Slys dating site advice help thread.

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I’ve never had any ambition at all.

I wanted to get a job and move from my mother’s because I was tired of all the rules.

Please don't

I bet Hale-Bopp will live at least until Halley's Comet visits us again in 2061.

I hope to be around, too. I'll be 100 years old in 2061.

It’s not your problem or the problem of people here. I basically destroyed my relationship with my family after they forced me to go to an extended family gathering I didn’t want to go to, then I had a borderline flip because of it and drove back across the country on Christmas night without saying goodbye, now they all hate me. It’s my fault and problem. BPD has no cure and it’s a real stuggle trying to live with it, but I’m the only person who can do anything about it.

They don’t ask besides the form you fill out for dating site. They do ask about what my job is and that’s all they need to know to run away. I try every day to be the best retail person I can and help people out. That’s about all I can do

Maybe but guys don’t think “ she’s nice but how much does she make”
Not everyone has to be middle class for that stuff. I think the USA needs to be set back to 3rd world level. Those people are content and happy with their life mostly and they don’t have much money at all or any of the fancy stuff people think they need to live.

If they had ambition they’d keep trying to move up though never staying in one job or position more then few months. When they reach the top of one field they quit and start another. So eventually if everyone had ambition and climbed up there’d be no one in lower positions. But that’s not even possible see cause as you move up there’s les and less positions as there aren’t enough ceo jobs for 230million people. So lots of people have to be stuck in lower levels for companies and society to keep going. Military for example can only have so many officers and they need a lot more grunts. If all the grunts became officers who’d do the fighting? Who’d dig fox holes ? Society isn’t much difference. Someone has to be a janitor.

But if he stays a truck driver he lacks ambition he’s standing still ambition is always moving up always aiming higher not accepting what you have or enjoying what you have it’s always working to get something better. Sounds tiring to me it’s no wonder ambition people get wrinkles early on. They always stressed out they never rest and just enjoy where they are at.

Extended family gatherings are horrible, I would drove away half of Asia from it.

Ambitious people rest when they're tired from all the work they do, or when they're on vacation or taking some scheduled or needed downtime. Thats Not to say ambitious people aren't enjoying where they are at. Thing is, ambitious people aren't all doing it to impress someone else. They're ambitious because they're just that way & they tend to enjoy the process of pursuing their ambitions. They're not miserable getting in better shape, learning more skills, earning ever more money if they can get it - they're happy, enjoying the process of hard work. Whether they're a farmer trying to get the most out of his land and growing season from sunrise to sunset or a corporate salesman trying to sell the most he can to earn commissions, people do what they do to try to reach their own personal potential & enjoy every moment of hard work and struggle that goes into it.

Sure, some hate it. Some just do it to impress other people with material wealth. Some do it because their parents or someone else expects them to. Those people exist and they're not likely all that happy. But for the most part, people who work hard on themselves and their careers and finances etc do so because it's what They Enjoy. Maybe You Despise it and would rather spend as much time as possible chasing butterflies in a meadow, but that doesn't mean that everyone else is forcing themselves into a life of misery just because they're not doing with their time would you would rather do with yours.

As for those sorts of choices. IF one chooses to spend all their time chasing butterflies in a meadow & that doesn't get them other things they want in life, like enough money to be a more attractive partner for some woman, then perhaps instead of complaining about it one should strive to do more & different things with one's time that could earn them a bit more money so that bit by bit they're wealthier and aligned with the segment of society that's out there dating and forming relationships more. And if money's not one's thing, just be happy chasing butterflies and stop complaining that you're not getting the financial results that get you other things in life. There's bound to be women out there who LIKE butterfly chasers, so people who prefer rest over work will simply have to just wait until maybe someday they meet that woman. The only other alternative is to shift priorities to making work & money more important than rest and relaxation, maybe not shifting gears to overachiever working 70h/week, but maybe going from 20 to 30 or w/e in order to find a better balance between chill time & personal finances in order to feel "worthy" of the social game of dating - if that's one's goal. Whatever your goal, work on it vs. complain about why you can't. No matter how long it takes to achieve at least if you're working on it you're moving towards achieving it vs. just complaining about what you haven't got which yields a result of ~nothing.

