5:39 pm
