A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

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You two have both raised very interesting point. My proposed solution to this problem is to just use dating sites. When you ask a girl out on a dating site, you already know she's single and interested.

How people paired up before dating sites were invented shall forever remain a mystery to me but I imagine it involved either mainframe computers or arranged marriages.

The few usernames who post complaint after complaint about their dating/love/relationship lives & ignore almost all of the advice they're given to do something about it for themselves. No, I don't count you among them. None of them have posted in this thread - but I do somewhat hope they've read it so they can learn something from it.



I'm not sure what "secrets," I'm withholding, but I'll answer any questions. When I say there's no secret to my (relative) success, I mean that I have been completely transparent about what I do to treat my AS symptoms that allows me to function significantly higher & have social things come much more naturally and intuitively vs. learned/forced/mimicked/memorized etc. People here simply are not willing to do the work I did on myself for themselves, and in return for that, they're not getting the results I am.

Sure, I can answer questions and you can learn some things, but from My perspective, no amount of trying to learn and do these things is going to be better than "turning your social brain on," and having yourself functioning ever higher. I've experienced life crippling ASD symptoms, and the past few years, very mild symptoms. It's still bizarre to me that people opt to frustratingly fumble through life with complaints, struggles, and difficulties vs. opt to try what I have. It's each of your choices, but it just doesn't make any sense to me.



"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." I've been transparent about what I do to treat my symptoms and function higher. Very few are willing to try any of it for themselves. How can I fail to help people if they're unwilling to do the work required to help themselves?

Sure, 5 years ago many thought I was a liar/hoax or whatever, very skeptical.. but now there's a one year old published ASD medical study that corroborates everything I learned and shared here, right down to the chemical sensitivities.. and yet, still, people choose to complain instead of take action and do something to help themselves be healthier & have their brains function higher. I can't do a damned thing to make anyone want to treat their symptoms in order not to have such a frustrating time of life. ONLY each person can choose to do that for themselves.

By being completely transparent about the process that's worked for me, and will likely work for ~70% of people on the spectrum (according to a key medical stat about a common chemical sensitivity that 70% of us share), how exactly have I failed to help others? What more can I do besides tell them exactly what I've done (and do), how I've done it, and what the results have been fore me? These are serious questions. What else do you expect me to do besides tell you (others) exactly what I've done that's gotten me positive results I've gotten these past 5 years?

There's still social things people can learn and put into action to better their social lives.. but IMO, forcing yourself to memorize how to act in abc and xyz situation doesn't hold a candle to getting your enteric nervous system to function properly and then feel like you're "connected to the collective consciousness," & in turn naturally Knowing what to say and do. Sorry if you don't like hearing that, but that's my honest opinion that I base on my personal experiences. I'm not saying don't learn things and try to put them into action, I'm just saying it's been my experience of life that doing some real healing is far superior to trying to force yourself to learn how to do these things.

Goldie, you're wasting pixels. These people don't want advice. They seem to only want service -- a "Golden Path" to an instant relationship that includes all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities.

Maybe you're a saint -- one who will not abandon lost causes -- but I am not. Good luck.

I don't complain about "ASD" symptoms, and I don't struggle. The best way to "treat" ASD is to view it as something natural, learn how it works, and thrive in a positive and natural way. Learning all the rules so you become just like any other NT will not give you a fulfilling life.



So you are relying on a one-year-old study that claims ASD can be cured? Could you please link it? I don't buy that kind of garbage.



So, a chemical sensitivity can explain the problems people with ASD have with relationships? I think that is complete BS.

Ah, but that was how I imagined it would work once people had accepted & implemented all the advice you and "Goldie" try to give us? You mean we won't get into instant relationships when we have worked on ourselves and started to practice mass-dating? How disappointing.

Just like how Sheldon got together with Amy on Big Bang Theory. Sheldon's friends used a dating site to find Amy for Sheldon.

