What is the hardest thing for you when it comes to dating?

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I assume I have some degree of (fairly objective) atractiveness as I have been told all my life by men and women that I am beautiful. I would just caution about comments on physical appearance because if a woman is attractive she might find that commenting unnecessary on her appearance suggests that the man is overly interested in her appearance and not other traits. I certainly would go with the man who didn't reference my appearance over the one who did!

Personally I would find this more palatable if it was qualified in a more personal way. For example, comments about someone's appearance were linked to something more tangible: saying something along the lines of "you look really nice, funny, pretty when you do that" etc.

Under no circumstances EVER say things like this, (all from dating type situations):

"You are the perfect package."
"Have you looked in the mirror recently?"
"You probably have a hard time getting on with other women because they are jealous of you."

Or, in a non dating situation, as my driving instructor said:
"You shouldn't drive, that man nearly drove off the road staring at you!"

In short try and notice the LESS OBVIOUS things about your date.

This makes sense.

My guess is these comments need to be some form of a surprise for the woman at least to some degree but not something she would strongly disagree with. Like it isn't going to be effective to tell a supermodel she's cute, just would seem like hollow flattery. I am not sure what to do in such a case although the women I tend to be attracted to don't quite fit the "model/supermodel" archetype. I like physically fit/athletic women(though not necessarily a "requirement"), they don't at all have to be super skinny and it can actually be very negative if they're so skinny. Although some women don't follow this "rule" but in rare cases are attractive to me anyways, it is kind of random though a girl putting on some muscle would nearly always be a positive change unless over the top like the bodybuilder/steroids look. At a certain point their bodies actually appear "male-like" at which point there's definitely no attraction. The actual "ideal" for me is a lot closer to average than such extremes and staying well within what's considered to be healthy and what most people can reasonably attain.

Less obvious is a good point although I'm not sure how best to identify such qualities.

^^ If you are into athletic women then I assume you are also athletic to some extent? I would think finding shared common areas where you meet people with similar interests and hang out and befriend people at the same time would work well. I used to do a lot of rock climbing. That was particularly good as I would get together to work one-on-one with people who could belay. After that it seems pretty natural to grab a drink / snack whatever in the cafe.

Climbing gives you pretty awesome arms. Commenting on someone's arms and how they look good in that context would be perfectly normal. I would just personally, if I was a guy, be cautious of any statements or scenarios in which making comments on a woman's appearance came across as redundant or objectifying.... at least in the early stages.

I also used to dive a lot. That is another great way to meet people. Although, in my case as I did wreck diving most of the other divers were male.... but you get the picture, find something that is of interest to you where you can meet women who are interested in the same thing and who also fit your "criteria" for what you find attractive in women.

Going out and doing stuff , I don't like going out and I don't like stuff , sit at home and enjoy the silence

How so , please explain .....

I once met a girl on an international dating site ukReine. And it was very difficult to go to her to meet, to leave the comfort zone and go to the boot.but now there is something to remember, it was really one of the best weeks of my life.although it was difficult in the beginning, because the country was not English

That some one would want to be in my company, why ? I would think less of them if they did . If they said I don't like you or your revolting I would respect them for their intelligence / perception

It's especially disappointing when so called "intelligent ": people fall for it . My GP believes 9-11 was caused by "Osama bin ladin" He would not entertain the other possibilities . such as "false flags" . To be fair we plebs will never know what really happened that day ....

You should be yourself ,do you really want to be in the company of others when you are some one your not the very very very few friends I have had through out my life I was able to be "me" most other people find "me " boring or off putting, which suits me just fine

As a woman, learning to distinguish between guys who were putting on an act and being deceptive because they just wanted sex vs. guys who had any real understanding/appreciation for me as a human being.

There are a lot of guys out there who will say and do anything to get sex from a woman, regardless of the cost or risk to the woman.

I'm aware that most women have this problem. Intelligent, independent NT women struggle with it, so what hope is there for us Aspie girls? Autistic women aren't really good at reading the subtle cues that can expose this kind of deception. (Surprise!)

So many autistic women are used and abused, time and time again, and in simple self-defense decide the whole damned thing's too much trouble...if they don't just wind up raped and dead.

Wouldn't it be much better to just assume the guy is looking for sex and then if anything more comes of it, bonus? Why torture yourself operating on the assumption that guys aren't looking for sex?

Assuming every guy who shows an interest is just looking for sex would have made for a very bleak dating life. I didn't want to spend time with guys who were only interested in me because they wanted to get laid, so taking your approach would have necessitated rejecting every man who seemed interested.

You would reject a man for being sexually attracted to you?

That's sort of the very first part of attraction - the physical. There's pretty much no man alive who pursues a woman who he doesn't want to have sex with. Like literally almost zero. That's what the initial human attraction is all about - physical appearance/sex. Personalities and compatibility in other ways are secondary and only explored after two people who are mutually physically attracted to one another decide to start communicating. Facts of evolution & life, really.

If we followed that line of reasoning, we would have to assume every man is a rapist. You might argue "but most men do want sex and most men aren't rapists" but a woman has no way of determining one way or another.

The way I handle the situation is that I acknowledge both men and women have needs. I acknowledge that libido is a natural constitute of a healthy male and that often translates to sex being a common urge among men and is often part of the repertoire of emotional needs of a man in a relationship.

However, as a female, I also have needs relating to this issue and we cannot fulfill each others needs until the proper conditions to do so simultaneously exist.

In other words, he can want it but he's not getting it until I'm ready to give it, if ever. If he wants to make a time investment in hopes of a pay off, as with all investments, he accepts the risks associated with that. Though I'm not sexually suggestive such to lead men on. I'm relatively modest.

I acknowledge that at least some of my male friends, even if they have no interest in dating me, may be open to having sex with me, but I don't think our entire relationship is based on a covert plan of theirs to have sex with me. I think they just see it as a potential perk.

Um, it's a pretty bizarre stretch of the imagination to go from acknowledging that almost all heterosexual males are primarily sexually attracted to females to the assumption that male = rapist. WTF? There is no logic or reasoning to your statement whatsoever.

Your call to approach dating however you want, but it just seems silly to get all worked up and stressed over the biological fact that straight men are seeking sex from straight (and other) females. It simply is what it is. You're under no obligation to have sex with them at any time, I just see it as counterproductive to get upset by the fact that men seek sex as if it's some sort of shocking revelation.

Two responses here.

First, I didn't say wanting sex rules a guy out. I said wanting ONLY sex, without any interest in getting to know anything about me beyond what I look like naked, rules a guy out. I tried to be very clear about that by saying it was difficult for me to distinguish between the two, since being unable to do so is dangerous to women.

Second, the point of this thread is to discuss what we found most difficult about dating. I'm trying to do that in the vague hope that other autistic women may find it helpful. Your response sounds like you're trying to tell me how I'm wrong.