I know how Hale-Bopp feels. I've done similar things.

I feel like things just need to cool off.

I sense everything will be okay pretty soon.

Families get mad at each other. Most of the time, they make up.

I hope Hale-Bopp lives at least until Halley's Comet arrives again.

I think it’s time I break free of them to be honest. They can live a happy life with their perfect extended family, they’re dead to me.

If someone's expectations of you are ones you are unable to fulfill without the cost of your emotional/mental well-being then they are unreasonable expectations.

People's expectations can change, though, with time.

Some guys do wonder how much a woman they're interested in makes and I think it is smart to pay at least some attention to the fact of knowing if a partner can pull their own weight or if you'd have to do everyhing (financially) in the relationship.

But if USA went back to third world level, what would be the position of those with disabilities? Would they (you?) be supported the way they are now? Carefull what you wish for...

No no no, if you want to move up then in most cases you need to stay at the same work place for a while in order to prove to your bosses that you're useful to them and should be moved up. You can't expect to jump from frying hamburgers to being the big boss in the office in just a few months!
And when someone reaches the top, well, many of them are ambtious to stay on the top. Like Thunderbolt says in the movie "101 dalmatians 2: Patch's London Adventure": "Getting to the top is not as hard as staying there." But of course there are also those who jump down and aim for another top entirely after they have concuered one.

I still think that most people have ambtion, but the fact is that some people just have more skills/luck to get further than others. Almost everyone tries yet only few succeeds, which is why we'll always have people at the lower paying jobs as well... and like I said some actually enjoy those jobs and are ambtious about other things.

No he doesn't, like I said he likes his job. He aims to be a better truck driver and to have his company do even better than it does now. Why change careers if one likes what they do and have good chances with getting forward with their career? Besides, people need to be realistic. Even if he wanted to be a doctor I'm pretty sure that's something he isn't cut out for for various reasons. It's better to aim for something that is a little "lower" that you have good chance to get than something that is much "higher" yet your chances to actually get it are close to zero.

You have the right not to want to be ambitious. But unfortunately it’s a trait that most humans (not just men) find attractive. Keeping fit is also an ambition to stay well.

Some few guys might but almost all women do care. So it’s more ok for women to lack ambition to lack high paying jobs to lack climbing career ladder. Super hypocritical and superficial in my opinion.

What if I’m happy where I am and just doing the best I can at work? Well most women say I’m lazy and worthless cause I just make min wage. So someone at a low paid job can’t be ambitious in most women’s opinion.

Maybe but if he only made min wage truck driving would women still accept him?
What if I mad $25-30 dollars working retail would women say I’m ambitious, probably.
What if a doctor or lawyer only made $7 would they then be deemed unambitious, again probably. Ambition to women seems entirely based on earning potential.
I only make dollar over min wage $11 an hour so it’s aid I am Unambitious. But men who might not work as hard but make more are seen as ambitious cause they climbed the Corp ladder to a higher paying job. So it’s all bout money. Similar a guy who volunteers is lacking ambition.

I did try serval times and fail all times. Certainly didn’t plan on working retail rest of my life but it’s literally the best and only job I seem to be able to do.

Why do most women prefer to be alone forever or single moms rather then be with men who work those lower positions even women who they themselves work such positions and fail to climb the career ladder?
There must still be millions of either unemployed or min wage women who be doing that their whole life’s. There isn’t enough good paying jobs for everyone so certainly there must be lots of women who won’t have good paying jobs and live in poverty whys it ok for them to date up and use guys to escape poverty while shining poor guys?

I hardly every hear guys reject women based on their ambition or talk about it as a attractive trait. Men care more about women’s looks and personality. Money is way down the list if at all for some guys. He’d date a poor but super attractive woman woman. Besides a few men on this site I’ve never heard or seen men talk about women’s ambition, job or income. They really don’t seem to care, lots are fine providing for their wife/gf and see it as their showing they’re a man. Some even slander guys who don’t make more then heir wife/gf , or who don’t pay for their wife/gf stuff or college or cars etc. so it would seem if anything a lot of men would prefer their girl be less ambitious and make less then them.