I will not chase, and I will not be chosen.

Good to know, thanks.

I could reply to the rest of your post, but the latest attempts I've made to have a productive discussion about anything on these forums have backfired spectacularly, so I guess shutting up is a better idea. I didn't mean to offend anyone; sorry to be so stupid.

Thanks for addressing my question. I have been suspecting that it is difficult for men to approach women in

situations like this for a while. I believe there is and possible always has been a precursor to approaches made

to a stranger anyway. I bet it's eye contact, unfortunately I struggle with this unless there is a reason for

interaction, so I would be fine with someone who approached and spoke to me, but I can't do eye contact

without that. It's impossible to get NT's to explain this bit properly because I don't think they are aware of how

much they do this sort of nonverbal communication, they do it so automatically.



I think I'm sensitive over some things but not others. Ha, you remembered the feet They should be covered;

I don't fantisize about chopping everyone's off or anything like that

I'm quite sure that's true. It is eye contact. Occasionally some men will approach stranger women without the women hinting interest, but at least where I live that's not very common (unless if they're drunk).
This eye contact thing is part of the reason why some autistic men here would not realize it if a woman showed interest in them and would either not approach women or approach them at random and get rather unfriendly reactions. It is also part of the reason why some may not understand that autistic women also have a disadvantage compared to NTs when it comes to dating and not just autistic men. Relatively few men initiate if the woman doesn't give them a signal that he has a chance. The women who don't know that or can't do that don't get a lot of male attention.

I do not know how well this would work in grocery stores or other places where people meet completely at random but usually don't interact.
A few years ago I could get some guys to approach me by eye contact and smiling with whom I had never interacted before, but those were fellow university students which may be slightly different than doing it on the streets or a grocers store. It worked surprisingly well but I stopped doing it because as soon as we actually interacted I messed up badly and I think I may have confused two guys a lot and maybe hurt their self esteem.
I also think, since this doesn't come naturally to me, I may actually have done the smiling and eye contact thing in a more obvious way than an NT woman would but if I did it wrongly the guys didn't mind. What they probably did mind was that I completely failed at how I should have reacted afterwards.
What I basically did was just watching them a lot, but without staring, but averting my gaze when they looked into my direction - without much delay but not hastily - and just smiling in a - hopefully - friendly but not exaggerated way when our eyes met.
Usually those were guys who were in the same place as me due to circumstances but there were many people and most would not interact with each other. They didn't approach me immediately but after I kept doing the eye contact and smiling thing for maybe 1/2 hour or 1 hour (not constantly because I was at those places for a reason and semi-busy doing something else).
But basically I don't think that there's any exact rule how this is done. It just needs to be obvious that she's interested, preferably without being extremely socially awkward, and if he considers her attractive enough, is single or unfaithful and not too shy he'll approach her.

I think this thread also ignores that some people have medical problems we cannot solve with a specific diet.

Now that I'm halfway through my third decade on the planet, I've come to realize that some people actually enjoy being miserable just like how some people love to be sick. It's part of their identity.

If they request it, I give the best advice I can, and they can either take it or leave it. I refuse to be someone's emotional tampon for endless complaining. I couldn't care less if anyone actually follows my advice.

My life sucks enough that I don't need other people's crap added on top.

That's absurd. Physiology is not sll down to habits.

Thank you for explaining it step by step, I am going to try this. I will practice on my customers at work first, I'm

a shop assistant.

I think that both NDs and NTs use eye contact to exchange possible interest, but it's done in different ways. Smiling is only part of how NTs do it, so that can be used to limit targets (or detect compatible targets for guys). I think that NTs use shorter glances, and that NDs prefer to "stare" more, and so that's also something to consider.

Because of that, if you decide to practice on customers, you are likely to mostly see the NT variant, and by training on them, you will primarily learn how to get attention from NT guys.

I will keep this in mind however, I live in a small rural town and know of no ND males remotely in my age group.