My struggles in finding a girlfriend

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sly279
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09 Nov 2017, 10:21 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The amount of women who refuse to date a non athletic thin man says looks matter just as much to women.

If only. I always see hot girls with weak underweight guys for some reason.


Maybe cause they don’t care if they weaker then you but that they’re thin.

Hardly ever see thin women with fat guys. But there’s tons and tons of obese and fat women with thin guys.



Marknis
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09 Nov 2017, 10:42 pm

I don't even know who to reply to since the thread is no longer about my struggles so I'll just say how I feel in general.

I feel like my past has defined my future. I didn't have a relationship in my teen and adolescent years. Aside from one relationship, I feel like my adulthood will just be a repeat of my teens.



RetroGamer87
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09 Nov 2017, 11:09 pm

Marknis wrote:
I don't even know who to reply to since the thread is no longer about my struggles so I'll just say how I feel in general.

I feel like my past has defined my future. I didn't have a relationship in my teen and adolescent years. Aside from one relationship, I feel like my adulthood will just be a repeat of my teens.

I used to feel like that too. My fortunes changed and yours can too.


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sly279
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10 Nov 2017, 12:47 am

Marknis wrote:
I don't even know who to reply to since the thread is no longer about my struggles so I'll just say how I feel in general.

I feel like my past has defined my future. I didn't have a relationship in my teen and adolescent years. Aside from one relationship, I feel like my adulthood will just be a repeat of my teens.

It is . I’m basically 30 and never had a relationship. While people who did in teens jump from one to another having tons of relationships and sex. Usually with few days between relationships.



hale_bopp
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10 Nov 2017, 3:51 am

sly279 wrote:
While people who did in teens jump from one to another having tons of relationships and sex. Usually with few days between relationships.


Stop, just stop right there. You are not in touch with reality. At all. It seems like they are, but people lie, and their life is a lot less interesting than you think. You are spiraling into a chaotic fantasy that just feeds your negative emotions.

You’re not going to ever feel any better until you exercise a bit of free thought, and come back down to earth. Don’t you ever have a voice of reason from the back of your mind when you spiral into black and white thinking?



sly279
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10 Nov 2017, 4:12 am

hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
While people who did in teens jump from one to another having tons of relationships and sex. Usually with few days between relationships.


Stop, just stop right there. You are not in touch with reality. At all. It seems like they are, but people lie, and their life is a lot less interesting than you think. You are spiraling into a chaotic fantasy that just feeds your negative emotions.

You’re not going to ever feel any better until you exercise a bit of free thought, and come back down to earth. Don’t you ever have a voice of reason from the back of your mind when you spiral into black and white thinking?


Lady at work did, lady my sister tried to set me up with brisk up and days later had another bf then moved out of state with him month later. My niece just broke up with her husband few days ago and has a new bf already. I see people get new relationships quite quick. My friends always did too. They had tons for relationships.

It’s not black and white. A lot of people have no problem finding relationships.
For them 3 days out of a relationship is a long time, weeks is forever.
They really have no concept of long time or forever. I’ve seen women complain about being single for week or so on dating sites.



hale_bopp
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10 Nov 2017, 4:13 am

Yeah, you're probably right. I don't tend to get around with people like that, because I have no respect for them, so probably don't know as much.



sly279
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10 Nov 2017, 4:27 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Yeah, you're probably right. I don't tend to get around with people like that, because I have no respect for them, so probably don't know as much.

People don’t like to be alone.
I dont know I’d want to jump relationships a lot but it’d sure be nice to at least have one. I feel any relationship would last :( cause people made me feel worthless and that women won’t date me and if they did they’d eventually leave me, but still even if it only last month it’d be something.

I suppose being the outsider at work allows me to see them jump relationships. It’s like I’m invisibile at work and in the break room.
Once had people site next to me and talk about their secret relationship like I wasn’t there.

Something that bothers me is Coworkers are setting other coworkers up all the time in dates, but never me :(



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10 Nov 2017, 4:39 am

sly279 wrote:
I suppose being the outsider at work allows me to see them jump relationships. It’s like I’m invisibile at work and in the break room.
Once had people site next to me and talk about their secret relationship like I wasn’t there.

Something that bothers me is Coworkers are setting other coworkers up all the time in dates, but never me :(


That's because you're an aspie. I can confirm that 100%, it's happened to me all my life with people in general. It's very very common for us to be constantly overlooked.

I turned on the hose in class once to water my plants, went over to get it and some guy had picked it up and started using it, they don't even notice you're there, like you're on another plane of existence.