In dating world ambition applies to income or career ambition. Whenever I see women complain about ambition it’s always about their mans job and income. That he isn’t getting promotions or hat he’s staying at a low paid job. Ambition =money

Otherwise it have ambition. I drive to do stuff and do my best at work I’m trying to lose wieght. I have ambition to finish my collectionss. Every day I try to get the best Shave I can. But while that’s ambition it’s not the ambition most women care about.
They just see I work min wage and have dont so for years so Therefor I lack ambition.
I can’t get a better job it’s not for lack of trying or lack of desire but I can’t do many jobs with my disability and jobs I could maybe do don’t exist here anymore or are super competitive to get and I lack experience and bad at interviewing due to my disability.

I honestly believe the only reason my current job hired me was no one else wants to work in my department so it was either me or no one.

If you sucked at your job, they'd fire you, or force you to quit.

People use money, and one's ability to obtain it, as a measure of worth in our society. It is what it is. Women tend to be attracted to go-getter provider types. Even poor women want a guy doing "better" than them. Many won't settle for someone equal or lower because they're daydreaming about some white knight prince to come raise them up out of the gutter & may even believe that dating someone "lesser" might bring them down so they'd rather be alone. Also, if they "settle" then gone are their dreams of meeting someone "better." Those sound like reasons they'd do so to me.

Two options, sly:

Either keep doing what you're doing & focus on other things about yourself rather than occupation & income as positives to sell yourself to potential dates with. Maybe you're great at ____ hobby or game and someone else finds that attractive, especially since you're Happy doing it.

OR

Change what you're doing to try to adapt to whatever societal pressures you feel you need to better fit with in order to be more attractive to women. ie work on yourself, your health/fitness & suitability to work a bit better status & paying job, and slowly build yourself and your job status/income/attractiveness up.

Alternatively, if you keep doing exactly as you're doing and don't shift your focus to positive things about yourself that aren't related to your job or finances, then in a year's time you'll be in exactly the same position you are now with exactly the same frustrations. Either focus on things that aren't a job & money that make you more attractive, OR actually focus on work/money to make yourself more attractive. But there's no sense in doing nothing differently and expecting different results. May as well Try something.

And I say a focus on health as you've mentioned it's your disability that constrains you from working different jobs, and it's been my own personal experience that getting ever healthier has enabled me to work ever better higher paying jobs. 6 years ago I could hardly work at all & was lucky to make $150/month when I first got back to work. Now I've been doing some work for $35/hr & have the potential to make double or triple that in a few years' time as my skill and speed improve. I usually make under $20/hr at my regular job, though, which will creep up to $42.50 w/ benefits over the next few years or so. It's side job contracts that are much more lucrative. 6 years ago I never thought I'd be in a position to earn much of anything. 6 years from now I'm sure I'd have to Try not to make ~$100K/year, and if all goes well I'll use that income to save & invest towards other much bigger goals in life - namely a return to University studies. Blah blah, my point is that it IS possible to go from believing your economic worth is near zero to then being able to earn an average income and then above average. Bit by bit I'm on my way and I've done it by focusing on my health as a top priority, and I believe others can, too. Maybe you won't reach six figures, maybe I won't either, but I'm certain that if you tackled your depression & anxiety you'd increase your earnings capacity from what it is now to something a bit higher that'll relieve a lot of your stresses about having a low income.

Also just want to say you ASSUME that your income matters to EVERY potential partner. It doesn't. Personally, I couldn't care less whether a potential partner makes sub poverty level or super rich income, I'm not attracted to money. Surely there are women out there that are similar. I only suggest you do what you Can to increase your income because from your posts you place an extremely high sense of self worth value on it and thus if you increased your job status and income maybe you'd feel better about yourself, be happier, and in turn become more attractive to others.