My Partner has aspergers- the toll on my emotional health

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It happens. I'm pretty sure I've unintentionally and taken a heavy toll on the emotional health of all of my past girlfriends.

I notice the gender OP imbalance in threads like this, typically NT women partners of AS men open these threads and arrive at WP for that reason. Yet very few NT men partnered with AS women come here to do that. There could be a whole range of reasons for this, though which explain this disparity best eludes me (so far.. )

Meantime, I found this interesting:
http://www.adultaspergerschat.com/2017/ ... en-as.html

So now WP women, do you understand the horro-...umm , I mean the complexities that we (aspie men) have to deal with in our romance life?

All romatic realtionships (for men/women, Aspie/Aspie, Aspie/NT) are complex at one time or other which is why discussions such as this are (or should be) helpful to all involved. That is, if people are open to discussing and comparing differences.

I like that list:
honest, genuine, loyal, funny, clever, dedicated, detail oriented and hard working seem to be the common themes.
it's refreshing to see good news, as people are naturally inclined to focus on and remember bad news.

Hmm honestly, men and women are aliens to each other.

Literally.

1/4 of them are superficial and about how he's a good finical provider to them. A few seems to be mean comments phrased nicely, the rest were nice and some sounded like me.

The male spouse parallel is NT men with wives who have borderline personality disorder.

As for NT men and women with AS, either a large number of women with AS don't get married, a large number of NT men don't find fault with their AS wife, or the relationships are failing, just not in a way that provokes the men to come searching for answers or advice online, or some combination of the above.

There is one difference between scenarios with the female NT spouse and the male spouse with AS, and the male NT spouse and the female spouse with BPD.

Female spouses of AS men often come online to ask those on the spectrum how to cope with or manage their husband while male spouses of BPD women come online to talk about their horrible experiences with their (current/ex) BPD spouse with other men who have (current/ex) wives with BPD, or give updates on their personal or marriage counseling.

I think this is very interesting because it's one situation in which men are engaging on the internet in ways that women typically do. Experience -> Moral support

While the women are engaging on the internet in ways that men typically do. Problem -> Solution.

I can never relate to women who are struggling with their AS partner because I always wonder how in the hell did they manage to stay with them when their partner was showing those bad qualities? Are they being a martyr here? For me I always just left a relationship if a guy didn't make any changes within the first couple of months assuming it is going to get worse and never get better because it was getting worse. But if a man was "normal" and then they changed, they have my sympathy.

I think the problem is most people believe in working things out. They see bad qualities in their partner and they stay and try and work it out and that turns into a year and then into five years and so on. Then they find out their partner has a disability so they then grieve. But to me that is a waste to play the waiting game and gamble if there is no change within the first few months of dating. You can't change someone if they don't want to.

I have Aspergers - the toll on my mental health.

Your last paragraph is wrong, and this thread is a live proof for it.

How so? The OP has a problem and wants a solution.

How so? How "how so?" Where did you even read that she asked for a solution?

Re-read the OP again.

No, she just wants 'support', like imhere and Anngables.

Did she say what's the problem? Did she ask for a solution?

She just asked for help and 'support' to 'lessen her pain'.

That's typically female.

You were clearly not following up with this thread.

I am going to quote hurtloam so you can understand what's going on:

The OP's problem is that she has an emotionally unsupportive spouse with AS, and has not been able to find a support group, and she was asking for the solution, if anyone could direct her to a support group.

Problem -> Solution

She's clearly seeking for an emotional support, to vent things, this is not a solution.

And we don't exactly what's the problem, like how he is unspportive emotionally? is he really incapable to not have emotions? How comes, is he human or a robot?

Emotional Support =/= Solution.

What she wants is a hug and patting on back and telling her how hard and difficult it is.

Thanks guys. It's threads like these that remind me how awful it was being in relationships.

I really think a FWB arrangement is the way to go.