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10 Nov 2017, 6:45 am

hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
While people who did in teens jump from one to another having tons of relationships and sex. Usually with few days between relationships.


Stop, just stop right there. You are not in touch with reality. At all. It seems like they are, but people lie, and their life is a lot less interesting than you think. You are spiraling into a chaotic fantasy that just feeds your negative emotions.

You’re not going to ever feel any better until you exercise a bit of free thought, and come back down to earth. Don’t you ever have a voice of reason from the back of your mind when you spiral into black and white thinking?

Yep. He's out of touch with reality. If it's a requirement that you date in your teens in order to have relationships, than explain why I can still have relationships even though I didn't have my first one until I was 27.

There's other guys on this forum with similar life experiences. Imagine if I, as a 27 year old said "I've never had a relationship before now so I can't possibly have on in the future" when, unbeknownst to me, I was going to have my first relationship before my next birthday.

Things change. The only constant is change. If you think things will always stay the same, prepare to get rudely awakened.


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10 Nov 2017, 7:31 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yep. He's out of touch with reality. If it's a requirement that you date in your teens in order to have relationships, than explain why I can still have relationships even though I didn't have my first one until I was 27.

It's not a requirement, but you should never talk about it. It may decrease your attractiveness. It's the whole "if nobody dated him/her, then why should I" logic.



RetroGamer87
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10 Nov 2017, 7:35 am

314pe wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yep. He's out of touch with reality. If it's a requirement that you date in your teens in order to have relationships, than explain why I can still have relationships even though I didn't have my first one until I was 27.

It's not a requirement, but you should never talk about it. It may decrease your attractiveness. It's the whole "if nobody dated him/her, then why should I" logic.

Yes but if you've had many previous ex girlfriends, she might wonder why they all dumped you.


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314pe
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10 Nov 2017, 7:40 am

Yes, there's a funny stereotype about this. That women would prefer if you dumped your previous girlfriends and men would prefer if girl was dumped. The theory here would be that women are looking for a desirable partner and men are looking for a "safe" partner.



sly279
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10 Nov 2017, 1:48 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
While people who did in teens jump from one to another having tons of relationships and sex. Usually with few days between relationships.


Stop, just stop right there. You are not in touch with reality. At all. It seems like they are, but people lie, and their life is a lot less interesting than you think. You are spiraling into a chaotic fantasy that just feeds your negative emotions.

You’re not going to ever feel any better until you exercise a bit of free thought, and come back down to earth. Don’t you ever have a voice of reason from the back of your mind when you spiral into black and white thinking?

Yep. He's out of touch with reality. If it's a requirement that you date in your teens in order to have relationships, than explain why I can still have relationships even though I didn't have my first one until I was 27.

There's other guys on this forum with similar life experiences. Imagine if I, as a 27 year old said "I've never had a relationship before now so I can't possibly have on in the future" when, unbeknownst to me, I was going to have my first relationship before my next birthday.

Things change. The only constant is change. If you think things will always stay the same, prepare to get rudely awakened.


How’d you get that from what I said? All I was stating is people who had relationships in their teens are far more likely and easier to have relationships when older. They have experience and women at least see them as dateable for having it. I’ve been asked anout my past experience or if I had gfs and then ghosted. It’s a big red flag to women that a guy has never had a relationship. Similarly to employers when a person hasn’t had a job or hasn’t had one in years. They question why, is something so wrong with him no one will date or no one will hire him, if others won’t why would I, there must be some horrible reason not a single woman wanted him in 30 years of life. I’ve heard this from a lot of women on forums and in person. So yes not having dated in your teens creates a red flag which is hard to over come if at all(in my case). Vs if you had a relationship or few earlier then women think other women wanted him I want him too, he has common interest, attractive etc. I’m sure to a lessor extent it effects women too. If a guy doesn’t just want sex I imagine he’ll also wonder why this attractive lady has never had a bf.

Have you never had a woman ask about your past relationships?(ie job experience)
Usually it’s after before(in some cases) asking about sexual experience. And maybe somemask about relationship experience to find out about sexual exploitation.
Most women it seems don’t want a virgin male. They want someone more experienced then them. Been my experience anyways and it’s also he most women on okcupid answer hat question.
I don’t really care too much but I’d rather have a woman with non or little experience in which to make me nervous and judge me off of :/



RetroGamer87
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10 Nov 2017, 2:54 pm

sly279 wrote:
Have you never had a woman ask about your past relationships?(ie job experience)

Yes. They all asked this.


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sly279
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10 Nov 2017, 3:26 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Have you never had a woman ask about your past relationships?(ie job experience)

Yes. They all asked this.


Exactly